female celebrity comfort stories

withdrawal | jemily

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the whole team was working a case in northern california.

it was one of the worst cases of ever seen in my time at the Bureau.

someone was taking children and holding them for exactly 5 days and then dumping the bodies in different lakes.

it wouldn't be anything out of the everyday routine but there was something about this unsub.

we had absolutely nothing. no connections between the victims, no dna, other than the dumpsites no MO. he was definitely skilled.

the whole team was down and we were feeling the heat from above. the media was painting it out like we were doing it on purpose.

garcia wouldn't even crack a smile during the time we out there. i hate that she had to be there to see it all but hotch insisted.

everyday we came back to the station on almost no sleep, nothing in our stomachs and no hope in our hearts.

this unsub was brutally torturing these little boys and ripping apart their bodies and i felt absolutely useless, we all did.

coming back to the hotel on the 4th day at 1am was a nightmare.

i had felt so ill the whole time and i put it down solely to anxiety.

what i failed to think about was how i was in the process of kicking my habit. i've been a nicotine user for 8 years now.

walking around with 7 or 8 nicotine patches on the whole time during the case, putting on a new one and failing to take off the old one.

i didn't even think about the consequences.

me, emily, hotch and jj we stood in the lobby waiting for the elevator when the feeling hit.

my head went fuzzy, stomach churning and my hands started shaking. ever inch of my body felt like it was on fire, sweat dripping from my face.

emily looked over and immediately saw something was wrong.

"y/n. what's wrong?"

i couldn't even open my mouth, i had to go.

my legs took off towards the stairs, not having the time to wait for the elevator.

running up the stairs i grabbed my key card from my pocket. loosening my tie and trying to pull my jacket off.

i barely made it to the bathroom when i projectile vomited all over the toilet bowl.

pulling my shirt off as i emptied my stomach, leaving me in just trousers and shoes, my scars out on show.

i'd been known as y/n for 8 years now, but not telling the whole team that i was a trans man.

not that anyone would care but i didn't want it to be public knowledge, thinking only about how i would be perceived differently.

i was closest to emily and jj, the pair knowing almost everything about me. those two, garcia and hotch being the only ones in the entire bureau to know.

hotch only knew because i had to book 6 weeks off for my top surgery a few years back, and garcia found out because she didn't believe my excuse of taking time to see my family.

she knew i wasn't close to my family so she did her usual digging and found out when my surgery was, being there when i got out.

i love her for that and she has spent a long time apologising for digging. not that i could ever be mad at my baby girl.