Lost Without You

Chapter 32

 The next morning... (Hailey's POV)

After breakfast, I quickly cleaned up the kitchen. Kim had came to pick up Kinsley to take her to school. Jay was standing in front of the sink, filling up the dishwasher. I turned to the clock, I still had around 2 hours before I needed to be at work. It was dead silent, I still didn't know what to say after last night.

But finally, he spoke up in a concerned voice: "Hails, we need to talk"

Setting down the damp washcloth, I turned to face him. My gaze instinctively dropped to the floor, avoiding the intensity of his eyes, but I could feel a warm hand resting on my shoulder. I was still in pajamas- tank top and short.

Jay: "Hails, you need help"

I shook my head, not wanting to talk about it: "Jay, I-"

Jay: "The stress is not good for you Hails and the trauma is getting to you Hails"

"Jay! I got through it, I went to therapy a few time after the whole case. I'm fine"

His eyes saddened as he gently pleaded: "Hails please. You are not okay"

I stood there for a minute before walking to our bedroom. I closed the door behind me and just crawled into bed. I stared at the wall, just thinking over and over again about last night. I lost my baby, but I didn't. Why was my dad laughing? Then, my mind went racing back to when I was kidnapped. I buried my face into the pillow. I didn't feel any pain when I got shot, all I could think about was Jay.

30 minutes later, I could hear Jay's footsteps approaching the bedroom, and he gently knocked on the door before entering. He sat down beside me on the bed, rubbing my back.

I sighed and turned to face him, my eyes swollen from the tears that had already fallen. I moved my arm to intertwine our fingers. Jay's lips parted as if he wanted to say something, but he remained silent. He moves the strands of hair out of my face, his fingers delicately tucking them behind my ear. 

He wipes away my tears and spoke softly: "We're going to get through this Hails, but I can't help you. You need to get help"

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a card: "Here, you can decide what you want to do with this"

I looked at the card, the name "Dr. Bennett" printed on it. When I looked back up at him, our eyes met. As he leans toward me, he pressed a kiss to my forehead before leaving the room.

He glanced back before leaving: "I love you, Hails."

I sighed, turning to the clock, it was time to go to work. I got up and left for work.

8 hours has passed at work

The day was almost over, with just paperwork to wrap up. Kim rolled her chair over to me, her grin widening.

Kim whispered excitedly: "Hails, we need to do a baby shower"

I slightly rolled my eyes: "Really? Why do I need a baby shower?"

Kim: "Because! It would be fun! We're celebrating you and your baby!"

"Okay, you got me there. But I don't want anything too big or extravagant"

Kim's face brighten, bouncing from her chair: "Okay! I'll keep it simple and sweet, I promise"

As we finished up our paperwork, Kim couldn't help but ask: "When will you share the baby's gender? I'm dying over here!"

Vanessa looked from behind her computer: "Me too!"

I laughed, leaning back into my chair: "Not right now, Jay and I decided we want to wait"

Kim let out a dramatic sigh before smiling: "Okay, fine. I guess I will wait too"

I began to pack my backpack before putting my coat on. I walked out, waving goodbye to everyone. Atwater leans over to give me a fist bump.

I got into my car, pulling out my phone. I opened up the app and searched for the address. I leaned back in my seat, letting out a long sigh. I been dreading this all day. Therapy. I couldn't let Jay keep begging for me to go to therapy. Kim too. I know I couldn't put this off.

I drove to the building, dreading each step that took me to the waiting room. My heart began to race and my palms grew clammy. The waiting room was quiet, with only a few people sitting in the chairs, lost in their own thoughts.

Finally, my name was called, and I rose from my seat, my legs feeling heavy beneath me. I followed the therapist's assistant down a quiet hallway, the sound of my footsteps echoing in the silence. I walked into the room, my heart pounding like crazy.

The therapist shook my hand as she showed me to the couch: "Hi Hailey, my name is Dr. Bennett"

I settled onto the couch, my body sinking into the plush cushions. I studied the room, noticing the warm colors that filled the room. I grabbed the pillow next to me and placed it on my lap.

Dr. Bennett leans toward me from her chair with a gentle smile on her face: "Hailey, this is a safe space for you to express yourself and explore any challenges you may be facing. I'm here to listen and support you"

I took a deep breath, trying to shake off my nerves.

Dr. Bennett's eyes fixed on mine: "Hailey, can you tell me a little bit about what brings you here today?"

I hesitated for a moment, my mind racing with a million thoughts: "Uhm, I'm here because my husband, Jay and Kim wants me here. I went through trauma, but- I'm doing better"

Dr. Bennett: "That shows that they are concern about you, they care about you"

I let out a big sigh: "Yeah"

Dr. Bennett nods understandingly: "It's understandable to feel hesitant about therapy, Hailey. It takes a lot of courage to come here and share your experiences. I am glad you are here and I want you to know that I am here to support you in any ways I can"

"You mentioned that you have been through trauma. Would you be comfortable sharing a little bit more about that with me?

I feel a lump form in my throat as I try to find the right words: "It's just...something that happened a few months ago. I d-don't... want to talk about it"

Dr. Bennett nods again: "I understand. It's okay to take your time and share only what you feel comfortable with. We can work at your pace. What are your goals then?"

I thought for a moment before answering, "I want to be able to move past my trauma and not let it control my life. I want to be able to enjoy things again and not feel so anxious all the time."

Dr. Bennett smiled: "That's a good start"

An hour later

After the therapy, I drove straight home, feeling a sense of relief. As I walked in the apartment, Jay was sitting on the couch with Kinsley, reading her a book. He turns around as soon as he heard me. 

I opened my mouth to try to speak, but nothing came out. I took a deep breath: "I am sorry"

Jay sets down the book and walked toward me. He wraps his arm around me: "It's okay Hails"

"I am getting help"

He stepped back, placing his hands on my shoulders, his eyes searching mine with relief: "Really?"

I nodded, smiling: "Yeah"

Kinsley hopped off the couch and came running toward us: "I want a h-hug too!"

Jay laughed, turning toward Kinsley. He lifted her into his arms and then wrapped his other arm around me. I moved my other hand to my bump, I feel like I could breathe for the first time in awhile.