𝗗𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗠𝗖𝗔𝗧𝗖𝗛𝗘𝗥𝗦

XXXII.

𝘉𝘌𝘓 𝘈𝘐𝘙, 𝘊𝘈𝘓𝘐𝘍𝘖𝘙𝘕𝘐𝘈
𝗦𝗘𝗣𝗧𝗘𝗠𝗕𝗘𝗥 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟱

DAWNASIA "DAWNIE" GOODE
𝘋𝘙𝘌𝘈𝘔𝘊𝘈𝘛𝘊𝘏𝘌𝘙𝘚

I just wanna go far away, somewhere like overseas
I been seein' bad in my dreams, demons, I'm battling
Demons attackin' me, but I still keep my head high
Oh, I

"Far Away" by Bway Yungy blared throughout the home gym as Dawnie practiced drills by herself. She ran up and down, darting all around the court like she was actually playing with people. She had no choice but to play by herself and imagine since she was on a very long punishment.

It'd been a week since the night shit went down and she been in a fucked up head space since then. Shit was all cool and good until it wasn't and she hated that shit happened how it did. She wished things could've played differently but this was life and unfortunately it wasn't any do overs so she had no choice but to wallow in the consequences of her actions.

Damn Dawnie done fucked up once again.

She had enough time to sit and realize how bad she fucked up and how much of a problem she actually was. She saw that her actions that lead up to this point in her life was all because she got too big headed like everyone was telling her and grew a resentment for herself. 

She hated how naturally of a fuck up she was and just wished to evaporate because she was embarrassed to even be in her own body at the moment. Nobody was fucking with her like they normally did and nobody was on her side for the first time ever. She was finally realizing what everybody was saying about her was true and nobody was in fact just picking on her for no reason.

She was taking full accountability for what she did and tried thinking of ways to right her wrongs but tuh, nothing she does could reverse the shit she did and possibly caused. The guilt that sat with her ate her alive and she didn't know how long she could force herself to get through this feeling.

She was even more upset with herself for fucking up her relationship with the only person who literally fell out with motherfuckers he loved defending her. She hated herself for breaking his trust and leaving him looking like a fool in the end like she promised not to.

She hated everything about herself for getting herself into this situation. She didn't even care that she was possibly gonna die for what she did. At that point, she was about to prepare for the shit. Life was complete shit for her right now.

She missed her friends, she missed her freedom and most of all, she missed her family. She couldn't forgive herself for doing this to herself.

Head on top that water like a float
So many times they let me down, won't hold me down 'cause I don't know
I don't know why my heart so slow

Dawnie tossed the ball through her legs staring up at the rim, with tears streaming down her face. She didn't want to cry but she had to cry. She had to let the emotions out in order to make herself feel better about the situation. Crying her emotions out will help her cope with it all.

She sniffed shooting the ball, missing the shot. She lowered her head crying a little as she walked towards the rolling ball. Playing ball couldn't even help her free her mind from the mistake. This was something she had to sit through and feel every corner, crack, and detail of.