Purposefully Accidental

Chapter Thirteen

I haven't visited this place for a long time, I don't actually remember the last time I went up here. Nothing has changed, really. It's mostly empty, just a small space with a window and a small box of blankets in the corner, with Christmas lights hung on the walls and down the ceiling. I know that for a while, Jonah's sister Clara has been hanging out here and taking care of the treehouse, too. That's why everything still looks clean, neat, and tidy.

I lean on the wooden wall behind me, folding my legs up so I could rest my chin on my knees. As much as I'd convinced myself that I was okay with Jonah's half-assed birthday message three minutes before my birthday ends, I can't help but be swallowed by the memories of what we used to be.

I bury myself in a blanket I grabbed from the storage. It kind of smells like how you'd imagine long-time unused blankets would smell, but it's keeping me warm. I remember being tangled with Jonah under the blanket that night, still in our prom dress and tux, foolishly thinking that the 2,000 miles that we were going to face between us was going to be a walk in the park.

If I asked myself today, did I make a mistake? I would say no. The year off that I took really helped me see what I wanted to do in life. I learned so much, after having lived a boring life at home, the months I spent away in Los Angeles became a worthy adventure. I eventually found out that instead of acting, I wanted to be a teacher because I enjoyed tutoring my neighbors' kids. I made friends, learned how to take rejections from the numbers of auditions I did and the callbacks I almost never got, did volunteer works that taught me how to appreciate the life that I have, I strengthened the bond I have with my sister and learned how to live away from the rest of my family. I even learned how to drive without having a panic attack!

But was it all worth losing Jonah along the way?

... I don't know. Maybe we just weren't supposed to work out. Not then, and definitely not now.

So why can't I let it go? How come it was so easy for him to leave and then waltz back into my life for five minutes, and then I'm back to being in love like I was still in high school?

I never replied to the birthday message he sent me. I didn't want to open it, not that night, and not when I woke up the next morning. I don't want to know how little I now mean in his life that he didn't even bother to wish me a happy birthday like a normal person. He didn't try to call, didn't send me any more texts after that one.

Three minutes before midnight. Three minutes before the day ended. Are you fucking kidding me.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pick up the call. "Yup."

"'Sup, Hannah? How was your Thanksgiving?" Freddie's voice greets me, and I allow myself a smile.

"It went okay. The gang's all home and we talked about Tony's wedding all night," I pretend to sigh in exasperation, although I was mostly the one who kept bringing out the wedding nitpicks last night. I couldn't help it—the wedding talk helped get my mind off of the prickling heartbreak, and I also just actually loved helping my brother's fiancée plan out all of the small details of the wedding day.

Freddie replies in a light teasing tone, "Aw, don't sound too envious. We can elope in Las Vegas this New Year's if you want? You know I'd already invited you to the trip."

I crack a smile and play along. "Nah. Don't wanna shine on big bro's moment, Fred. Maybe next summer?"

"How about Spring Break?" he asks hopefully.

"I'll check my schedule." I unfold my legs and stretch out in the small space of the treehouse. "How was your Thanksgiving?"

"Ah. You know, same old. Snobby cousins, drunk uncles, some of my dad's business associates calling him away, more drunk uncles... you know." I can hear the shrug from his voice. "My Auntie brought some mean casserole though, so it's okay."