as we finally made it to london simon got us lost and we ended up being late. jay then shouts bus wanker out the window again i laugh at first but then simon pulls to a stop at the traffic lights and two men start walking towards simons car
"shit there coming drive"jay shouts
"drive where"
"anywhere" simon then pulls his car off the road and drives up onto the pavement only to be blocked by some benches
the man then comes to simons window and grabs him by the throat "who you calling a wanker"
"i'm sorry i'm so sorry i'm realy sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry" simon and will repeat over and over again
the man laughs at him and walks away after successfully scaring them
"fucking hell you two shit yourselves" jay says laughing
him and neil then begin to mock simon and will saying sorry
we finaly find a parking spot and simon starts whining about it like a bitch
"it's fine simon let's just go" i say cold and bored
"ye si i really need to check my nob in the bathroom i think i've got a big problemo"neil says like he's in pain
"can you stop saying problamo" simon then begins to complain about another thing "it's not cool or funny it's just embarrassing"
"im sorry your calling someone else embarrassing look at the state of you" i say back to my brother fed up of them lot being mean to my neil
"don't worry neil he'll say sorry in a minute"jay mocks him again
will finally convinces simon to leave the car there and we head towards the club "don't bother locking it si if your lucky someone might nick it"
we finally get to the club and we see carli and her friend. jay then decides to join them in the queue instead of going to the back
after about 15 minutes of waiting we finally get to the front and go to walk in
"no trainers" the bouncer stops simon from walking in
"i'll see you in there in a minute"simon says to carli as we all walk out of the queue
"i'll sort it i'll borrow some shoes"
"what?" we look behind us to see a tramp
"look i'm going to level with you- i'm scared, London scares me , the bouncer scares me and that man Really scares me let's just put this one down as another character forming experience and go home" wills says
"come on will its for carli she'll love it it's romantic isn't it liv"
"it's not quite romeo and juliet" i say looking disgusted
he just ignores me and walks up to the man and asks him to swap shoes which they do and i want to throw up
we had finally got in the club
"i've died and gone to clunge heaven" jay looks around at all the women dancing
"yep this is it, this is what we wanted, the first day of the rest of our lives"will looks proud
"it's one small step for a man one giant leap for your flippers" i laugh at jays comment
"you won't be laughing when we pull carli and rachel"
"no we won't because it won't happen" i say to will. "come on neil let's go downstairs and dance" i grab his had
"you coming jay?" neil asks him to which jay just nods and follows along
"she'd definitely get it" jay says pointing at different women
"right while you stand there and point at women who would get it if you had any balls to go up to them, we are going to dance" i grab neil's hand and pull him onto the dance floor and i'm grinding against him
"oh shit" neil says and i turn around to look at him
"what's wrong?"
"you've given me a boner and my cuts hurting worse then ever"
"come on let's go have a look at it in the bathroom"we walk past jay to get to the bathroom
"we're going to the bathroom to check neil's cut" i tell him
"alright but i might not be here when you get back because that one's giving me the old 'im gonna milk your balls dry' look" he points to a woman who is just scratching her eye making me roll my eyes and just walk away from him towards the bathroom
"right let me see" he pulls his pants down and groans in pain
i'm squatting down in front of him looking at the cut he has on his helmet when jay walks in "what's taking so fucking long"
"mate it's not good get us some bog roll it's bleeding" i say to jay while still holding the tip of neil's penis
"no jesus put it away neil" jay turns to look away
"i can't it stings when it rubs on my pants"
"we'll take your pants off then"
"here neil hold it" i say and he does while i stand up to get some toilet roll and go back squatting infront of him and lightly dabbing it to get the blood off
"then it will rub on my jeans" neil says back to jay
"neil no matter what your old man says you can't walk around london with your nob hanging out"when jay says that two bouncers walk in to the bathroom and escort us out one holding neil another holding me and jay
"i wasn't doing anything! she wasn't wanking me off! my cocks cut! my cock is cut!" neil shouts as we are being dragged out of the club
we are walking back to simons car and he asks us what happened
"i don't know me and livvy was looking at the cut on my cock jay was stood there with us" neil begins to explain
"sorry jay was stood there with you" wills questions
"it's not how it sounds"jay tried to explain himself
"it sounds like you were watching liv wank off neil in the toilets"
"i wasn't wanking him off i was just rolling it about in my hand and wiping the blood off it" i speak up
"alright spare us the details" we see the tramp simon swaped his shoes with come up behind us wish shit all over simons trainers
"right that's it i've had enough let's go, standing in an alleyway sober stinking off
piss and waring a tramps shoes was not what i had planned for this evening" we start walking back to simons car and we see his car had been clamped
"shit how much money have we got between us" simon asks us
"i'm not paying for this you choose to park here"jay says
"open the car so we're freezing" neil says while hugging me close to him
simon does and we get in. a man then starts banging on the front of the cars hood and demanding £200 from us which he is definitely not going to get
YOU ARE READING
wanker(the inbetweeners)
Humorneil sutherland x oc simon coppers sister olivia cooper has been friends with jay and neil for as long as she can remember and when will comes to the school and the group start ending up in a bunch of situations she will realise that she has deeper...
