Balls [5sos ot4]

panicky balls

Ashton's pov:

This can't be happening. This can't be happening. This can't happen. It can't.

Three weeks before I'm supposed to start T and this... a baby.

This must be a dream, a nightmare. Boys aren't supposed to have babies. Does this make me a girl?

No Ashton, I'm not a girl. I'm a boy.

A boy who is pregnant.

~

Luke shuffles himself so he's sitting in front of me.

"Ash, I want you to take a few deep breaths with me, okay? In and out. In and out."

My heart is pounding furiously in my chest. I feel the familiar feeling of my throat closing up and I try to catch my breath. It's tough. Too tough.

Luke gets up slowly, as if any sudden movement could push me over the edge. It probably could. He walks out the room and I hear him call for Michael and Calum. He says something else but I can't understand him.

I rest my head on my trembling knees. Taking the deepest breath, even possible for me to take, I hear three people all walk in at once.

"Ashton are you okay? What's wrong?" Calum asks, kneeling down so they're at my height.

I shake my head. I want to speak and tell them everything I want to say. I want to tell them that this never meant to happen, that I don't want this. But I can't speak.

Am I supposed to show them all the pregnancy test? No. I can't. Luke can.

Everyone just stands there silently, staring at me which only makes it all worse. I don't like people looking at me.

~

It takes me ten minutes to calm down. Calum and Michael stay silent while Luke continues to help me through the panic attack.

I guess it's time to tell them?

Looking to Luke, I hand him the pregnancy test. I'm unable to look at any of them, I'm too ashamed and frightened.

"So um..." he starts. "Ash kinda, he um, yeah..." Awkwardly, he hands the stick over to Calum. Their eyes widen as they read the result, quickly passing it over to Michael. My heart speeds up again, and I take deep breaths to stop myself from panicking. Don't want that.

"Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck." Michael sighs heavily. I want to tell him to stop swearing but I haven't got the energy. He continues, "What are we going to do now? We can't have a baby. Not with the band and Ashton, you're starting testosterone soon!"

I haven't had enough time to think yet. Of course I don't want this baby. I'm not ready yet and even if I was, I don't want to be the one having it.

Silence. Nobody knows what to do. I can't think straight, my mind all over the place with nervous thoughts.

"What about an abortion?" Luke asks.

I should have been more careful.

A/N Heeey. I've been really really busy with homework and birthdays so I had to make this update really short sorry xx