Red Owl Vs Blue Raven

The Rookies

Simmons, Eda, Hunter and Grif are on top of Red Base. A soldier in red armor (Donut) is walking up the ramp behind them.

Simmons: Hey, that's not exactly what happened.

Eda: You I went to the Vegas quadrant once I was married to a man named Stan for "less than a day" while in Vegas quadrant. But I only married Stan so I could make off with his casino winnings

Grif: Ah good one. But Simmons you said, "I'm not going to the Vegas quadrant," and then the next thing I know you're in an escape pod headed for-

Donut: Excuse me, uh, sirs.

Grif: Sirs? (turns to Donut) Ah crap.

Donut: I was told to report to Blood Gulch Outpost Number One and speak to whoever's in charge.

Grif: Sorry man, Sarge is at Command getting orders. Ain't nobody in charge today.

Eda: Actually, Private, he left me in charge while he and Amity are gone.

Grif: Ok whatever.

Simmons: Also, he told me if I had any trouble from you I should... (clears throat then poorly imitates Sarge) "Git in the Warthog, and crush yer head like a tomato-can."

Hunter: That was the worst impression. (brief pause) Of all time

Simmons: Okay rookie, what's your story?

Donut: Private Donut reporting for duty, sir. I'm ready to fight some aliens.

Grif: Couple things here, rookie. First off, Private Donut? I think somebody needs a new nickname. Secondly, what's with the armor color?

Donut: This IS the standard issue red.

Grif: Yeah, I know. Listen. Only two kinds of people wear standard issue armor: officers and recruits. And since you're not threatening to gut me like a fish, you're probably not an officer.

Donut: (looks at Simmons) Well, he's wearing red armor.

Simmons: No, my armor is maroon. Your armor is red.

Eda: I am a officer.

Donut: Well, how do I get a different color armor?

Hunter: I costume made my.

Donut: Really you can do that.

Hunter: Well there is a shit ton of paperwork but still.

Simmons: I bet the blues don't have to put up with this kind of crap.

Church, Tucker, Lilith and a three soldier two standard issue blue (Caboose). The other is in Cyan with a Pearlescent Yellow visor. With a flamethrower and rocket launcher.

Caboose: So I say to the guy, "How're you gonna get the tank down to the planet?" And he goes, "I'll just put it on the ship," and I go, "If you've got a ship that can carry a tank, why not just put guns on the ship and use it instead?"

Tucker: Hey, kid.

Caboose: Yeah?

Tucker: You're ruining the moment. Shut up.

Cyan: Hey don't be rude.

Caboose: Oh. Okay. You got it man!

Church: You know what? I could blow up the whole god damn world with this thing.

Cut to the Reds.

Simmons: Okay, Private Donut, here's the deal.

Grif: I just refuse to call him Private Donut!

Hunter: Then call him private dumbass.

Grif: I'm not doing that.

Eda: We've got a very important mission for you. You think you can handle it?

Donut: Absolutely!

Simmons: We need you to go to the store, and get two quarts of elbow grease.

Grif: Yeah and uh, pick up some headlight fluid for the Puma too.

Eda: And some apple blood.

Donut: The what and what?

Simmons: He means the Warthog. And apple blood is alcohol drink.

Grif: You do know where the store is, right, Rookie?

Donut: What? Yeah, yeah, of course I do. Sure, no problem.

Simmons: Well, get going then.

Donut starts running across the base.

Grif: Other way.

Donut turns around and goes the other way.

Donut: I knew that. Just got turned around that's all.

Grif, Hunter, Eda and Simmons watch Donut running off into the Gulch.

Simmons: How long do you think until he figures out there's no store?

Grif: I say... at least a week.

Eda: I'll get some of that action. I say a week.

Hunter: I'll say a hour.

Grif: Really ok if your right. Me and Eda will do your duties for a month.

Eda: Yeah but if your wrong you have to do are duties for a month.

Hunter: Deal!

Donut runs through the Gulch, stops, and turns to talk to himself.

Donut: Elbow grease... How stupid do they think I am? Once I get back to base with that headlight fluid, and apple blood I'm gonna talk to the Sergeant.

Cut to the Blues.

Tucker: You know what? Forget what I said before. We can definitely pick up chicks in this thing. Probably two or three chicks a piece.

Church: Oh man, listen to you. What're you gonna do with two chicks?

Tucker: Church, women are like Voltron: The more you can hook up, the better it gets.

Cyan: I'm a women and I know that doesn't work that way.

Lilith: Yeah Tucker. Anyway what are you two names. I got Cabooses but not you two.

Stander blue: I'm Gus Porter.

Cyan: Luz Noceda.

Cut to Grif, Hunter, Eda and Simmons.

Simmons: You think that we were too mean to the kid?

Grif: Nah, he'll just wander around on the cliffs for a few hours. What's the worst that could happen?

Donut approaches Blue Base.

Donut: Finally, there it is. ...Oh sweet! They sell tanks!

(Author notes)
Here's the ages of the owl house characters. Ages to join the Military and service academy minimum entrance age requirements are 17 with parental consent or 18 without parental consent

Luz: age 23

Gus: age 19

Amity: Age 23

Hunter: Age 25

Eda: age 41

Lilith: age 39