Shorter days, Longer nights

Chapter 25 || Radiated happiness

My cheeks flushed pink, my face hot enough to boil an egg. I looked down in ecstasy, hoping that the floor would swallow me whole. 

"I'll uh.. I'll let you finish up?" Jaycee stood up, I could feel her eyes on me. I nodded, too embarrassed to meet eyes with her. I waited for the door to click close to release the breath I didn't realise I had been holding.

 Through my embarrassment, fear of scaring her off washed over me.

Maybe it was all just in my head. Maybe she was calm because she didn't feel anything. It was more likely anyway.  I let my head sink into my lap, embracing what I had just done for myself. First I humiliated myself in class and now this.

Jaycee had helped me pack my clothes for the most part, folding them a lot neater than I could've even if I tried. I kept at least a week's worth of shirts and trousers in my bag. Unfortunately, removing most of my clothes from the pile left more... private clothes visible. And despite most of my underclothing being in my drawers, some days I threw them straight into my closet thinking I'd remove them the next day, which obviously I didn't.

So of course, Jaycee ended up grabbing one of them before I had the chance to notice their presence which led us to the current moment. After a few more moments of earned whining, I decided to save myself from embarrassment and quickly packed up the remaining things I needed, along with some comfy socks. 

Now all that was left was to grab the remaining things I thought I would need. There wasn't much there. No secret dairies. No medals. No sketchbooks or table tennis rackets. Nothing like that. Hell, I didn't even have posters. I was likely the most boring person I had ever met. But the two things I couldn't live without, I had to pack. 

I sat on the edge of my bed, letting myself prepare mentally. After a minute or two, I finally had the courage to open the drawer in my side table. It hung lowly as I brought it out till its end. I gripped the frame, bringing it in front of me. It was a photo from when I was about twelve, only a few months before the accident.

I stood next to a young Spencer, his baseball bat in one hand while his gloved one wrapped around my shoulder. Mum and Dad stood behind us, each of their hands on our shoulders, a proud smile plastered on their faces. The photo radiated happiness. Something I hadn't truly felt since then. I placed the photo downward to my side before my tears threatened to break free. My lips already whimpering. 

The other thing in my drawer was a wristwatch. It had black leather straps and a round golden case and crown. I hadn't seen this watch in years and I didn't think I had it in me to do so even now. I squeezed my eyes shut, holding the watch carefully yet tightly in my hands. I had to force this feeling back. I couldn't let it break me now. Not after everything. My fingers roughly pressed against my eyes till I could see those stary shapes as if that would help anything. 

I quickly stood to my feet before rushing to my bag, both the items in my hands. I carefully placed them in the side pockets, making sure to keep them safe from the rest of the mess. My hands shook as I zipped the bag, one pocket after another, going as fast as I humanly could. My heart sank further and further in my chest with each passing moment, a raw feeling forming in my throat.

I could already feel a headache coming on, one that would last for the remaining day. With the closing of the last zip, my vision began to blur, a haze forming in front of my eyes. My fingers pressed tightly against the zip, squeezing it hard enough to leave a red mark and only loosening when I noticed. I backed away from the bag, willing my mind to stop.

A sharp pain shot through my mouth, but this time I knew what it was. I had to distract myself, one way or another. I couldn't hurt someone again. Not after what happened the last time. I pushed back against this feeling and rushed toward the door, letting it stay wide open as I walked toward the stairs. Before I knew it, I stood facing the door, unsure of what had happened. A reminiscence of wind lingering against my skin.

Whatever had just happened, I could feel the racing of my heart calming in my chest, my vision clear as day, and my mouth pain-free, as I stood distracted by the dark brown door in front of me. It was slightly unusual but I was grateful either way. Maybe it was what Jaycee and Eva had done earlier, to get into my room. I took a second to recall if I knew what it was called. Superspeed. My lips shaped out, going back to the night she held me in her arms. 

The sound of something hitting a surface caught my attention. I turned to my left, toward the source of the noise.

"Uhh... hi?" I questioned, glaring at the two women standing in front of me. They both stopped in their tracks, looking toward me. Jaycee's hands gripped my coffee machine while Eva's hands gripped a jug half filled with water near the machine, slightly leaning as if she was about to pour it in. 

"Hi," Eva grinned, before placing the jug down and coming to stand in front of me. Both her hands squeezed my shoulders. "How are you," she grinned more.

"I think we broke your coffee machine," Jaycee said from behind in a neutral tone, still standing in her place. My eyes connected with hers, making all the embarrassment from before rush back to me. Yet her gaze remained neutral as if silently agreeing to dismiss what had happened before.

"Uhh," I let out under my breath.

"Ready to go home?" Eva continued.

"There's some cold coffee in the fridge," I pointed loosely toward the fridge, with my whole hand.

"Alright never mind, home can wait!" Eva broke herself away from me, her voice determined as she partly hopped her way to the fridge, leaving me behind to stare at her in pure confusion. 

"Sorry," Jaycee drew my attention to herself, her hands retracting from the machine at last as her shoulders shrugged