Purposefully Accidental

Epilogue

My whole body still feels sore as I shift on the bed to sit up straighter, but it doesn't stop the wide grin on my face as Jonah carefully places the tiny bundle of joy into Freddie's arms, despite the latter's clearly apprehensive frown.

"Can't you smile a little? That's your goddaughter right there. Thought you'd be happy to meet her," I tease, leaning back into the soft pillows propped behind me.

"I'm so gonna drop her," Freddie mutters, but still, he accepts my sleeping, three-day-old baby in his hold. "Oh, god, she's so small."

Jonah's still slightly wide-eyed gaze won't leave the small baby. He keeps his hands hovering under Freddie's arms, ready to catch her in case he actually drops my baby. My husband gladly takes her back into his arms not even a minute later when Freddie looks up at us helplessly. Now she's snuggled up against her dad's chest, slightly scrunching up her face with an adorable sigh.

"I'm so sorry, she's a beautiful baby but you know how babies freak me out," Freddie apologizes, visibly more relaxed now that my daughter is no longer in his arms.

I smirk at him. "That's a lie, I know you think she's ugly."

He grimaces at my correction. "To be fair, I think all days-old babies are very... wrinkly."

I disagree with him. My baby is perfect. It's been three days, but I'm still admiring the sight of Jonah's hand cradling the back of our baby girl's head, the way his soft eyes sparkle as he watches the small twitches she makes in her sleep. She is on the smaller side of the spectrum, but very healthy otherwise. Still, my doctors wanted to keep us in the hospital a bit longer for observation, so they can make sure they've crossed off all the concerns they have for me and for my baby.

Freddie doesn't stay long—he's flying to another country for some important thing I can't actually remember, and he only barely makes it to the hospital to see us before his trip. I'm not actually accepting visits yet, but for him, the door was obviously open.

It's just me and Jonah, now, at last. All four of our parents are in the city, but staying at their respective hotel rooms after hovering us for the entire week of my hospital stay. It would be overwhelming if I didn't love them, but all I can feel is complete gratitude for their presence. I'm just glad to have a little bit of alone time now with my husband and the baby that just came out of me three days ago.

We named her Daisy Aurelia. Our lovely little Daisy. She has her dad's long curled lashes and a small tuft of my blonde hair. Those are her most obvious features yet, as she's only days old—so I don't get all the arguments about whether she looks more like me or Jonah. She literally just looks like a fresh baby.

I'm nursing her in my arms now, her minuscule fingers a tight grip around my thumb. On the armchair next to my bed is Lucy, snoozing in Jonah's lap, who's holding my free hand. He stretches his fingers open, and I slip mine in-between. There's a goofy smile on his face that's surely matching the one on mine. I don't think we have stopped smiling since we greeted Baby Daisy for the first time, who came out with a triumphant, perfect little cry.

Daisy was a meticulously planned baby. From the moment that I decided I wanted her, we had almost everything in our control. We set up multiple consultations with my doctors—about the risks of another ectopic pregnancy, and what to expect as a cancer survivor. Under my doctors' guidance and care, I had Daisy naturally, without needing IVF. It wasn't a completely smooth pregnancy—not that we expected it to be—but in the end, I naturally delivered a healthy, full-term baby, who hasn't left my sight since the moment she took her first breath.

I can't stop looking at her. I don't want to. If I could, I would keep her glued to my chest, forever. I can't describe the kind of love-at-first-sight that I experienced when I looked at her for the very first time. I've never felt a love like this, a love that is so pure and fierce, that wraps along my ribcage and fills all the space in my heart.