𝑆𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝐷𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑆𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐷𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ

𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 23

"Hey, Nevie. Where are you going ?" asked mom as I descended the stairs. "I have class today. I've already missed so much , and I have too many assignments to catch up on."
"Oh. I was just - Never mind. Smoothie?"
"Sure. Make that double," I took a seat at the kitchen island. "Is everything alright. Have you been getting enough sleep?"
"Yes." Liar. But I wasn't about to admit that I hadn't been able to sleep a wink since we returned. At least most nights.

"Where's dad? I wanted to ask if he would take me with for training?" I asked as I finished my bowl of fruits. "Really? Well, your father is attending a meeting. But I can take you with me after your classes," mom exclaimed as she dished me up some toast with bacon and eggs. "I would love that."

Mom dropped me off on campus and promised to pick me up after class. Nezi had asked me to collect some of the reading material she needed for her course, so I made a mental note to go to the library during lunch. "Novalie? I didn't think you would still be here," I said, surprised when I found her beside my locker.
"Oh yeah. Aunt Ave thought it best if I stuck around a bit before fully going to base. I can see why," she replied as confirming a theory. "I didn't think you would be back so soon. Did you manage to sort everything out? "

I had not really spoken about anything that happened with anyone at all. Taimi had tired of talking to me about my experience, leaving me with a message.

What you went through can leave a mark on you, but if it changes how you feel, it may not have been the past that changed, but your heart accepting what it already knew.

"Uhm, I should get to class. I've already missed so many assignments. Wouldn't want to 'cause trouble on my first day back,' I waved goodbye as I hurried off to my BIO-PHYS.

Sitting through class, I tried to focus on whatever the professor was saying, but my head could not remain focused on anything. Well, anything other than him. It's probably the only thing it seemed to be capable of doing these days.

"Miss Arćon. If you are not too busy daydreaming, I would love it if you came up to answer the equation on the board!" shouted Prof. Xylem. "I'm good. Thank you."
"Well, maybe I was not clear enough. I was not asking," he commanded, holding out the chalk, " We do not have all day, Miss Arćon."

I hesitantly made my way down the space between the stools of class, trying to keep my cool. Taking the chalk in hand, I began to solve the equation when I felt my breath start to quicken. Trying to ignore the abnormal breathing, I continued writing until my hand began shaking - unable to proceed. "Excuse me," I ran out of class embarrassed.

I locked myself in the closest bathroom, and lucky me, all the bathroom stalls were empty. Locking the door, I paced around the bathroom. My hands were shaking uncontrollably, and no matter how hard i tried, I could not manage to control my breathing. I sank to the floor as I could feel myself spiralling in my head. And somehow, I managed to find his voice. "Breathe Chionáti, breathe. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing."

I do not know how to explain it, but it was as if his voice alone was able to help calm my nerves and stop my thoughts from taking over my senses. I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of his voice, which was soothing if my heart rate going back to normal was anything to go by.

"Excuse me," I said as I ran off, going to the one place I could think of. I just need to catch a breath. Surely, it was just a mistake, probably from the lack of sleep.
"Eira?" I heard someone stepping closer to me. "Go away."
"No. I know you felt it, too."
"I felt and feel nothing," I replied. "Really? Then why will you not turn around?" he taunted," Turn around Eira."

What if Taimi was right, and I was beginning to accept what my heart knew all along? No, that's ridiculous. I have been watching way too many TV shows.