To the moon and back

We all do

And the line went dead.

"Harper!" I heard an intense shriek and watched as Trish, on a gurney, was being wheeled towards me, "I need you! I need you to come with me, please"

"But I~"

"HARPER!!" 

Trish held a firm grip on my wrist and before I could say a single word, the nurse was ushering me towards a set of double doors alongside Trish's gurney. 

I took quick breaths and looked down at my friend in labour, "Andrew said he'll be here in five minutes, can't you hold it?"

I heard a couple of the nurses snicker and I furrowed my eyebrows as I realized how genuinely stupid it sounded to ask a woman on the brink of pushing a human being out of her hooha, to hold it. 

"No, Harper, I can't hold the child thats pushing against the walls of my vagina" Trish screeched as another wave of pain enveloped her. 

"I'm here!" I heard the shrill shriek and turned around as Andrew struggled to push through the double doors, other nurses trying to keep him out, "No! That's my god kid in there! I have to go!"

Trish gripped onto my hand and breathed, "I need him"

I gave one of the nurses a pleading grimace as Trish's grip began to stop all blood flow and she quickly jogged back towards the doors and silently grabbed Andrew's hand and pulled him through, "It's okay"

From the looks of it, Andrew had been sleeping. 

He was wearing his coveted flannel bottoms, an old LSU alumni Tshirt, and a pair of house slippers that looked like something a ten year old would wear....they had bear heads on the tops. 

"Don't look at my shoes" He hissed coming to stand straight beside me as the gurney was pushed into a large room with beeping machines, "They were all I could find"

I nodded wordlessly as one of the nurses instructed me to help Trish out of the sundress she was wearing, while she held one of those ugly hospital gowns over her body so as not to blind Andrew. 

Andrew still looked away regardless and once we were done she smiled, "I don't want you kids to worry, okay? You're friend will be perfectly fine. She hasn't fully dilated so I'm going to warn you that it may get a little crazy"

I furrowed my eyebrows, "Wait, she isn't about to have the baby yet? What the heck is with all the pain?"

"I'm never going to physically give birth but I can tell you right now that you sound like an idiot" Andrew harrumphed, "She's in labour, her walls are opening up. They haven't opened enough to allow a child to come through but I can imagine it probably hurts a shit load to have your child machine open without your actual consent, if you know what I mean"

I made a face at Andrews words, "Child Machine?"

Andrew shrugged, "Once you get pregnant, it stops being what you always thought it was...It's a child machine now"

"You're the stupidest person I've ever met in my life"

"Yet you didn't know about contractions and labour? I think you're stupider than I am" Andrew snapped giving me a glare, one which I easily matched. 

"You're wearing bear slippers, you dumb shit" I countered as a low wheezing sounded, "you even breath louder than you need to, to compensate for your dumb shit-ness"

Andrew made a face, "You're the dumb shit who cheated and needed a way to deflect from the fact that she cheated by coming up with some bogus reason to break up with me and make me feel like crap in the process...Your the queen of dumb shit"