A Cyborg in Time

Haunted Hack-A-Ween! Part 2

Captain Underpants

and the Huffy Holihater!

By George and Harold.

So, one time, Holihater,

a bad guy and boring dresser
who hated holidays,

used a Holiray to vaporize
all the town's Halloween stuff.

Candy, berzap!
Overpriced pumpkins, kergok!

Even inflatable owls, for what?

And he was all, "Anyone who says
'Halloween' gets vaporized, too!"

That threw a wrench
into

Captain Underpants
's Halloween party.

But his party pal Tony was all like,
"Just hack it, man.

Lose the H." 'Cause Tony.

So, Cap Captain Underpants
hacked his Halloween party

into a no-H All-o-ween party.

"Wow, so smart!" "Really?"

Everyone showed up with whatever:

pillows, drywall, tires,
a roller skate, you name it.

And instead of Halloween costumes like
Dracula, Frankenstein, and the mummy,

people dressed as Doctorca,
an orca who went to med school;

and Scorpionion, half scorpion,
half onion, all monster;

and Frobra, a frozen cobra!

'Cause All-o-ween, no H,
was the Wild West of holidays

with fewer cowboy hats and horse cars.

But when people posted pictures online,
due to low self-esteem,

Holihater saw them
and crashed the party to shut it down.

And

Captain Underpants

was all, "Party foul!"

And he dunked Holihater
in Tony's mystery punch,

which was just lemonade,
pickle juice, and ketchup,

'cause Tony, agh!

And Holihater was all,
"Ugh, too pickle-y! I give up!"

Turns out Holihater only hated holidays
because he was never invited to parties.

So

Captain Underpants
gave a toast,
"To a holigreat guy!"

And everyone got pucker face
from the punch.

Then the cops showed up
'cause there were noise complaints.

"Too loud!" Okay, the end.

- So, we're gonna hack Halloween?
- You mean

Hack-A-Ween
.

One day before Halloween.

I mean

Hack-A-Ween
.

We did it! Halloween is finished!

Tomorrow night there'll be no costumes,
no candy, and no doorbells.

Just peace and quiet
and a bathtub full of guacamole.

To Hall-No-Ween and cheese!

We should have a victory party.
Tomorrow night!

What? This is the victory party.

What if we all have victory parties
tomorrow night?

No, no, no! It's tonight.
We have cheese!

Ooh! And we can all go door to door
to each party.

Byah! Byah!

And we should wear costumes!
Costumes.

And give out
yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah candy!

- And hang skeletons in the trees.
- And fight the toilet zombies.

No. No! That's Halloween!

We want Hall-No-Ween!

Oh, no!

No, the cheese!

Oh, no!

No!

Chapter Six:
Tween Ween Fighting Machine.

It's called

Hack-A-Ween
.

- It's a complete reinvention of Halloween.
- As this helpful video will explain.

Welcome
to

Hack-A-Ween
Orientation.

Courtesy
of Treehouse Comix Productions.

Like Halloween,
but don't want to get arrested?

Then Hack-A-Ween,
a legally acceptable workaround

to the Halloween ban, is for you.

Not yet, Gooch. Too soon.

- Instead of costumes...
- Disguises!

- They're the same thing.
- Not if we say they aren't.

Gooch, what are you doing?

- Instead of trick-or-treating for candy...
- Sneak-or-snacking for snacks.

- Here are some nachos.
- ♪ Snacky! ♪

Now stay out of my garage,
you whippersnappers.

♪ Sneaky! ♪

Gooch!

Instead of Halloween monsters,

like Dracula, Frankenstein,
and a werewolf...

New

Hack-A-Ween
personalities
like Doctorca, Scorpionion, and Frobra.

Gooch, this is your scene.

I'm Frobra!

- Want hypothermia?
- Frostbite! Want frostbite!

And that's

Hack-A-Ween
.

Yes, we know. We're in the video.

- I like Frobra.
- Because it's you.

We'll post this video online
to get the other kids on board.

Now we just need Hack-A-Ween supplies.

Which won't be easy
because Krupp and the Melvins

were collecting all things Halloween
for disposal.

- Feeling better now, Sneedly?
- Yes.

George and Harold can't revive Halloween
if there's nothing left to revive.

♪ Plastic glowing skulls ♪

♪ Fake blood that's half full ♪

♪ Masks and wigs and claws and fangs ♪

♪ And bats and way too many evil clowns ♪

Oh, who are you calling evil? Ha!

- Now we just need to burn it.
- Right.

Wait, burn it? We can't burn it!

That pile is mostly cheap plastic.
It'll go up like a…

[An explosion is shown. Firefighters arrive. Melvin, Melvinborg and Krupp stand covered in soot, Melvinborg glaring at Krupp. Krupp's eyebrows fall off.]

Our eyebrows will grow back.

Fortunately, George and Harold
found some Hallowiggle room.

"Hackawarehouse."

I like it.

- You sure this won't get me arrested?
- Sure enough.

And if you go down,
we're all going down with you.

I'll call my lawyer.

Uh, sir, forklifts aren't allowed
in Avocadepot.

Too late, it's done.

I'm whipping up a guacamole bath.

A guaca-bath!

A bath-mole!

Still working on the name.

Point is, this is a code green
and I need all the avocados.

- Uh, sir, we deliver!
- Really?

Great, 'cause I don't know
how to drive this thing.

Aah!

Every kid in Piqua
saw the

Hack-A-Ween
video.

Ugh! I knew George and Harold
were up to something.

- Including Melvin.
-

Hack-A-Ween
!

They may have found a loophole
in Hall-No-Ween,

but I'll make them wish they hadn't!

Melvin?

We're worried about how much time
you spend without any friends.

Uh, so we arranged a playdate
with one of your little classmates.

I'm here because my mom
gave me five dollars.

Hack-A-Ween Day.

Ready for Hack-A-Ween, Deputy Drawers?

Hangin' loose and sippin' juice,
Lieutenant Long Johns.

Who are you again?

We're expanding
the

Captain Underpants
universe.

So we're in very un-Halloweeny
spin-off disguises.

- You?
- I'm the junior senator from Mars.

Like, I'm Dr. Braincrime,
head of Weirdo Penitentiary.

Sophie One is Warden Frownface

and Other Sophie is, like,
our most dangerous prisoner,

Noiseless Nancyyy.

Hazel: Does Private Hazel count as a disguise?

You sure these costumes
won't land us in jail?

They're not costumes.

They're disguises, remember?

I checked with Underneath The Law.
We're good.

Youse got legal troubles?
I got you covered, chief.

I'm a plumber.

Yeah, that legal advice
is as solid as a copper pipe.

And those are fantastic Private Hazel, Doctorca,
Scorpionion, and Frobra disguises.

- ♪ Frobra! ♪
- But I'm Frobra!

Hey, why did you guys need me
to harvest all my pit cabbages?

Well, jack-o'- lanterns are illegal,
but hack-o'- lanterns aren't.

How are the hack-o'- lanterns coming,
Mr. Rattlechains?

Good, but cabbages are harder
to carve than pumpkins,

so I also have enough coleslaw
to choke a rhino.

Perfect. Guys, let's hack it up.

Wait! I have a surprise for you.

Called in some favors
from my inflatables guys.

Happy

Hack-A-Ween
!

Whoa!

- It's Doctorca!
- And Scorpionion!

♪ And me! ♪

No, I'm Frobra! Me!

This is the most beautiful sight
these eyes have ever seen.

These eyes, too.

Thanks, Mr. Rattlechains.

Okay, Hack-A-Weeners,

let's get out there and let
the tortilla chips fall where they may.

Yeah, into our bags
with pizza rolls and tater tots!

Chapter Seven: Big Hack att*ck.

No doorbells, remember?

Hack-A-Ween
.

Right. And if we get arrested,
I hope we get an ocean-view cell.

Oh, sorry, toilet reflexes.
What's up?

- Sneak or snack!
- What is that?

Like, trick or treat?
I thought Halloween was outlawed.

It was, but this is

Hack-A-Ween
,

a legally sound alternative
according to Underneath the Law.

Sneak or snack means you give us a snack
or we do something sneaky.

You guys like turkey jerky?

Melvin's house.

Maybe we should skip it.

As they say, you mess with the Melvin,
you get the beakers.

If you skip a house on a Halloween,
you might miss something good.

Same deal for

Hack-A-Ween
.

- Sneak or...
- This is worse than Halloween!

...snack.

I'm starting to think
Melvin hates Halloween.

Happy Hack-A-Ween!

- ♪ Sneak or snack! ♪
- And nice disguise.

What disguise?

Like, give us snacks, or we let
Noiseless Nancy make some noooise.

I just made tuna casserole.

Where's the yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-
yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah fire?

Happy

Hack-A-Ween
!

♪ Sneak or snack! ♪

Sneak, it is.

Just some more kids in disguises
begging for food.

Speaking of food, I could really go
for a yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah burrito.

Not now. Not now.

We're in the zone.
But I need more paint, so don't move.

- Sneak.
- Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah hello?

- Sneak!
- Aah! Who yeah-yeah-yeah said that?

- We said sneak or snack.
- You chose wrong.

- What's all that screaming?
- Mom!

Seriously?
You've gotta stop painting this guy.

I can't!
He's my muse. My muse.

I'm her muuuse.

So, you got any snacks?

Ah, guaca-bath-ole.

Relaxation is served.

Huh.

Probably just a boat.

Or a goose fight.

Or the big game.

- Happy

Hack-A-Ween
!
- Hey, those aren't fighting gooses!

- ♪ Sneak or snack! ♪
- No, it can't be.

Halloween is illegal. Illegal! Ow!

Mm! These stuffed mushrooms are sublime.

- Wait until you try the shrimp toast.
- Aah!

Happy

Hack-A-Ween
?

You!

Sneak or sna...

Happy Hack-A-Ween!

Who wants popcorn shrimp? Oh!

Hello, Mr. Krupp.

Uh, why are you green?

Hazel: Did you get food poisoning?

Because I was in the middle
of a relaxing guaca-bath-ole

when I was interrupted
by these two Halloween hoodlums!

- Arrest them!
- For what?

For Halloweening!

It's against the law!

True, but they're celebrating Hack-A-Ween.

That's perfectly legal.

I checked Underneath The Law.

Underneath the Law: if you
can read, you can give legal advice.


Hack-A-Ween
? Yeah, that's legal.

I clean pools.

And frankly, Hack-A-Ween's a hoot-a-ween!

Finger food! Byah, byah!

Ooh, now I gotta fry up some fish sticks
before kids sneak into my basement.

This isn't over. You're gonna slip up.

And when you do, I'll be there
to bring the law down on your heads,

just like that!

Like...

♪ Tra-la-lobster roll! ♪

Cool disguises, guys.

Let me guess, you're a kayak
and you're an active volcano.

No, we're spin-offs.

- I'm...
- Don't bother. He's disguise-blind.

Who am I?

- So, where'd you get all the grub?
- From sneak-or-snacking.

- It's like trick-or-treating, but...
- Oh, I got it!

♪ Tra-la-lettuce wraps! ♪

Sneak or snack!

- He doesn't got it.
- No, but we got it, buddy.

- We saved Halloween with

Hack-A-Ween
.
- Yep. Everybody's happy.

- Back,

Hack-A-Ween
horde!
- Everybody except Melvin.

Or be bathed in hot chili.

Mother, more chili!

Hack-A-Ween tanked his Hall-No-Ween plans.

I wonder why Melvin turned on Halloween.

He had a blast trick-or-treating
with us all last year.

Trick or treat!

- He didn't go with us.
- The year before that?

- Trick or treat!
- Nope. No Melvin then either.

Has Melvin ever been
trick-or-treating with us?

That's why Melvin hates Halloween.

- Just like Holihater in our comic!
- ♪ Callback! ♪

Chapter Eight: Melvinvitation.

Yeah, yeah, sneak or snack!

Take your pigs in a blanket
and stay out of our guest bathroom!

Oh, it's you two.

Here to gloat?
Well, enjoy your victory while it lasts.

Actually, we're here to see
if you wanna join us.

Yeah, grab a disguise
and come sneak-or-snacking.

Oh, sure!

And then you'll turn into vampire cops
and arrest me for not having a neck!

I'm no fool! I know your tricks!

No tricks. They're illegal.

More importantly...

we want you to come.

- What?
- Yeah, you can be a spin-off just like us!

Your name is...

Melvinhaler!

And you have the power
to, uh, breathe easy.

You just need a cape.

- You're... You're giving me your cape?
- Sure.

That's what

Hack-A-Ween
's all about,
mending bridges.

It's... It's mending fences.

And it's a very gracious offer.

I just wish you made it 38 minutes ago.

Why? What happened 38 minutes ago?

What's that noise?

- Noise? I don't hear a noise.
- Melvin, what did you do?

Nothing. Let's go.

Which house shall we visit first?

Melvin, what did you do?

Me? Do?

- What?
- Melvin!

Okay, I was angry. I wanted revenge.

How was I to know
you'd come and mend bridges?

Wait, is it bridges or fences?

Harold, look!

Oh, no!

He hacked

Hack-A-Ween
!

Melvin, whatever you did, un-did it!

Look, I can't!

Bringing those inflatables to life
fried the Inanimanitator!

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry!

We don't need sorry.
We need

Captain Underpants
.

But we're still going
sneak-or-snacking together, right?

Aah! Guys?

Guys, that house down the street
is giving out aluminum siding.

Mm!

Aluminuminummy!

Hey, big balloon guys!

I gotta get a picture with them
for my album.

Those aren't nice balloons.

They're messed-up

Hack-A-Ween
balloons.

And that means no more sneak-or-snacking.

Nuh-uh!

No one gets between me and my siding.

Time to blow up some blow-ups.

So, shall we...
sneak... or snack?

♪ Tra-la-la! ♪

Chapter Nine: The Second
Incredibly Graphic v*olence Chapter,

presented in Horror-O-Rama,

because something that fun to say
can't be violent or scary.

Horror-O-Rama!

Horror-O-Rama!

I'm walking in the woods, alone, at night.

Seems safe to me.

Forest for the Screams.

In theaters this

Hack-A-Ween
.

I'm showering in my underwear.
What could go wrong?

The Final Shower.

In theaters this Hack-A-Ween.

I'm lost in an abandoned prison.

Now, this was a bad call.

Don't Go
Into That Abandoned Prison.

In theaters this

Hack-A-Ween
.

Knocked...

...the wind...

...out of me!

Can't breathe!

Can't breathe? That's a job for...

Melvinhaler! Melvin, he's got the need!

Yes! Uh, yes! I am Melvinhaler!

And by the power of bronchial dilators,
I will open your airways,

expand your troubled lungs,
and end wheezing!

Whoa, that needs work.

Thanks for the air, nerdy bear!

- Now, how do I let the air out of them?
- You don't.

Lieutenant Long Johns
and Deputy Drawers do!

Courtesy of Mrs. Wrinklefoot,
who really stepped it up for

Hack-A-Ween
.

But how do we get into kabob range?


Captain Underpants
,
can you create a distraction

so we can get close enough
to burst those bubbles?

I'm all distraction... and cheese!

♪ Tra-la-lamb kabobs! ♪

The bounce stops here...

Ow! Whoa! Ow!

I can't pop them!

So let 'em pop themselves!

Can you bounce back from bouncing?

Spin-offs for the Hack-a-win!

- Help!
- Help!

Whoa, you're like a rubber wall!

I have those in my room.

Time to pull out all the pops.

Whoa!

Kabobs!

Why am I wet? Where are my pants?

- Boom! We Hack-a-won!
- Yeah!

Good thing this isn't one of those movies
where you think it's over, but it's not.

Uh, anyone seen my house?

It's missing.

- Found it.
- But how is it moving?

Well...
I may have blasted the house

with the Inanimanitator
to bring it to life.

I...

What? I was angry!

Time for round two, Cap U!

Don't snap at me! I'm not a bird!

He's still wet. We're on our own.

We lost Halloween.
We can't lose

Hack-A-Ween
!

Yes! We must save

Hack-A-Ween

because I'm having fun now, so it matters!

Don't worry,
nothing four spin-offs can't handle.

I-I'm sorry, did you say three?

The Spinoffs!

Starring Lieutenant Long Johns
and Deputy Drawers and Private Hazel and Melvinhaler!

By George and Harold.

Sooooo, Halloween so!

The Spinoffs do what you always do
when your house is crawling with life...

they called an exterminator.

Lieutenant Long Johns
and Deputy Drawers kept the house busy

with a heroic game
of ding dong ditch, ding dong!

Private Hazel shot paintballs at the house

While Melvinhaler took
a deep, cleansing breath

and turned the exterminator's tent
into the Nonexistent 2000.

Pssh-kank-sqwork Nonexistent!

The Nonexistent convinced
the stuff in the house

it wasn't alive anymore,
and problem solved!

Spinoffs!

Gosh, good thing exterminators
take care of monster houses.

- So, when can I move back in?
- Not for a year, at least.

A bill? Seriously?

And while

Hack-A-Ween
wasn't perfect,

it was the perfect reminder
that all kids love Halloween.

- I feel like candy!
- Mm, mm, mm!

Even if they are adults.

- Candy rules!
- Mm, mm, mm. At any price!

And these costumes are inspiring!

- So good.
- I love being someone else.

Are you a yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah mirror?

So, all in favor
of bringing back Halloween?

Byah!

The byahs have it!

- Halloween is reinstated!
- Aah!

- Double byah! Byah!
- No! No!

Hey, look!

"Halloween meeting tonight.
Bring your own snacks."

"Halloween is back!
Get your ghost on."

Ugh, sorry, Melvin.

Oh, don't be.

I'm not really candy intolerant.

That was just an excuse I used to minimize
the unpleasantness of Halloween.

I actually enjoy candy. Watch.

See? I'm totally fi...

I'm so sick!