A Teenage Love Affair

A Teenage Love Affair: Chapter 28- I Want You

Never let your ears accept what your eyes haven’t seen and never let your mouth speak what your heart doesn’t feel.

Before when I was young and was bullied in school, my dad tells me never to explain myself to anyone. Because normally, the person who likes you doesn’t need it and the person who dislikes you won’t believe it. And yet now, I don’t know whether he likes me or not. You know who I’m referring to.

I looked for Marky everywhere. And to what? Explain myself to him? How could I explain myself to him? A person like Marky doesn’t listen. Most especially when he already stated to himself what he should think is right and isn’t. It’s like fire and water. They always clash together. They clash but never really meet. But, what happened—I really need to talk things out to Marky. I really have to clear things out to him. I feel like if I don’t, I won’t be able to sleep. I feel so devastated and yet when I finally found him I was frozen to my place. When he saw me, his eyes went wide in shock and then they narrowed as if he remembered something that I did. Then he turns his back to me.

“Marky!” I called for him and heads started to turn.

“Not now, lady.” He says as he continues to avoid me. I felt the sting in my heart. And yet I want him to listen to me. So I grab hold of his arm.

“Marky, please talk to me—“  he turns around and the grudge look on his face made me gasp and let go of him.

“I don’t want to talk to you.” he said the words like poison and I felt like dying in place.

“Please,” I could hear the desperation in my voice. What a shame on my part. I pity myself right now yet it amuses me how I don’t care. “Please just hear me out.”

“Why should I? It’s so clear, Dennise. So clear.” He presses his lips tightly and I can see the hurt in his eyes which he’s been trying to hide. I know that if I touch him now, I’d feel him shaking.

“Marky,” I felt my vision blur as tears start to fall from my eyes.

“Why don’t you go back to Sydney?” he retorted. “It’s him you want.” He finishes and then he leaves.

If only he would stay and listen. Then he would know. He would know…

“Dennise,” I turned to see Syd and a crowd of people lurking, watching. I guess they were fully entertained with the scene Marky and I just made. Syd’s right hand was out stretched towards me. But I couldn’t bring myself to him right now. Not right now when it’s not his arms I want around me.

“It’s done, Syd. It’s done. I- I…” and that moment when I thought I couldn’t bring any more shame on myself, I started to burst into tears. I felt Syd’s arms around me.

“I’m so sorry, Dennise. I didn’t mean to—“

I looked up at him and I pushed him away from me. I felt so pissed off right now that he is too kind to me. Too kind and yet he did this to me. To Marky. To us.

I couldn’t feel anything. Even the sting of my own words as I told him the next thing I know. The next thing I feel. I feel only pain. I hurt.

“No, Syd. You did mean it this time.”

I said as I walk away from him.

                                                                                                ***

Sometimes, I get confused with things. Strange thing about me: people who I love the most are people who I don’t talk to everyday. And if you give me a slam book right now, I’d only give you a hell of vague answers.