Snowblind (Intersex gxg)

Chapter 23

"Are you sure you'll be, okay?" I asked Irisha while I started putting on my outerwear. I already had my wig on, and then pulled on my boots and coat.

She nodded quickly as she helped me with the heavy coat. "Yep, Necco and I will be packing while you're gone, and then in the morning we'll go on a fun road trip."

"Right," I snorted. "Sneaking across the border in the middle of the winter, it's gonna be a blast." I'd be with Irisha, so it would be more fun than my trip on the way here, which was me in horror filled paranoia. Maybe it would be better than I was worried about, but I wouldn't stop worrying. It would still be a bonding experience when we weren't completely stressed over the situation, so that was a plus.

"It will!" she said as she smacked my shoulder through the heavy jacket. "Come on, just imagine what we'll be telling our kids when they ask how we met. They'll want to sneak across the border too!"

I turned around, looking her in the eye as my heart pounded in my chest. "Our kids, huh? You want kids?" It wasn't something we'd talked too much about yet, other than her asking if I'd ever got checked to see if I could. We'd just admitted our feelings after all and that was one of the many things we still had to sort out as we moved forward. But hearing her say that made me feel pretty damned good.

"Yeah, I would. I know we still have to see if you can, but I think once we've got things worked out, we'll have a lot of time to talk about things like that." She looked down shyly as she talked, then looked back up and into my eyes. "Would you want them? Maybe a few little ones running around?"

I scooped her up, kissing her soundly as I spun her around. She looked happy when I put her back down, and I nodded to answer her question. "Yeah, I'd like that. We should absolutely have some kids once things settle down, if you still want to be with me."

Her smile fell at that, and she pulled me down once more into another kiss. "Of course, I'll still want you," she assured me once she broke the kiss. "I told you, this is a lot more than gratitude for rescuing me. You're so much more than you think, Jordan. Maybe you just need me to keep loving you and you'll start to believe in yourself like I do."

Why couldn't I just take everything at face value? I kept saying I'd stop being worried about it, and then I'd ask stupid things like that! Was it so hard to hear Irisha and know she was serious? She'd made it clear what she wanted and what she felt towards me, and for whatever reason my brain couldn't wrap itself around the fact that she might like me in that way, even when my heart was screaming for her too. Could I make that leap of faith? My heart had, so why couldn't I get my brain to follow along and stop overthinking? Maybe Irisha was right, and I just needed to have the experience of her continued love, and then it would feel natural. One thing was for sure, I wasn't going to stop trying to believe it.

"I'm sorry, baby girl. I love you, and I know you love me, but my head still can't shake my own perception of myself. I want more than anything for this to all sink in, and I think it will soon. Don't stop reminding me, okay? I need that, a lot."

"Never," she promised. "Now go get that hot ass moving, and then come back so we can rock this cabin to the foundation one more time before we head south."

Yeah, that was some good motivation! "I'll be back a little after lunch. Want me to bring more of the Tim Hortons', or do you want to have something from the cellar?"

"Nope. I'll cook us something. I know we'll be living on take out for a bit, so there isn't a need to rush it!" She gave me one more kiss, and then sent me on my way, with the sawed off shotgun just in case. I left her the other shotgun, hoping it wouldn't be necessary.

It was a grey day, with heavy clouds overhead that the sun couldn't penetrate. Snow was lazily drifting down, and I just had to hope that it didn't start coming down any harder, because I was already nervous about travelling in the winter. Luckily, the roads were relatively clear since the snow had just started, and I was able to make good time on the drive to the supermarket. We didn't need a ton of food, but we did need that food to be portable and able to be eaten on the road. Yes, we could do take out and eat in restaurants, but I didn't want to do that until we were safely in America.