The Love Diary

Saturday 10th February

I woke up and stretched and as I rolled and my arm stretched to the other side of the bed I felt the familiar warmth of one of the boys.

I opened my eyes and found Chester curled up next to me and I could feel Duke at my feet.

Then I realised James wasn't here. I looked around and I could still see most of his clothes and his wallet was on the bedside table.

Then I heard a crash. Followed by a loud “fuck”.

I smiled up at the ceiling. Duke decided he would go and investigate. Chester had raised his head but quickly put it back down again and closed his eyes.

I was laying in bed listening to the noises down stairs, when suddenly Duke came charging into the room and leapt right on top of me.

“Ooof Duke you limp!” I said pushing him off of me. He got up with a huff and went to his bed.

Then I noticed the footsteps creeping up the stairs. I sat up slightly and watched as James slowly peeped into the room.

“Was it Duke?” He nodded towards Duke who was watching him carefully. Waiting to pounce on any crumbs that were to spill on the floor.

“No, I was already awake. I could hear you swearing.” He reddened a little.

“I wanted to do something nice.” He then fully walked into the room carrying a tray with a stack of pancakes, some strawberries, a glass of apple juice and presumably a coffee.

He walked to the bed and I pushed Chester off gently to give him some more room to set the tray down. He sat next to me and we ate the pancakes and strawberries in companionable silence. I had the apple juice and the coffee was for James.

I threw the boys each a bit of pancake when we were done and James set the tray on the chest of drawers.

“So I was thinking we could drive out to Dunwich and walk the boys around the marshes and then maybe head to The Ship for a drink and maybe some lunch?” I said as after finishing my apple juice.

“That sounds lovely, but I'm pretty sure it rained all night, it's very wet out there. The beach at Dunwich is nice though. And that won't be horrid after the rain.” I nodded and James walked over to open the curtains.

We got ready, chatting about stopping at James for his boots and a hat and got the boys all ready to go.

“Alice. I think we should talk about my promotion.” We had only just pulled out of the driveway. He kept his eyes on the road but his voice was serious.

“You're right… When do you start?” I settled on this after a quick internal debate on what to ask first. What I really want to know is when does this end?

“In a month. It gives them some time to replace me in my current role.” I nodded, realised he couldn't see me and mumbled a response. I waited to see if he would say anything else. He just kept driving.

“James… I've really enjoyed getting to know you and spending time with you, but long distance… it just seems impossible to me…” I let it trail off.

I do really really like him… my only long distance relationship failed because they put in no effort. And while I'm sure James would, it'll be hard with his odd hours and just life getting in the way. And I'm 27. I'm looking for someone to settle down with.

James was quiet for a moment.

“I'm glad you said that. We're not really in a position for long distance to be temporary and we don't know each other well enough for either of us to sacrifice our careers.” He paused. “Do you think we can still be friends?”

He glanced at me quickly and I smiled at him.

“Absolutely.” And I meant it. I reached over and put my hand on his leg. He put his hand on top of mine and smiled at me briefly.

The beach was beautiful. The sea was rough, the waves crashing angrily against the shore. The wind was seemingly blowing the salt right out of the sea and into our faces. It was fresh. But actually really nice.

The boys didn't notice anything aggressive about the weather and were running around as if it was a cool summer day. Chester started barking at a wave that got his paws when he wasn't looking and Duke took this to mean he should chase the wave. He went charging in only to comically turn around and try to run out of the way of the next wave that came along.

Me and James stood holding onto each other laughing at Duke’s cartoon character move.

When we arrived at the pub it was pleasantly busy and we easily found a table close but not next to the fire so we immediately felt its warmth in our bones.

We each ordered sandwiches and a drink and when the waitress brought our lunch she gave the boys half a sausage each. (She did ask us first).

We got back home and Chester went straight to his bed while Duke ran and pulled out his rabbit toy and just lay next to the toy box nibbling the rabbit's ear.

I found a bag of microwave popcorn in the cupboard and heated it while James flipped through Netflix to find a movie.

We spent most of the evening watching films and snacking. We ate leftovers of yesterday's pasta for dinner on the sofa, and we chatted animatedly over most of the movie we were watching.

I don't even remember how it happened, but I was soon straddling James’ lap, his hands under my top, our breathing heavy.

The movie played in the background, ignored as I allowed myself to be consumed by James. The feel of his hands on my skin, moving as if he can't touch me enough. The scent of his aftershave that was now imprinted in my mind. The desire in his kiss as he pulled me close, stood up with my legs around his waist and laid me down onto the sofa, lowering his body slowly on top of mine.

I let go of the sadness that James would be moving.