The funhouse of murder • Stray Kids X reader

97 ☠️

First two hours; Chan

Sleeping was hard with a light constantly flickering right besides you. Though the other side of the zone seemed soundproof, the lightning made it clear that place wasn't exactly safe either. At one point it almost seemed as if a flying tree would break through the forcefield, but it surprisingly held up just fine. Whereas the first part only had it rough at one point, this time it seemed to be gradually getting worse the further we'd get. I was just glad I didn't have to experience all the fuss on the other side right now, and what seemed like get some peaceful rest now. For as long as that peaceful part lasted anyways. Or rest, if I wouldn't be able to go sleep soon.

"You know, for someone supposedly asleep, you sure breathe heavy," Chan whispered, seated up straight next to me. Pretending wouldn't help if he already knew, that would just make me look like a bitch, ignoring after he just saved my life. "I wish I could, but I guess it's a little hard when you can literally die every second," I muttered back, already mentally slapping myself. "Sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out so harsh," I added right after, already feeling guilt wash over me. I still didn't know how to act or feel around him. Surely I was still mad at him. A deep hatred doesn't just go away as easy as that. And yet, now matter how much I hated it, I needed to be on the same side as him right now.

Chan shook his head, leaning his head back to look up at the moon. "You have every right to still be mad at me. I mean, I unknowingly ruined your only chance out of a shitty life. I'd be mad at myself too." He paused for a second, like he was debating on what to say. "Maybe that's why I just can't seem to leave your side. I feel like I have to make it right somehow. Because can call me crazy if I'm wrong, but you don't seem like you want to get out of this world anymore, but rather like you've found yourself a way out of trouble while staying here." I just hummed, not sure how to answer. I couldn't tell him what, but he wasn't wrong.

"I still feel like I'm doing a horrible job at it, though," he chuckled to himself. Even though he didn't seem to let it show, he must have heard all of the criticism on the way he had been acting at times. "You're trying. Shouldn't that be what matters?" I asked him, even if it wasn't always the way I thought either. "Trying is nice, but that doesn't always mean you make things better. Sometimes, you try to help someone out and instead you ruin their life. Or so I've learned. So I know that trying matters, but it's not always good enough. I guess in this case, me trying just isn't good enough yet. I get it, but it hurts, you know? Feeling like you just want to help everyone, and yet being able to save no one in the end."

Was I actually starting to feel bad? Was my conscious getting to me? "Maybe it doesn't always help, you're right at that, but if you ask me, it's what makes you dependable. No matter what happens, whether it's right or wrong, you never stop trying to make things right. I think that's more dependable than someone who doesn't make mistakes, you know." I turned around, facing away from him, still with my eyes closed as I laid on my right side now. Having this conversation with him while actually looking at him would have been impossible. Looking at him still made me feel uneasy, but hearing his voice, especially the self-hatred in it, was what was getting to me. He was just human too, I had to remind myself of.

Chan simply hummed, not going into it any further. I was sure he had a thousand things running through his mind right now, and I wasn't going to keep him from figuring those out. It wasn't like we were close enough to talk to each other about our troubles, and I still truly had mixed feelings about him. All I could do now was give him some encouraging words, and just hope he'd take it to heart. We by far weren't there yet, but it was a start for us. A better one than we'd gotten our first time. Maybe by the end of this, we'd be civil enough to give each other a nod and a smile when we saw each other on the other side of the road.

I wiggled around in the sleeping bag, trying to find a more comfortable position to sleep in. I wouldn't have long anymore before it was Hyunjin and my turn, but any rest would we welcome. I think these games were slowly but surely wearing me out. I was used to little sleep, but usually just laid in bed at home, when I wasn't sitting behind a desk in school. Just when I was drifting off, Chan's voice sharpened my mind once again. "Hey, Hyunjin, your guy's turn," Chan called out to him, who was already sitting up now. "Don't worry about waking her, I'll take care of that. You go sleep," he told Chan, who gladly accepted. He'd also been looking more and more exhausted these past few days. Everyone had been.

"Hey, Hyun..." Chan called out, already settling in himself. "Just wanted to make sure, but if anything happens, if there's a fight, or... whatever really, I can count on you right?" Hyunjin cracked a smile, nodding. "No worries man. I'll stay by your side."