Trigger - Part 1

CHAPTER 30 - Why Is Everything So Complicated

2:44
I roll on my back staring at the ceiling.
The fabric of the duvet, lying soft against my skin.

At least your bedding is better than Liam's.

My eyes feel heavy. The camomile tea I had earlier not making a difference.

I turn on my side and see an exam pad on my dresser.

Mmm.

I shove the duvet down and get up. I grab the sweater from the chair and put it on. I pull the chair out and take a seat while fixing the exam pad in front of me. I open the left drawer and grab the pencil.

'Dear Diary...'

Dear diary? What are you ten?

'Dear....'

....Me! Okay.....

'Dear me. You are so stupid!'

I crunch the paper under my hand and rip it out, throwing it to the floor.

'Dear me... what are you doing? You should cut all ties with Liam. He is definitely not good for you. You know this. So why can't you just stop thinking about him. About that night...'

That Night...

I take a deep breath in closing my eyes and seeing his eyes.

Those eyes....

I open my eyes.

'You can never ever let him go that far again. You are so lucky his cell rang because if it didn't... Yes, deep down you want to know how it would have felt like. His body against yours, the taste of his lips. The feeling of him breathing heavily on you.'

Damn.

'What if just once? Maybe just one time and then that is it... you will always wonder and it will eat at you. No attachments. Just one time, quick and easy...'

Mmm.
That can work.
I am sure he would agree.

What!? No! This Is crazy!
What about him being a real jerk, or rude? Or what Emma said. Or...

...Or, Shane...

I take another deep breath hearing his name in my mind. For a short while I forgot the empty feeling Shane left in me.

He is not worth your thoughts, Sage. What he did is unforgivable. Yes... you miss him so much but he killed him. He even said so.

I slowly shake my head side to side feeling emotional.

'As much as you love Shane and trying to fill that void he left. He is in the past. And so is Nikolai...'

Nikolai! How could I forget?

I get up and walk towards my bed and grab my phone while sitting on my bed.

"Hey Luke, can you talk?"
"Sure, Not like I was sleeping, what's up?"

"I'm sorry! I completely forgot to ask how the case is going with Sarah? Any news?"
"Mmm, your brain is too full of you know who, I'd say. Not much. Still not a hundred percent sure why Ivankov would take her if he has."

"What made you guys think that he might have taken her?"
"As much as I love talking to you, I am not going to be sharing work stuff."

"Ag, come on Luke. I might be able to help."
"When you tell Liam the truth, then maybe."

"Oh."
"Oh Yes. Thought I forgot?"

"No. I will tell him. I just need more time.
"Ahem. How much more time do you need?"