A Little Bit of Sunshine

Chapter 36: Lena

"Lena, honey, you need to relax."

I let out a huff, glancing over the top of my computer monitors towards where Kara stood in the doorway. She was wearing sweatpants that hung low on her hips and a tank top. Her hair had been twisted up into a messy bun and her glasses were perched on top of her head. She was tired. I could see it in her eyes. Granted, I had been at my desk for the last few hours flipping between work and looking at houses online.

After my therapist put the idea of moving into my head, it had nearly eaten up all the available space. Moving made sense. My house was a minefield of bad memories and triggers as Dr. Edmonds so eloquently put it once she had dropped the heavy suggestion into my lap. The windows, the sounds it made in the silence, everything was tied in one way or another to something that yearned to snuff out my life; my house had stopped feeling like a home so long ago it wasn't even funny anymore. The downside was forgetting how stressful moving could be. I wasn't known for my patience. Once I decided on something, I wanted to make it happen immediately.

"I will in a minute," I said, averting my gaze. If I stared at her for too long, I would fall victim to her request, and I hadn't managed to accomplish nearly enough to even think about sleep yet.

"You've got five more minutes. Sort it out, Lee." Her tone was firm but calm.

By the time I looked up again, Kara was already leaving the office. I was absolutely pushing my luck. It wasn't often that she stepped in and made me stop, especially if I was at home by a reasonable time, but there were limits. She was here almost every night or vice-versa. In truth, I had forgotten what it was like to be alone.

Biting my lip, I began closing out of tabs and finishing up before she came back to scold me for not listening. That was the last thing I wanted. I knew she wouldn't take away cuddles but the last time I hadn't listened, I had written so many lines, I didn't even want to sign off on paperwork the next day.

I found Kara in the bedroom, eyes turned down towards her phone in front of the window. The light from the lamp was soft against her back compared to the harshness of the phone screen against her face. Her eyes were scrunched, phone much closer to her face than normal.

"Your glasses are on your head, Darling."

"What's the fun in that? This way it's like a guessing game." She smirked, but made no move to retrieve her glasses. "I was just talking to Alex. She said 'hi' by the way."

"Oh, tell her I said 'hey'." I began letting out my ponytail, working my fingers across my scalp to ease the pain as my hair relaxed. "What's she up to?"

"Sending me Zillow listings." She waved her phone. "For you, I mean. She's sending them for you. I forwarded them to your phone."

I could hear her nervousness, see it in the rigid lines of her defined shoulders. We hadn't discussed the elephant that had recently stepped into the room, dancing around it like untrained ballerinas.

"For you too..." I whispered, chewing on my cheek. As the words left my mouth, I almost wished I could take them back. I didn't want to pressure her. I didn't want to bear the wait of being rejected. Rejection was a feeling I knew well, and it clung to your mind forever. Rejection could wake up in the middle of the night and haunt through waking hours. Could I deal with rejection from Kara?

"What do you mean?" She turned to meet my eyes, searching.

"The listings... Um, they could be for you too. If you wanted."

"Are you sa–"

"Do you want to live with me?" The words burst out of me in a rush, and I clamped my hand over my mouth, eyes bulging. 'Oh my god. I just blurted– Shit.'