16: Adjusting

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I felt as though I'd failed

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I felt as though I'd failed.

All of this planning, all of this avoiding, all of my attempts to mend what I believed to be broken the first time around was officially pointless. Elena still died. She still became a vampire in an eerily similar way that the show demanded she should. No matter what I did, no matter what tweaks I tried or events I ran from, would it always end up like this? Would all the good I try to create be for nothing when the universe had its heart set on who should live or die--how they should live or die? Would Sheila suddenly have a heart attack because I delayed the inevitable? Would Esther awaken and take down her kids one by one? Would the people I love continue to be miserable because my existence was pointless--

"Stop spiraling," the sharp tone made me jump.

My hands jittered around my now cold hot chocolate as my gaze reached Sheila's kind eyes, "I can't help it," I refused. "I know I can't save everyone. Every witch I know has tried to drill that into me with every chance they get. But this...How can you say I have any positive impact at all when destiny keeps undoing all of my hard work?"

"Because I recognize the long-lasting impact of your actions, Angel." She filled the seat beside me, left arm curling around my shoulder as her voice dipped below the hubbub of the hospital hallway. "You have done good in this world. More than anyone can ever expect from one person alone, and yet you stubbornly latch onto this guilt. Why?" My throat tightened under her gaze, "Why are you determined to punish yourself?"

I was grateful the opening of a door interrupted my stunned response, Stefan appearing with a glimmer of fear in his eyes. I stretched to my full height, ignoring the residual shivers beneath my skin-- "Well? How is she?"

"I didn't have time to explain anything," his throat bobbed with worry, "She just passed out again after waking up." A small part of me was almost relieved, grateful that at least her transition was predictable and therefore something I could help with... "I think Meredith's getting antsy having her on the ward considering any injuries they suspect are fully healed."

I gave a shaky nod, "Jenna should be here any minute to take her home. Though, how she'll react when she sees her, I have no idea."

"It'll take some adjusting," he agreed. "But I don't see any reason why Elena shouldn't be able to acclimate to some tweaks in her lifestyle."

"Yeah..." I nodded, glancing past him to see her unconscious form stretched out on a mortuary table, "I mean, if anyone's the definition of a survivor, then I suppose it'd be Elena Gilbert.":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eUv75CLF_Q0.

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