The Blue Hearted Devil Himself

i like to lie

I got involved with Fresco Loni a photographer who seems intrigued with me apart from the side job I do for his close friend Will Ivers.

I stand in the middle of the banquet surrounded by models and photographers and fashion designers. I'm in a low red low cut dress Emilianna is on Lily's hip. Mingling.

I bite my lower lip feeling out of place these people come from money and good families and if they have kids they're married.

I'm none of those things. I basically prostitute myself just to make rent.
I really wanna give Emilianna the life she deserves.

I catch Emilianna glaring with a binky struggled in her mouth as she clutches Lilys dress. Lilys talking to A director and the directors wife. Seeming infatuated with Emila Mr Aneta's walks up to Ms with his bald head gloating underneath the warm light
"Katerina you look lovely tonight."

"Thank you" I say sweetly

"you clean up nice as well." I say engaging in the small talk that goes on for more than 20 minutes.

I finally make my way out of his view and into another person Ms Windors she designs dresses for seaux I listing to her words but then I'm exhausted from having to deal with everyone. I shouldn't have came but Lily pointed out how this is a good way to get myself out there.

She's right I'm meeting tons of important people tonight but I'm just a face and body to them they don't know anything about me. I was a swimsuit model for only 4 months.

. I idolize Reyon Dex she's amazing started as an immigrant and made herself big she deserves her success. She's a millionaire with three fashion lines. I stumble into an empty room it's a library with a red coach candles lighting up just a little bit. Dark red patterned carpet that matches the hideous couch.

I sit down seeing a large figure in the window a very big man shadow "I'm sorry I didn't know anyone was in here."
"It's no big deal"
I hear his voice.

"Colten.. what are you doing here?" I ask confused with his presence. "You should meet your father."
" I don't want to" I say defiantly "I didn't need one when I was a kid I certainly don't need one now."

"Can you trust me?" He asks out of the blue

"no" i whisper I want to because it's nice having someone to count on "i cant i have a daughter this isn't just me i need to protect her and you aren't protection." I stammer  "yeah you make me feel good occacially you use to make me feel like crap all the time you let him break my leg my leg Colten for no reason." tears burn my eyes i know it wasn't his responsibility "but you should've. because you wanted to." I ramble bring up the incident on why I'll never be a runway model.

I'm short for starters but I have a limp from my leg not healing properly after it was broken forcefully pushed backwards almost every bone in my foot was broken. I've been told how beautiful I could be if my leg wasn't jacked up.

I look at the surgery scar that's typically covered with foundation. I was bruised up I felt ugly I wasn't use to that. But having scars all over me after I was nearly beaten to death over drugs or money.

"Katerina your right."
"I know I'm right." I whisper my mouth closes "you think he's worth all the drama." I say trying to change the subject. "I know he isn't but knowing what you know now you feel like you should give him the opportunity to be a dad." I say quietly and he shrugs before he shake his head. "I think you're better off without him. But that's not my decision to make it's yours." Then why should u talk to him.

I finally found the confidence to look at him.

i turn my head towards Colten "September 14th' he says Emilia's birthday i tilt my head "i already knew you had her." his eyes linger on my neck. I lift my hand up to the counter. "you were stalking me?" I whisper breathlessly he shakes his head "i was there." My lips purse in confusion. "What do you mean?"

" i was in the hospital when you gave birth only visited when you were unconscious"

"I was a mess. crying , emotional ,sticky with sweat mess.'' I flush my vivid memories and flood my head like a mini recap.

"You were all alone with a bad fever." He says with compassion. Compassion.

"Apparently I wasn't," I say , smiling with amusement but his serious tone stays the same "to your knowledge you were and I thought it was best I stay hidden. I don't think you would've wanted me there."
"I wouldn't have kept you from it." "so you saw me."
"and Emilianna" i add "i guess that whole G.I. joe approach was nonexistent" i joke realizing how much time he spent around me when i didn't even know it.

" I couldn't stay away from you, pregnant . I wasn't gonna miss you giving birth." I exhale "alright so you were stalking me?" I say his eyes lower with the smallest nod he agrees.

"because i was knocked up or you didn't think i could take care of myself?" my tone becomes a lot ruder, "a little bit of both." His impassive voice remains the same.

"your tiny" he shrugs with a smirk maybe im use to coltens height so he isn't as big anymore"too you!" i defend with amusement. "i'm averagely small to most people" he's freakishly large.

"I guess I shouldn't complain, I have a guardian angel looking out for me." "I'm far from an angel Katerina."
"the devils was once an angel" I mumble "I know but i guess you were reminding me. keeps me humble." My lips part Emila comes running through the door her little chunky legs swaying I lift her up.

Her lips sucking on a pacifier. "So you came all the way over here just to tell me my daddy's back." Coltens eyes linger on her she lays her head on my breast staring at him with those big grey eyes tiny little nose and thick dark curly hair like mine. Her round rosy cheeks match his complexion more when mine. I'm tan compared to her.

"You wanna say hi Emilia" I ask quietly she ducks her head making a small noise. "I guess that's as good as you're getting." I say to him. His lips part he stares at her. I sit down on the couch holding the back of her head.

Her eyes close she's resting I kiss her face. "You did a good job" he says "she looks nothing like me." I resort his fake compliment "I see the resemblance you do just not with me." He's lips press together.

"You sure she isn't Emilio's" he mutters sarcastically I laugh "right... now it makes sense." I whisper quietly she shifts in my arms I mover her legs so her feet are together I pull her binky out. Her plump lips take over her face. I stroke her head her tiny hands balled up. "Can I ? Please." He sounds so desperate

I nod he wants to touch her he holds her little ankle in his big hand "you can hold her If you want" I offer he doesn't reply so I'm assuming he doesn't want to. I pull off her little sock "here" he pulls out a bib from his inner pocket .

It's Emilianna's.
"You took her bib?" I giggle he shrugs admiring her little deer feet. Huis fingers touch her little toes she wiggles them "is this okay Emilianna can he touch you?"

She smiles nodding "yes mommy." I kiss her cheeks. She presses her feet into his hand.

"She wants to take ballet we watched Barbie and the 12 dancing princesses she wants to be a ballerina. " I say excitement building.

His eyes wander my face. "She'd be great at it."  I continued on "I thinking about getting another job so she can do it I want her childhood to be memorable in the opposite ways from mine."
I think my parents didn't care about each other so they probably didn't care about me either.

"Your parents are shitty." He replies like can already tell where my head is. . "They didn't deserve you."
"You say that like you know what it's like." I whisper stroking Emilia cheek.
"I didn't deserve you. I didn't even earn you."

My lips part I shrug "I wasn't the best either I think we needed each other in some way whether it was emotionally or physically." I say softly offering the way out.
"I was bad for you I know you can try and pretend like we were on equal level but the shit that I said and let happen to you speaks volumes about how much I didn't want you to think I cared about you." I guess he's saying he didn't want me to think he cared about me so he let bad things happen to me.

I thought he liked me. But no he liked the sex he dealt with me. "I get it Colten you didn't want me like I wanted you" I whisper quietly. His hands falls on my thighs I exhale as his hands stroke my leg.

And we always fall into bad habits.