#Taejin - In My Silence

Chapter 9: The Rubber & The Metal Ball

The hardship in life would shape human beings into three different kinds of balls: a glass ball, a metal ball, and a rubber ball. The rubber ball was the most ideal form, since the person who managed to be one of these was strong from the inside, yet adaptive enough to face hardship from the outside, just like the rubber, hence the name. This would be Kim Seokjin.

Yes, he was born with a silver spoon, but that didn't mean his life was easy. His parents divorced when he was a teenager, after years of making their home like a battlefield.

Having a dominant father and a dominant mother under the same roof didn't fit really well. Both were too strong-headed to be more lenient with each other. Everything became a competition and they both always had to be the winner.

Despite the years of tension, fights, rages, and meltdowns that Seokjin used to face when he grew up, he chose to be strong and live well. He chose to be kind. He chose to be happy. He chose to! The way you live your life was truly your own choice after all!

And then, there was the second one: the glass ball. These kinds of people tend to crumble inside, having intrusive thoughts, and blaming or hurting themselves instead of others.

Meanwhile, the third one was the metal ball. These people became so strong inside but instead of blaming themselves, they blamed their surroundings and would likely destroy many things around them. This ball would be a representation of Kim Taehyung.

Born unwanted from a material girl who only wanted to have fun, the little Taetae grew up with a lack of parental love and parental figures. His mother only knew how to spend money and his father only knew how to earn money. None of them knew how to raise a child or at least made a little effort to decently raise a child.

Having never learned of how a good and balanced relationship was, plus mental abuse during his childhood, Taehyung grew up cold, harsh, and distant. He put the brain over the heart. He never over-analyzed his feelings, never did so-called self-reflection to recognize his true self, or thought hard about what was happening internally. Up until now.

As the week passed by with Seokjin having blind dates with different women every lunchtime, Taehyung withdrew himself to his safe shell and closed the doors on everyone. Making as few interactions as possible, speaking as little as he deems necessary. He added his working hours and asked his Chief Department to assign him with more patients, shifts, or surgeries.

The gossip about Seokjin going on blind dates somehow reached his ears, it was rare occasions afterall. The fact that he always met the women in the nearby cafe across the street made these dates not so secret as well, since many of their colleagues obviously eat at the same place.

Taehyung didn't want to hear about Ethan or any of those dates. Didn't want to hear how beautiful the women were, how compatible they were with each other, or how sweet Seokjin treated them...

How many days had it been since he saw Seokjin? They used to meet every day, but now Seokjin didn't even try to reach him first. The gossip was a constant reminder to him, making the hurt and the sadness linger.

If there were a way to un-feel these feelings... He wished to be numb... He didn't want to feel anything at all... He didn't want to care... But the more he tried to cast away the feelings, the heavier he felt about everything inside. He had never been aware of his true feelings towards Seokjin. He had never thought of him as anything more than just a best friend or a hyung. But what were all these feelings then? He has been questioning himself a lot lately.

Working was obviously a better escape than drowning himself in alcohol, hoping that the distraction would keep his mind away from Seokjin. But the more sober he was, the more painful he felt.

He had been working like crazy this past week, studying the patient's medical history and devising a detailed plan of action to tackle the particular challenges and complications in her. He planned everything, from all the necessary tests and check-ups that the patient had to go through before going under the knife, making the estimation dates for each of the consecutive surgeries, arranging the long list of all the involved surgeons, and so on.

After all those tiresome brainstorming and laborious work, he thought he deserved to have light drinks in a bar tonight. So there he went, hoping to have some relief and rest from his stressful day and weary mind.

But who knew....

As he entered, the blinding lights, the loud music, and the familiar ambiance that used to be invigorating, now created a whole inverse effect on him. He tried to adjust. Maybe after a few drinks, he would feel better. So he drank several shots, then went to the dance floor.

He danced, but his heart had no more rhythm. And he made out with a pretty woman, but it was cold and passionless.

The light was too bright, his eyes were watery. The music was too noisy, his ears hurt. The atmosphere was too rowdy, he got a severe headache. The girl was too vulgar and her perfume stank. Nothing pleased him here anymore. No, this was not what he wanted.

He wanted a serene and calming place with a comfortable coach.... He wanted only a simple can of cola and the fresh smell of that specific shampoo belonged to someone... He wanted to hear a couple arguing about stupid things in whatever romantic drama on TV that night...

His heart screamed for wanting it all...

So he dragged himself out of there and planned to go home instead.

On the door, though, he ran into someone. An old acquaintance who immediately recognized him. "Kim Taehyung?"

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NOTE:

So, what type of ball are you?

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