Red Owl Vs Blue Raven

Silver Linings

Fade in to the bomb, counting down the last few seconds to 2:00

Grif: Howh, just two minutes left.

Hunter: Well you got any regrets Grif.

Grif: I guess not getting to say goodbye to my sister.

Hunter: Damn.

Sarge: Men, I don't want this to sound pessimistic, but I'm absolutely certain we're all gonna die!

Simmons: I think that that's a totally objective assessment of the situation, sir.

Tucker: (hitting the window shutters with the ultimate weapon) What if we just beat on these window shutters together? We can get 'em open.

Amity: I think we're getting close! (Also hitting the windows.)

Sarge: No, that would be the coward's way out. Fruitlessly trying to escape instead of accepting your own fate!

Tucker: (jumping up in the now open window) But I can see daylight!

Luz: He's right!

Sarge: It's true. Only a miracle can save us now.

Cut to the computer with V and Church

Computer: teleporter complete. slightly behind schedule.

Church: (with a white beard all the way to Tibet) You know, it might have gone a bit faster if you hadn't spent so much processor time telling knock-knock jokes.

Computer: knock knock.

V: Enough. Do you have the coordinates to send us to Blood Gulch or not?

Computer: yes. do you guys have a plan yet?

Church: I've been standing in this hallway thinking for a thousand years. I've had time.

V: I didn't I was just going to wing it and probably make new weapons for myself.

Computer: and?

Church: Well, the main thing I need to do, is keep myself from dying.

Computer and V: (with a glaring typo) that's a given.

Church: And since all our problems stem from O'Malley and Boscha jumpin' from Tex to Caboose and Luz, all I need to do is prevent her from dying too.

V: Because you secretly love her.

Church: Oh don't start that again. All I need to do is kill that pink guy that sticks the grenade on her.

Computer: sounds easy.

V: I really have a bad feeling about this and I have no idea why.

Church: Well, I and V have knowledge of everything that takes place beforehand, so, as long as I don't interfere too much, or get spotted, should be a frigging breeze.

Computer: ready to transport.

V: See you around man. (Saluting to the computer)

Church: Okay, let's do it. Goodbye... computer. Compu- you know what, you'd think I would have come up with a name for you in these thousand years.

Computer: it's gary. but thanks for asking. see you in a few hundred years.

V and Church with a beard all the way to Tibet teleports away, and is instantly replaced by V and Church with no beard to Tibet running up to the same spot

Church: Computer, you've got to send us back!

Gary: to blood gulch? you just left.

V: No no no not to Blood Gulch, to Sidewinder! Man we totally screwed everything up! I mean it was a whole shit show!