Ceilings- AJxNiko

Part 41

You could cut the atmosphere in the house with a knife. Sharky wasn't speaking to Kenny, which threw off the dynamic of the whole place. That morning, Sharky walked downstairs to see all the boys sat with Kenny in the kitchen, on the sofa. And to say Sharky looked a mess would be undermining it. His eyes were rimmed red, a purplely mask underneath, His cheekbones more defined, pulled into his face, and the usual cheery smile replaced with a permanent neutral face. The boys all said good morning to him, to which he gives a quick side smile before returning his face to the natural frown. Kenny couldn't help but think that Sharky still looked beautiful like this. In his worst state, he looked gorg- he looks good. Kenny erases the thought from his mind, he can say any of his friends look good, that's normal.  Sharky walks to the fridge briefly looking over to the sofa, before grabbing a bottle of water and heading back upstairs.  He couldn't be in the same room as him right now. Maybe later, but he needed to work up some courage before he could do that. 

Mid-afternoon the boys were going to order some food before they head out to their shoot. Aj goes upstairs to retrieve Sharky as he was usually the one to order for them all. 

"Hey Sharks," AJ says walking in to Sharkys room.

Sharky is sat on his bed staring into thin air. Directly in front of his bed was his whiteboard, scribbled on it was 'You don't deserve to be here.' He kept it as a reminder. Reminder of his worth, and a reminder to not take things for granted. On his bad days, seeing the quote made him feel less shitty, a constant thought of it could be worse. Sharky was never one to complain. He didn't deserve half the things he has, so why complain. 

Aj was used to seeing the quote, as many times the other boys tried to erase it and tell Sharky he deserves to be here and more, Sharky wouldn't take it. The second the boys would leave he'd re-write it. But, now seeing Sharky stare at it, it tugged at his heart, a little more than it usually did. He gets up to erase it when he sees a new quote scribbled underneath, 'You don't deserve love.'

Aj wipes it off.

"What the fuck? Why would you rub it out," Sharky says.

"Cause its not true Sharky. None of it is true. You deserve more than anything to be here, You deserve it so so much. I could deal with you saying that before, although its not true. But you dont deserve love is a joke. And you deserve to be loved, You deserve love Sharky. I love you, Niko loves you Amin loves you, Kenny loves you. We all love you Sharky. Look at all your fans, they love you, all these edits and accounts dedicated to you. You have the most caring heart I've ever come across, and you deserve someone who will take care of it, the way you take care of others."

Sharky sighs, tears escaping, "But that's just it Aj. I can be loved, but I don't deserve it. I know theres people that love me, but not in the way I want. And the one person who I crave the love from, doesn't. Not in the way I want at least. So I don't deserve it. I really don't."

Aj grabs Sharkys hands, staring into his eyes. Sharky attempts to avoid eye contact looking away. "Look at me Sharky."

Sharky reluctantly turns his head, staring back into Aj's eyes, a tear rolling down his cheek.

"Good. Now repeat after me: I, Sharmarke, deserve love."

Sharky gulps, something gets stuck in his throat, he can't.

"I-I can't" he hiccups.

"You can. Say it."

"I- Sharmarke- I de- deserve love," More tears escape at the feeling of telling a lie.

"Good. Say it again. Clearer- More confident."

"I, Sharmarke, deserve love."

"Come on, one more time." Aj repeats, squeezing Sharkys hands.