Loving Her is Red

Forty Four

YOUR POV

Last night was a mistake, seeing Natasha. I cried in her arms until the sadness turned into to anger and I couldn't help but raise my voice. I feel bad, worse than bad, but I can't change things now. Nat went home crying around midnight. I thought releasing my frustration would help, but clearly not.

- y/n : I feel like crap

- Wanda : You've got a hangover?

- y/n : No, because of how I spoke to Nat

- Wanda : She told you to. She said she needed to hear it, that you needed to say it

- y/n : I need to apologise

- Wanda : Have something to eat first, then go round there

- y/n : Mhm

The kids are all being dropped off this morning so I kind of want to get over there and talk to Nat before Charlie, Daniel and PJ get home. Ives will probably be dropped home with Talya, Billy and Tommy.

- y/n : Hey

- Natasha : We need to talk

- y/n : Yeah

- Natasha : Come in, let's go to the kitchen. The kids are all upstairs

- y/n : They're already home, that was early. I just, I'm so sorry for the way I spoke to-

- Natasha : Shut up. Bucky saw something, he told me. I don't know what to do Y/n

- y/n : What?

- Natasha : Ivy

Crap

- Natasha : She's been hurting herself. I don't know how or where, she won't let me anywhere near her without her screaming and yelling. Y/n, whatever is happening between us needs to go on hold, for the kids, because I don't know what to do

- y/n : I've got it handled

- Natasha : What?

- y/n : She's seeing a therapist and I've taught her some coping mechanisms that helped me-

- Natasha : You knew?

- y/n : Nat-

- Natasha : You knew our baby girl was hurting herself and didn't think to tell me? I'm her mother, I deserve to know. Jesus Y/n. What else are you hiding from me? Are they actually my kids? What actually happened to Kaiya?

- y/n : What? Where has that come from? Are they actually your kids? You actually think I'd do that to you. They all looks like you in some way or another

- Natasha : You hide stuff I deserved to know

- y/n : I did it to protect my daughter

- Natasha : There you go again, your daughter, that's what makes me question if they're mine. You never say our children. They're always yours

I refer to the kids as ours all the time, she's just mad, rightfully so but I was honouring Ivy's wishes. She didn't want Nat to know.

- Ivy : Mom

- y/n : Hiya baby, just head upstairs for me, yeah?

- Natasha : No, get back in here. Why Ivy? Why would you do that to yourself?

- Ivy : You promised

- y/n : It wasn't me

- Natasha : Why? I need to know why Ivy

- Ivy : Go grab your bag honey

- Natasha : How could she do that to herself? I don't get it. Where did we go wrong?

- y/n : I've got it handled Tasha, trust me

- Natasha : I feel useless. I don't know how to help her

- y/n : You don't need to worry, I've got her. We're making progress

I know it's not fair that I didn't tell Nat but I didn't know what else to do.

- Ivy : Mom

- y/n : Come here. Mama knows, she needs a minute but she knows. She wants to help, okay Ives?

- Ivy : I don't want to disappoint you, either of you

- y/n : No baby, that's never going to happen. I'm so proud of you for telling me and for letting me help. Your Mama is so proud of the person you're becoming

It's probably worth while if we have some kinda of sit down conversation as me, Ivy and Nat. To talk things through, arrange a more stable support system.

- y/n : I can make dinner tonight, after the boys go to bed we can talk. The four of us

- Natasha : Four?

- y/n : Charlie knows

- Natasha : What

- y/n : I'll be back around 4 to start cooking

- Ivy : Mom

- y/n : Come on Ives. I'll see you in a bit Nat

Having a proper conversation about these things could help, should help. Things need to be out in the air between us all. If there's anyway I can move back in then we need to talk things through.

Authors Note
Have a drink and
a snack please