Spitting Image • TFC 3.0 • l.t. au

Chapter Forty Five

45

They kept me in the hospital for a few days. Every day I'd get different visitors. Milly and Harry came in the next morning, in the afternoon A couple people from work stopped by. Even Perrie and Zayn dropped by despite their busy schedule. Rachel came with Bree one morning, the same time Blaine and Seth were here.

Seeing the people around me even made me feel worse. I don't know why but I don't feel like being around people at the moment. Or any time any further.

They must've gotten the message because they didn't stay long. Either they figured it out or Louis told them. Anyway, I'm grateful that I had time alone. Louis would often ask if I wanted to see her again but it always results to a shake of the head.

I couldn't bear to see her like that. I wish I could take all her pain away or at least tried harder to keep her inside me but that's just regret and guilt talking.

One evening, I did go back to the NICU to see her again. It's my last night in the hospital and we have to leaver her here until who knows when.

I didn't get too close because the doctors were tinkering with the machines because they found out earlier she has not been responding very well. When I got back in my room, there's someone sitting on the couch.

She stands up and walks up to me. She pulls me in a hug without a single word. I don't remember how long ago I broke down in my mother's arms like I am now.

Something about seeing my mother triggered some hidden emotion in me. Maybe because I know now what it feels like to lose a child. Little Margo is still here but it's like holding onto false hope if I keep lying to myself that she's going to make it and grow up with us.

"It's okay, sweetheart," she whispers in my ear but I shook my head. It's not going to be okay, I'm going to lose my daughter. "Yes, it will. I know it for one."

"No, you don't!" I retorted like a stubborn child. "Lisa's alive, you've seen her grow up but I'm never going to see Margo grow up, it's not going to happen!"

Mum's eyes blurred with tears that she didn't bother wiping away. "It's true, I see Lisa a lot but giving her away was the hardest thing I could do. But I did it because she deserved a better life, you and Em deserved a better life than What I have given you. If you let her go, she's not going to endure the pain she's feeling now, Meg."

"I know that but her life's being taken away before it even began-"

She cups my face gently and wipes my tears away with her thumb. "You've given her life. You had a short time with her but you love her, yeah?" She shakes my head gently.

I didn't have to say anything but I just hugged her again. She strokes my hair like I'm a child again; like I'm her little girl once more.

"Oh sweetheart, I know it hurts. It hurts because you love her and you don't want her to suffer but believe me, He has better plans for you. Things happen for a reason."

~~~

We've completely lost track of time ever since we had Margo. It didn't cross my mind, or Louis' either, that the day they let me out of the hospital was in fact Christmas Eve.

It's Louis' birthday today.

"I didn't think she'd be around for Christmas this year." Louis says quietly as we're both stood in the NICU.

They've attached her to more machines and such to keep her breathing. A couple minutes ago, she was crying, a little shrill weak cry that broke my heart. Doctor said they might have to move her to a bigger hospital with better equipment.