Forget or remember me? [on hold]

Numbness?

Austin’s point of view 

Chapter one

I woke up by the sound of my alarm, it was the first day of my senior year, and it definitely started in a way I had never thought it will.

First, I was alone, literally, I lost them all. Were them all dead? No, they didn't die, but my actions felt like I had stab them, like I had kill one an each of the ones I loved, love actually.

Second, I was now used to the fact that they didn't speak to me or wanted me to be around their lives, and I mean, why would they?  After all I had done! Even I can't forgive myself, even though she says she did.

What was I thinking?  Why on earth did I did that to her? And the worst was that I was totally in agreement of what I had done, I was sober, but I really wished I was drunk.

Third, even tough, I did get the chance to apologize, and she did say yes, I felt and feel like we will never be in the all good terms we used to, but, can I blame her? Am I that selfish? No, I should, and I am, thankful of her forgiveness but it also included indirectly her forgetfulness towards me.

But it's not the same, I can tell that she's struggling with herself to not let me alone, so I made it easier, and leave her instead. How coward of me, I know, but I'm not surprised anymore, it seems been coward fits me.

“Austin!” - My mom shouted cutting me off my thoughts – “Come eat, you're gonna be late to school.”

“I'm coming mom” - I said.

Well, with the exception of my parents, that were like force by nature to not reject me , none of my friends spoke to me, not even my brother, tough actually some of them still speak to me, but as I said, it wasn't the same as it used to be. We can be together, but I don't feel the same easiness from them as before, they chose her over me, but man, even I would choose her over myself any day.

I came down, ate breakfast and walked to my car that was parked in the sidewalk. 

As I was heading towards my car, I found Jessie, walking towards hers. I was astonished. How much has this girl changed!

She look prettier, taller and even smarter since the last time I saw her, it was two years ago, I still remember that day as it was yesterday. I wish I could still hold her as I used to, but I can’t. Even though her outside looked happy there was just something sad in her deep inside, I knew her to well, that's why it took me no time to realize it.

She was wearing an animal zebra print crop, blue shorts and black sandals. Her long straight black hair was in a high pony tail, and she was wearing blue long earrings and blue sunglasses, tough they were not in her face, they were in her hair, which make, her dark brown eyes, look more beautiful.

She looked up, and realized I was staring at her, she give me a brief smile and a wave, and then continued walking towards her car, with her books in her hand trying to be put in her bag.

She was walking without seen, so she almost tripped, if it was not for me, who was there to catch her.

“Ouch” - she said wincing at the sudden movement of her back and hips – “Mmhh, thanks.”

“You should watch where you are going, just so you, you know don't trip” - I said kind of awkward.

We haven't talk in more than two years now, and it was kind of harsh for me to not worry for her, after all the hurt I, myself, cause to her.

She felt it, I could tell – “Yeah, you're right” - she said uncomfortable too.

We went in complete silence, just staring at her, in my case, and staring at the floor or anywhere else rather than look at me, in hers. She broke the silence.