Balls [5sos ot4]

sucking balls

Ashton's pov:

Jack. Jack. Jack. Why him? Of all people it had to be Jack. It couldn't have been some random person that nobody knows, but no. It had to be Jack. Someone in a famous band. A band with a lot of fans. We're fucked. And not to mention what happened last time. Fuck, last time.

All that I ever want is for Luke, Calum and Michael to be safe, as well as happy. If they're not okay, I'm not okay either. I need to protect them. I need them.

Calum and I lie on the soft rug in front of the television. It's playing a crappy old love film with the sound down low. We don't really pay attention to it as we curl up with each other underneath the thin blanket. I'm cold.

Luke and Michael are asleep in the bedroom, leaving us alone together. I don't know for sure, but I guess that it's around 1 am.

"Calum?" I poke them and they look up at me with those flipping beautiful eyes.

"Yes, Ashton?"

Leaning onto my elbows and wrapping my legs around Calum's, I sigh. "What are we going to do about Jack? I mean after last time, he isn't the easiest person to deal with. You saw how much he hurt Luke, how broken he was for such a long time. Fuck, I don't know."

For awhile there's silence. I guess that they're just as stuck as I am.

"I think you need a cigarette. Would you like one?" They don't exactly reply to my nervous ramblings, but I like their answer all the same. One thing I really need is a cigarette. Just this once, to relieve the stress.

"Yes please," I reply.

~

We smoke out on the balcony for two reasons:

1) Luke really hates it when we do, he gets pretty angry if he ever finds us. We can't risk him waking up and smelling it. Not now.

2) We're nice people. It's not like we would purposely make anyone breathe in harmful chemicals without them being okay with it.

I must admit, after a few months of not smoking, it feels rather good. However, there's still the guilt hanging over me. Not only am I going against what Luke wants, but I'm also knowingly killing myself slowly. Well to be honest, everyone that smokes knows that as a fact. Maybe that's why we like it so much.

"So. Jack?" My head snaps up as soon as Cal mentions his name. "There are pictures of the two, right?" I nod. "Why can't we just demand that they don't use them? Make sure that the photos aren't spread and say that if they do we'll sue them or some shit?"

I take another drag of the cigarette, savouring the taste, the smell, the feeling. "You know we can't stop those photos from getting out. Things like this always get into the news somehow. It's inevitable," I answer helplessly.

"I hate that you're right about this, Ash. Sometimes being in a band can be hard. Don't get me wrong, I love what we do a lot. But it would be so much better without people being in our faces 24/7. I miss having the freedom to be my own person." They close their eyes tight shut, resting their head against the brick wall of our house.

"If you could not be famous, just for one day, what would you do? Within reason, of course. I don't mean robbing a bank or hacking into Tumblr, although, that would be pretty fun." Calum gives me an odd look as I ask that. They roll their eyes as if to say "of course".

"Honestly? I'd go out to the park with my friends, bring a picnic with us, and talk with them for hours on end. Then I'd go to a shopping centre with them. We'd get chocolate milkshakes and force each other to try on stupid outfits in shops. We'd go outside and not have to worry about people following us or being caught doing the wrong thing at the wrong time," they answer. "What about you, Ash?"

I think about it for a while. What would I really do if I had a whole day? Maybe--

"I'd fucking punch you two for smoking!" Oh shit. Luke walks out onto the balcony, an angry look on his face. I don't like it when he's angry, he can be pretty scary. Without looking into our eyes he grabs the cigarettes from Calum and I, putting them out in the ashtray rather violently.

I start to regret ever agreeing to smoke. Nothing good ever comes out of it. Why was I so stupid? I should have known by now not to go against what Luke says.

"What are you doing? What were you even thinking? You do know this stuff kills you, right?" Okay he's definitely angry. But I can't blame him, I would be too if I caught him smoking. Kind of hypocritical of me, huh?

Should I apologise? Will that even make a difference? I open my mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by Luke holding his hand up towards my face. That means "shut up".

"If you keep sucking those sticks, you won't be able to suck those dicks," Luke whispers. It's dark outside so I can't see his facial expression, but I guess that he's smiling at his own joke. He does that a lot. He'll say some stupid pun or make a joke and then laugh for ages at himself. I swear he finds his jokes funnier than anyone else.

"Look. We can explain. We're sorry," Calum pleads. They try to get Luke to listen but obviously fail. I don't think their persuasive skills are too great.

"No," Luke snaps. "I don't want to hear it. There's never any excuse for basically shoving death down your throats. I'm going to bed, you should too. But don't you dare think this is over because it's not."

A/N: hi uh sorry about how long this took. I had tests and school but once I have summer holidays I'll be able to write much quicker sorrysorrysorry