Trigger - Part 1

CHAPTER 12 - I Won't Lose You Again

"It's not okay, I've hurt you!"

"Yes you have, but I love you enough to forgive you. I should have paid more attention to you and what you want."

"Devan..."

"It will take time, but we can get through this... Sage... you have no idea how much I love you... just promise me that this will never happen again... "
"Devan I-"

I pour myself another drink and down it... hearing Devan and Sage makes me clench my teeth.

This is ridiculous...

I walk towards the lounge and look down the hall towards my bedroom.
I see her in his arms as their lips melt together. I turn away, feeling something inside me drop.

Trying to cut it off I close my eyes at the sound of her voice: "Never again."

•
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•

"Shane?"
I lift my head and look towards the door seeing Tammy standing there.

"Yeah?" I sit up, squeezing my eyes together.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to wake you but can I talk to you quickly?" I take my watch and place it back on the nightstand.

01:38

"Sure..." I position myself against the wall, lifting my arm behind my head.
I watch her close the door and walk in as she sits on the edge of the bed right next to me. Her light blond hair nearly wrapped in a ponytail I put together she hasn't gone to bed yet.

"You and Sage?"
"What about us?"
"I saw the way you looked at her, Shane. You can't hide this from me..."

I take a deep breath seeing her eyes reflect the outside light.
"There is nothing between us."
I move my arm but freeze, feeling her hand on my leg.

Don't do it...

Her eyes pierces through mine as she moves her hand up towards my chest.

Come- on man! Don't!

"Tammy, this isn't a good time."

I watch her get up, reaching behind her. The sound of her zip sends a chill running down my spine.

"Tammy..." I get up.

Damn-it Shane, get out!

Unable to control my body, all I can do is stand there and watch her as the dress slides down her body.

Fuck...

Something takes over me as I grab her and pull her into me; my fingers wrap around her hair as I fill her mouth. Without thought I rip her bra from her chest while walking her against the wall; I push her up and feel her legs wrap around me tightly. Impatient, I lower my pants and move her underwear to the side.

Her breathing short and fast against my shoulder.

Guilt starts filling inside me as I look at Tammy. Not wanting to acknowledge it I close my eyes trying to concentrate on nothing but the feeling of pleasure surrounding me. My breathing rapid while it builds inside, all I can see is her face.

"Shane." Tammy's voice brings me to a stop. I look at her and see something is off.

"Stop... Just stop..."

I lower her to the floor and rest my hand against the wall above her.

"I know you feel something for her..."

Unable to look Tammy in the eyes, I sigh.
"How did you know?"

I feel her hand press against my face softly.
"Because I know you Shane. We have been doing this for a while and tonight you didn't see me... You saw her..."

I drop my head towards her shoulder feeling my emotions building. Her soft hand wraps around the back of my neck.

"It doesn't matter how I feel about her."

"Of course it matters Shane!"
I feel her hand pull my face up searching for my eyes.
"Look at me and listen, stop being so stubborn and go get her."

I wrap my hands around hers in the attempt to push them away.

"We literally were busy having sex and now you are pushing me to go get another girl."

"Not just any girl. Shane my love, you will always be special to me but she has your heart."

I sigh admiring Tammy's strength and kindness.

"She might have my heart but her heart doesn't belong to me."

"Because of Devan and Nikolai?"
Hearing those names feels like hot iron being melted in my ears.

"Where her heart belongs isn't your choice to make..."

Realizing Tammy is speaking the truth I stand up and walk towards the bed.

"Shane... "

I stop and look at Tammy gathering her clothes.

"Stop torturing yourself like this and go get her before it's too late and you end up regretting it for the rest of your life."

•
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•

Her beauty steals my breath seeing her fast asleep.

Maybe don't wake her.

I turn around and walk towards the door.

"Shane?"

Hearing her say my name numbs this anxious feeling forming inside me.
I turn around and see her eyes still dreamy.

"Hey, I didn't mean to wake you... I'll come back tomorrow." I whisper.
"Wait, don't leave." her eyes seem more alert as she pushes herself up.
Her hand taps on the bed and I obey her gesture.

"Shane-"
"-Sage wait... I know what I said earlier hurt you. I am so sorry, I never want to hurt you again."
Her face blank I can't quite pin what she is thinking.

"Shane, I understand why you said it... But I-"
"-let me finish."
Her eyebrows arch and a small frown appears.

"If I don't say this now I am scared I never will..."

I take a deep breath and exhale slowly.
"Sage, the day I met you was the day I fell for you hard. You were perfect in every way possible. So I spent weeks preparing myself to ask you out and the day I was ready Devan ended up beating me to it. I don't blame him because he didn't know. No one knew... Yes you're my brother's girl and I have fought against it for so many years. But I realized that who you want to love is not my choice and I won't try to take that from you again... Sage-"

I move closer and see her eyes fill with tears. I rub my thumb against her cheek and bask in the feeling of her soft skin.
"I lost you once, I won't lose you again..."