Purposefully Accidental

Chapter Twelve

I remember the night of prom.

We didn't stay long for the whole event itself, but we stayed long enough for the slow dance. We danced to Aerosmith's "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing", and as sappy as it sounds, I can admit that I teared up as the song was playing.

I'd heard the song a thousand times before, but as I stood there under the sparkly lights in the dimly-lit room, it was as if I was truly listening to the words for the first time.

I remember holding Jonah's hands, being dragged out of the chair as the intro of the song came on the speakers. Jonah hated dancing and loved to pretend he had two left feet just so I would stumble on his feet, but this was the first proper dance we'd ever had, with the dress and the tux and the dramatic lighting and the romantic, slow love songs. Our first dance on one of the last nights we would spend together before we parted after graduation and everything gradually fell apart.

We didn't so much dance as simply sway to the music. He took my hands and I lifted my arms up to embrace him before resting them around the back of his neck, and then he held me by the waist. We sang along to the song, softly, only for each other to hear.

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing

Watch you smile as you were sleeping

While you're far away dreaming

How many nights did we spend away from each other, as he was settling into college while I was far across the country? The nights where we would be talking on Skype, laptops sat at our bedside tables, talking about our day as we were slowly falling asleep?

But we didn't know yet, not at that time while we were slowly swaying left to right to the song, that as weeks go by the frequency of the calls would decrease. I can't Skype you tonight, I have an audition for this gig tomorrow morning, I'd say. I'm staying over at my friend's for an assignment and I can't call you at his house—there'll be too many people, he'd say. I gotta cover my coworker's shift tonight, can't call you, I'd say. I'm kinda tired, Hannah, maybe not tonight?

But that night, his hands slowly moved up, from where it had rested on my waist to the small of my back. Pulling me closer. My dress swayed with the motion—it was a simple chiffon long dress, the gentle, muted color of that sliver of pink you'd see in the sky when the sun rose in the morning. His grey-on-white tuxedo wouldn't have matched my attire if not for the hand-crafted boutonnière on the lapel of his tux, which he'd made himself along with the matching corsage I wore on my wrist.

His eyes locked on mine as we both mouthed the words, Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure.

I had made the decision to take a gap year, to explore other opportunities besides going straight away into college. Some of my extended family frowned upon my decision, telling me that, unlike me, at least Leann was taking college courses in LA. At least she was doing something. But I stood my ground, and, thankfully, my parents had my back.

I could tell Jonah was never comfortable with my choice, hoping that I would end up going to the same university of his choice. I made the mistake of getting his hopes up by applying for a few colleges he was also applying for, and he was already coming up with plans for us together. Then I ended up telling him that I decided to postpone college.

But he'd just smiled and said, "Tell me of the places you'll visit. Tell me how your auditions will go. Maybe then, I'll tell you, on a scale of one to ten, how horrible college life is and you'll never have to go through that too." I'd kissed him when he showed me his acceptance letter, helped him pack his stuff the days before we said goodbye at the airport. I'd laid on his bed, on top of the scattered mess of the clothes he'd discarded from his wardrobe, cuddled next to him as we talked about the future. Our future.