I'm sorry

I wonder...

Alan's P. O. V.

*Trigger warning abuse and self harm*

Times seem to stand still I didn't know what to do or say so I just stare back at him. That is until he grabs the back of my neck and throws me into my room floor. When my face makes contact with the floor I groan out in pain. After my groan he flips me around so I was laying on my back and straddels me. He wraps his hands around my neck and starts choking me.

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU, YOU LITTLE SHIT?!" he yells at me. I don't say anything or even try. All I was trying to do is to prey his hands off my neck.

"ANSWER ME YOU CUNT." he yells at me again. I soon start to see black dots cloud my already blurry vision. I'm gonna die. My dad is gonna kill me. Right when I was about to pass out he let go of my neck and started punching me in the face. I try to cover my face with my hands but grabs them and pins them over my head. He stops punching me but he's still holding my hands above my head. He takes his belt off and ties my wrist together.

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?!" he yells at me again but between each word he punches my face.

"I'M SORRY" I yell at him.

"DON'T EVER YELL AT ME AGAIN YOU FAG" He gets off me and starts kicking me all over my body. I curl up into a ball trying to cover up the hits but it isn't that affective. He keeps kicking me for about another ten minutes but finally stops.

"Don't ever leave my house again unless it's for school or to get groceries" he tells me. I just whimper in response to afraid to say anything. He turns around to leave but not before he kicks me one more time and spits on me.

I lay on the ground until I hear the front door close and open. I get up slowly wincing at the pain. I walk to my bathroom and turn the water on. I strip my clothes off and grab my blade. I look at myself in the mirror for a couple of minutes. I sigh and go into the shower.

I stand in the water for a couple of more minutes. I look down at my wrist and put the blade over it. I slide it across my skin slowly so I can feel my blood dripping down my skin. Once I have a cut I stare at it. Watching the blood drip down and mix with the water. It looks so cool. I wonder what it would look like if there was more blood. So I start making more cuts. I keep going until the water gathering in the bath tub is red. After a while the red water starts to look like pink water. I decide to put some shampoo in my hair. After I rinse it out I look down at the water and see it's clear.

I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around my waist. I go into my room and look for some boxers, a shirt, and some shorts to sleep in. After I find some I put them on and lay down on my bed. I stare up into the ceiling and start to thing.

I wonder where my mom is at right now. She's probably out at a drug dealers house or something.

I wonder where my dad went to. He's probably at a bar.

Would I cry if my dad died? Maybe I would I mean he is my dad.

How would life be if I wasn't born into this family? I wonder if I would be happy.

How would my parents be if they never had me?

Would they be the same way they are now?

What would it be like if I never woke up again?

That's the last question I ask myself before I let myself fall into sleep.

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I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in a month but I just don't have much motivation to write. I don't know I thought since its summer I would be writing a new chapter each week but I'm not. I'm sorry if people are actually reading my horrible story and want me to update more often but I just don't have the motivation. I'm sorry.