Red Owl Vs Blue Raven

Fight or Fright

Luz: I hate to say this but his right about that.

Tex: This is a long range weapon, okay? I need distance to use it effectively.

Tucker: Where were you planning on shooting him from, the fucking moon? If you'd have backed up any further you'd have had to mail him the bullets.

Tex: You know what? I work better alone. You ladies stay here, I'll be back in two minutes with that thing's head on a platter.

Luz: You got this Tex! (Whispers to Amity.) She is going to be destroyed.

Tucker: Does it ever bother you that the most take-charge guy on our team is a girl?

Church: Not at all. As long as I get my body back I don't care if I'm a hero.

Tucker: ...

Caboose: ...

Amity:...

Luz:...Your joking.

Church: What.

Tucker: Huh, well, Church you're kind of a long way from "hero." Wouldn't it have been better to say "I don't care if I'm a participant?" Or maybe bystander?

Church: Shut up.

Caboose: Or a decoy.

Church: Hey, Caboose, don't help him okay?

Tex goes in

Tucker: Hey she's going in, you guys think she can take him?

Amity: That thing kicked V ass. Who has saws, claws, metal razor sharp wings, and guns. So I would say.

Sound of a punch or something, and Tex's ghost materializes behind them

Tex: Oh crap.

Church and Amity: Nope.

Luz: You okay Tex!?

Tex: Could be better Luz! Could be better!

Cut to Grif and Sarge watching Simmons watch Donut flying the motorcycle

Simmons: Come on Donut, give someone else a turn!

Donut: Wait, wait, I wanna show you guys a bunny hop I'm workin' on. Look! N- no wait, now, he- look, look- awh, oh man, I was totally doin' it earlier, why weren't you guys watching then?

Simmons: I need it to find the tank!

Donut: Wheeeee! Woooooo! Woohooo!

Sarge: Grif. I wanna share something with you. And you can't let Simmons know.

Grif: Whatever.

Sarge: I think that Simmons has gone mad. It's probably some kind of Time Travel Post Traumatic Repetitive Stress Syndrome. In scientific terms, he's developed Cranial Insanitosis. Basically, he's gone bonkers.

Simmons: (over the radio) Sarge, I'm not crazy, I really saw a tank.

Sarge: And apparently he's developed some kind of mutant telepathy power. Clear your mind Grif, he can hear your thoughts!

Simmons: No, you guys just left your mics on again. I keep telling you not to do that 'cause you're just wasting the batteries. Oh and guess who rechar-

Sarge: Clearly he's sabotaging us with his superior technology. Grif, I need you to step up to the plate. You're my Number Two man now.

Grif: Does that mean more work?

Sarge: Of course. You'll have to do Simmons' regular duties on top of the responsibilities I normally entrust you with.

Grif: So basically just Simmons' duties then.

Sarge: Right. Luckily we still have Donut, so no-one has to fill in his shoes. Donut! Combat situation!

Donut: Yes Sir, I'm on it. Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! (continues screaming like a woman)

Sarge: What a pro. Simmons, I mean Grif! Establish a perimeter!

Grif: Huh? What's that?

Sarge: Make a border around us, and make sure no enemy crosses it.

Grif: Huh, that sounds like a lot of effort. Can't I just go back to being Number four again?

Sarge: Number four? Whaddaya mean 'Number four?

Grif: Oh right, Donut. Can I go back to being Number Four then?

Sarge: And Lopez.

Grif: Fine. I'll be Number Five, I don't care.

Sarge: And Hunter.

Grif: Okay fine. Number six I'm ok with that.

Sarge: I don't know, that O'Malley guy can really work a rocket launcher.

Grif: But he's the enemy!

Sarge: I'm not real particular. Now get to work on that perimeter! Bogey approaching!

Simmons: Sir I really think we should be looking for that tank.

Sarge: Hold on a minute. Let's just take it easy there, Private First Class Dick Simmons.

Grif starts drawing in the dirt with a sniper rifle

Simmons: But I- hey, what? Why did you use my full name?

Sarge: Grif, what in Sam hell are you doin'?

Grif: I secured your perimeter Sir. Now I'm gonna go over to the chow hall and secure some Oreos. I got a diet to keep up. Break time! (starts running to the base)

Sarge: Honeymoon's over, numbnuts! You're back down to Number Seven!

Grif: Oh yeah? Well I saw the tank too!

Cut back to the Blues and the dead Blues

Tucker: Maybe Caboose should try talking to him.

Caboose: Uhh, what would I say?

Tucker: Start with some common ground. Like how you both killed Church.

Caboose: Mmm... good times.

Amity: Wait what?

Luz: (To Amity.) I'll explain later.

Church: You know I actually like that idea.

Tex: You do?

Church: Well think about it. While our Ambassador here is either being a) eaten by the alien, or b) digested, by the alien, you and I can sneak back in and get our bodies.

Caboose: I would make an excellent Ambidasdor, because I am very shy!

Tucker: Get away from me freak!

Luz: Be nice Tucker! Don't worry Caboose you will do great.

Caboose: Yeah! Thanks in believing me Luz!

Church: You know if that word's too hard to pronounce, you can just call yourself bait.

Tex: (at the top of the ramp) There's my body.

Church: Oh yeah, hey look, there's your body. Heh heh heh huh, you really didn't make it very far, did you.

Tex: You know I wonder, if I killed a ghost, would it come back as a ghost of a ghost?

Amity: That is a interesting theory.

Church: Yeah that's a good point I'll... shut up now.

Cut to Caboose sneaking up on the bomb

Caboose: Hey Andy. Say, have you seeeeen, it's a big uh, slimy, like alien looking thing it's uhhh, it's shaped just kinda like that shadow that's on the ground next to you. Oh