Burning in revenge 2

Miserable phase

Note : this is just elaborated version of first few chapters 

Ram's POV 

I never felt this rage inside me ever in my 25 years of life. How could Jenny do this to me, I thought she is in live with me... I forgave her lies, accepted her, ready to start new life with her. But... she...

I called Santhosh, he is the only friend I have... knows me more than anyone in the world. I told him about divorce papers. 

"Just by seeing papers you can't come to conclusion. Talk to her when she returns, find the reason" he said. His words didn't calm me

"I want to drink" i said. Santhosh drinks regularly, asks me to taste every time, just for namesake but never forced, he knows how much I hate alcohol. Dad and Vishnu drinks occasionally in parties, I never did. 

Santhosh was shocked hearing me, tried to talk me out of it but I just want to drink, drink away my pain... he said, my parents will be worried. I told him no one is home. Finally he brought a bottle, kept it on table and went to kitchen. I finished half the bottle in one gulp

"Ram" he shouted "you drank raw and that much? It is too much even for me

I barely understood what he is saying, asked him to drop me home. He asked me to stay but I wanted to go. 

I feel banging on my head, buzzing in ears, I'm trying to open eyes but finding hard. Finally I opened my eyes with difficulty. I was shocked to see Jenny's face. I rubbed my eyes and realized that Jenny is sleeping under me. What? Immediately I tried to get up, shit! I'm inside her and naked... when I got up i could see fresh blood flowing between her legs. The sight of her brought tears, she is naked, every inch of her body is bruised, teeth prints... I couldn't bear to watch her, covered her in blanket. What have I done? I did this to her? I was about to wake her but I want to wear dress before. My shirt in torn, pant is ripped... Jenny's dress is in pieces... how am I alive even after seeing what I have done?

Jenny! She is unconscious, that's why she is not awake, I shook her, calling her name but there was no response. Quickly I wore dress and filled bath tub with hot water. I carried Jenny wrapped in blanket, she groaned in pain when I lifted her. I felt thousand needles pricking my heart at once.

I placed her in bath tub and sat with her , holding 

"Please leave me, don't touch me, please" she begged half consciously. I feel ashamed of myself

After sometime she opened eyes, looked at me in fear, jerked away from me and tried to get up but tripped. I caught her

"Please don't touch me, I'm sorry... please....Please, don't do this... I can't take it" she begged crying

I feel like dying hearing her

"I'm not doing anything, you were unconscious... I placed you tub and held you...I... I will be outside..."

I helped her sit in tub and left. She flinched with my touch. What have I done? How can I do this? How can I hurt the girl I love? How can I live with this? Jenny! I'm so sorry. I did this to you. I can't imagine what she went through, seeing fear in her eyes I can see what I have done. First I have to take care of Jenny, she is not well, I destroyed her

 I couldn't bear to look at the state of the bed. I deserve to bear the pain but not Jenny, I threw them in washing machine and changed the bedsheet. I made breakfast. Jenny was laying in sofa, crying. She tried to get up but couldn't 

"Eat breakfast and take pain killer and sleep. I promise that I won't touch you. My sin isn't small to absolve with apology. I was drunk but that doesn't justify my crime. We will talk later. Eat and take rest" I said leaving

"Jenny, should I call doctor? I..." 

"No" she shouted "I'm... fine...I will take pain killers" she said. She is lying m she is not fine at all

"You don't have to go, I will call Dr. Vidya..."

"Please don't call her... she will know...I... don't... need.. Doctor...I'm a doctor, I can take care of myself" she said. She is still worried for me, want to hide my crime!

"Do you need any medication? I will get"

She nodded looking down, she wrote on prescription pad and kept on table. I went to pharmacy and got. I stayed at home but didn't enter the bedroom. I just want to die, maybe not... I should live with guilt, thinking of my crime every single second. I took lunch for Jenny, she was laying uncomfortably on sofa... I asked her to sleep on bed, promised will not touch her. She nodded no, not looking at me. Why would she trust me after what I did to her! I felt like a slap

"Can you please..." she hesitated 

"Jenny, please tell whatever you want to say... hit me, kill me... whatever makes you feel better but seeing fear in your eyes and hesitation to talk,  I can't bear..." I couldn't hold my tears. She is seeing me as monster. 'Of course, you are a monster' my mind reminded me? She stared at me with pity, holding back tears

"I want water bed" she said looking away.

Why didn't I think about it? I saw what state her body is, she would be in immense pain. I got water bed delivered in an hour, filled it with water. I slept in guest room that night, couldn't sleep. Around 3, I went to our room, I wanted to see Jenny 

"Ram, please... sorry, no... please" Jenny is mumbling in her sleep, tears are flowing from her closed eyes. Her words hit me like bullets. I held her hand, patted her head

"I will never hurt you Jenny, I'm so sorry... I'm sorry, I will never hurt you, I don't even deserve forgiveness..." 

She clutched my hand tightly and slept, I couldn't sleep. Around 6, I went to guest room, I didn't want to scare Jenny first thing in the morning.

Jenny covers bruises completely with dress during day time but night, she wears shorts, thinking that she is alone, doesn't know I sneak and comfort her. She is getting nightmares. I can see my brutality seeing her bruises and hearing her cries, begging me to stop in her nightmares. I'm haunting her even in dreams

My family returned after a week, I had no choice but move to our bedroom. I decided to go somewhere, pretending some office trip. Jenny wouldn't like having me. When I packed my bag to go, Jenny asked me to stay, didn't say another word.

It's been more than a month since that horrible incident. Everyone noticed changes in her. She used to be so lively and non stop chatter box but she hardly speaks now. The only time I see her smile is when she is with Nivi. Everyone asked me what happened to Jenny, I lied to them that she is missing her family. Mom asked me to take her to her home but I'm scared that she would never come back. I don't know anything about her family, who they are and where they live.

We never spoke about the incident. Maybe I'm not ready to talk, scared of loosing her.  I couldn't bear the thought of her going away. That's why I lost it when Tanvi showed me divorce papers. Whatever is the reason my actions can never be justified. I should talk to her. I got the opportunity today. Everyone went to our native place for kuldevi pooja. Mom said, Jenny is not feeling well and asked me to take care of her.

She was scared seeing me, asked "you...didn't go..." she begged not to touch her when I went near her

"I committed grave sin, it can't be absolved with simple apology. I'm ready for any punishment but I can't see you like this. I will do anything for your forgiveness. I promise I would never touch you, not without your permission. I don't know how I brutally raped you. I'm ashamed of myself, it's burning me. I don't even have the courage to ask for forgiveness" I finally I could muster the courage to talk about the incident

She was silent

"Please say something" I begged

"Divorce me" she said

"Will you get over this trauma if I give divorce?" I asked

"I don't know but I can't live in this house" she said? I don't know if I can live without her

"Can't you give chance to our relationship" I asked with hope

She nodded no looking down crying

"Ok, give me two weeks, I will arrange everything" I said. I myself am disgusted by what I did, I can understand how she is feeling. She would never want to see my face.