Edge of Chaos | Dad's best friend | 20 Squad BOOK #1

Edge of Sanity | Layla| Twelve

I told Victor I'm in love with him.

Once I said it, I couldn't take it back and my confession hung in the air like intoxicating fumes of a perfume.

My heart hammers in my chest as I wait for him to say something. I can see the wheels turning in his mind as he process my words. I had no intention of telling him how I really feel today, but thinking I was going to die today without Tan knowing was scarier than death and before I could stop myself, the words tumbled out of my mouth.

"I don't know what to say." Victor admits finally.

I guess that's better than him saying he doesn't feel the same way.

"I'm not expecting you to say anything back," I admit. I've had years to deal with my feelings for Tan, I didn't expect a confession of love from him. "I just wanted you to know."

"Are you sure?" Tan wonders. "Maybe it's just the adrenaline of the day talking..."

"I'm sure," I sighed heavily. If I was gonna tell him the truth I might as well tell him the whole truth. "I've been in love with you since I was eighteen years old."

"That's ten years Layla. What didn't you say anything sooner?"

"How could I? You had Bonnie and I was not going to ruin that for you. And I don't want to ruin anything now but I just had to tell you how I feel."

"Layla I don't..." Tan paused. "I love Bonnie. Before your brother died I promised him that I would watch out for you and take care of you and I'll always keep that promise. But us... it's not happening. I'm sorry."

My heart shatters into a million pieces at his words. Of course I knew there was a chance that he wouldn't feel the same way, which is why so always kept my feelings a secret. The fear of being rejected and actually being rejected were two different things though, and as Tan's words run on a loop in my head, I suddenly regret telling him how I feel.

****

"Wait, he said he's not interested?" Taylor repeats, her voice coming out loud and clear through the speaker.

I was currently in my bedroom having a 3-way conversation with her and Mya over the phone. It's been three days since I told Tan how I feel and to say things have been awkward would be an understatement.

He's been crashing at Bonnie's place every night; he says it's because he place is closer to HQ but we both know that's a lie. When he is home I stay in my bedroom and when I do come out for a snack or a drink we just stare at each other until the other makes an excuse to leave.

I hated this.

If I had known this was how things were going to be between us I would've never told Tan how I feel. I missed my friend. I missed stuffing our face with with McDonald's breakfast on Saturday. I missed watching The Bachelor on the couch on Tuesday nights. I missed the way Tan would come into my room after work to check on me when he thought I was sleeping.

I missed the way we used to be.

"Yup." I give my head a sad little nod. "He said he loves Bonnie so we can never happen."

"Damn. I'm sorry Layla." Mya chimes in. "I thought for sure he had feelings for you especially after that kiss."

"I guess it was just a dare to him after all."

"So what are you going to do? Is it like totally awkward between you guys now?" Taylor wondered.

"Awkward is an understatement." I confess.

"I'm sorry. What are you going to do?" Mya asked.

"Zane did invite me to stay with him for weekend for this book convention we have to go to. I think I'll take him up on his offer. And who knows, maybe this time apart will be good for me and Tan."

We talk for a few more minutes before hanging up and I start packing me things to go over to Zane's. Maybe this whole thing with Tan was a blessing in disguise. Now that I know Tan doesn't feel the same way I could finally give Zane a real chance. This weekend together would take our relationship to the next step and that's exactly what I needed right now.

I pack my stuff, enough for 3 days away before heading out the room.

"Where are you going?"

A startled yelp escapes my lips at the sound of the voice. My heart slams against my chest as I turn around and see Victor coming out of his bedroom. I thought he was out with Bonnie.

"You scared me," I pant.

"Sorry." He sets the mug in his hand down on the counter before his eyes land on my bag. "Going somewhere?"

"Yes. Zane invited me to spend the weekend with him while we're out of town for this work event we have to go to."

"Oh, did he now?" There's an edge to his voice that wasn't there before.

"I figured I would go since things have been awkward between us since... since I told you how I feel."

"So let me get this straight," Tan takes a step towards me."You told me you love me and now you're gonna spend the weekend with another man?"

"I- uh..." I pressed my lips together, not sure of what to say.

"That's not happening." Tan tells me.

Suddenly anger washes over me. "And why not?" I demand. "I told you how I feel and you made it clear that you don't feel the same way. So why shouldn't I spend time with a guy who actually wants me? At least with Zane I know where I stand. So yeah, I'm going to spend the weekend with Zane and there's nothing you can do to stop me."

In a flash, Tan is suddenly standing in front of me. Tension line his muscles, anger radiating off him. "You're wrong Layla. You're not gonna spend the weekend with Zane because I'm the one you want. I'm the one you love. I'm the one that's gonna fuck you until I'm the only man you ever think about." Tan tells me and before I can react and register his words, Tan kisses me.