P E N A L T Y | c. ѕaιnz jr.

32| Mend

S. Sainz

The silence was so loud.

Carlos' eyes were enough to tell me that he was torn. Still, it was almost like the walls crumbled around us and we were left to stare at each other with emotion of everything we'd been through.

He sunk to his knees, tears dropping from his eyes as he said,

"Siempre te quiero, incluso cuando estoy enfadado contigo...sigues viviendo en mis pensamientos y te quiero"
I always want you, even when I'm angry with you...you still live in my thoughts and I want you.

"Mi corazón es tuyo"
My heart is yours.

"Mi corazón late por ti."
My heart beats for you.

"Eres el amor de mi vida."
You're the love of my life.

"Llenas un lugar en mi corazón que nunca podrá ser ocupado por nadie más."
You fill a place in my heart that can never be filled by anyone else.

I joined him on the floor and gestured for him to sit with me and I said, "You don't need to kneel, Carlos. You and I are equals, here, sit next to me. Talk to me." He shook his head and apologised, "I'm sorry." 

"I didn't, I was so angry at you, I was so angry because I didn't think you would do that to me," he confessed, "I always thought that nothing you could say or do would drive me away, but that, that was different. I know it wasn't fair for me to be angry but I couldn't help it, I thought I'd done enough for you to trust me. But I know your hand was forced before anything even developed between us."

"No, It's my fault too. I've spent way too long of my life running away from battles I should face. It's hard for me to accept that someone like you could love me but I should never hurt you just because I couldn't accept it, but now I...I realise that I am more than what Luka or Mr. Beaumont made of me and you...," I said as I leaned closer to Carlos, "You showed me that, you loved me even when you knew everything about me."

"Of course I do, Sal, I love you for all the parts. Good and bad. And if you find that you can't sleep at night because your past haunts you...I'll make sure to be there for you and it doesn't matter if I don't get any sleep either," he said as he cupped my face gently, letting me lean into his touch as he wiped away my tears with his thumb, "It's not the same for me when you don't cheer for me. Somewhere along the way, I just always knew I would see you cheering on at the paddock. But when you weren't and you were cheering for someone else. It broke something in me." 

"The quest for the championship became so futile when I realised it wasn't worth it if you weren't by my side," he said as he cradled me in his arms, a warmth that, I hadn't felt for a while. A large contrast to the coldness of his demeanour when I upset him. "I want to win not just for me, I want to win for you...for us...for our future," Carlos said his hand resting on my stomach. "I don't want to just win in Formula 1, I want to win in life and no matter what's happening, I know I've won because I have you." 

Still, I felt guilty. The guilt continued to gnaw in my heart. 

"I never meant to hurt you," I whispered, my voice barely audible. "Luka threatened to ruin me, and the only way out was to agree to the marriage and get money from the divorce settlement, I didn't want him anywhere near my father's business. I thought I could keep it hidden, spare you from the pain."

His eyes softened, and he let me fall into his embrace further. "Salomé, you should have trusted me enough to share your burdens. We're a team, remember?"

A tear rolled down my cheek, my tears flowing again as the guilt thrummed in my heart despute his reassurances, as the weight of my secrets lifted, and I nodded. "I know, Carlos. I was so stupid to think I could handle it all on my own."