A Little Bit of Sunshine

Chapter 12: Lena

"Good morning, Ms. Luthor. I have your schedule when you're ready," Jess said, gathering her tablet as I crossed in front of her desk Sunday morning. The sudden sound of her voice made me jump. Thankfully, she hadn't noticed, too focused on collecting all of the message memos that had come in Saturday. I had been scattered most of the morning, begging my mind to come back to itself again after spending so much time being little. Kara leaving that morning had done very little to help the situation. She had respected my space when my alarm went off in the morning, though she had brewed a pot of coffee and placed a bowl of fruit on the island for me when I finally stepped out of the bedroom. Seeing breakfast waiting for me was something I wasn't used to. Seeing Kara – let alone anyone – in my home, first thing in the morning was something I wasn't used to.

Then she was gone with a warm hug and a gentle kiss at my temple. I wanted her to come back immediately. If I was being honest, I wanted her to come back before she ever stepped out the door. I felt bad for how bad I had acted after my nightmare. I shouldn't have yelled. I shouldn't have told her no. I shouldn't have made her carry me around when I weighed way too much to be carried even for a few minutes, let alone over an hour. She had never raised her voice though. She'd never done anything but comfort me. Even when she had changed my clothes and cleaned me up, she had done it all with a soft voice and slow movements. I should have been more grateful. I should have said so before she left, and instead, I hadn't said anything at all. I had just stared up at her, throat closed off and my mind buzzing.

What could I possibly say to her though? 'Thank you for being so willing to carry me around and get my pee all over you so you had to steal some of my clothes before we could go to sleep? Thank you for letting me smash you for the whole of the night on the couch because I'm too much of a chicken shit to get back into bed?'

Embarrassment began to eat away at my mind, followed closely by shame. I had become incapable of doing anything right. I had been the worst little I could possibly be. Mother taught me better than to act like I did. The best thing I could do was probably let Kara go; let her find a better little to care for. One that wasn't a broken cry baby, who couldn't even eat with her in the same room.

"Ms. Luthor?"

"Hm?" I jolted back to reality to find Jess waiting expectantly. I was still standing in front of her desk as if my mind had turned completely off. "Oh, I'm so sorry. Guess I need more coffee."

"I'll go put your order in and bring that up. Here's your messages."

I nodded, took the pile of pink slips, and hurried into my office before I made any further a fool of myself. Work. That's what I needed to do. I needed to bury myself in work and think of nothing else. Too much time had already been put aside for childish things. Now was the time for work.

By the time Jess returned to my office with my coffee and her tablet to go over anything pertinent I needed to know for the day, I had found some composure. Granted, it left me coming off cold and indifferent, but Jess took it in stride as she always did and left me alone once more.

The dedication to ignore everything else held true all the way through lunch time when Sam came through the door with a plastic bag and a briefcase. She shut the door behind her and sat down in front of my desk.

"Can I help you?" I asked, brow arching. Had I missed an appointment? I wouldn't be surprised with the way my morning had been going.

"I brought you lunch before our conference call." She slid a clear to-go box containing a salad with diced chicken towards me and tapped the plastic with a nail. "Eat."

"Sam, I'm busy..."

"Don't care. Eat."

"I'm really not hungry."