Trigger - Part 1

CHAPTER 1 - Try A little Harder

"During last week's session; I recall you remembered the rain on the windshield. Is there anything else you can remember regarding that?" She asks in a firm voice as she straightens her legs out in front of her.

Remember? Oh how I wish it could be as effortless for me as it is for you...

The light flooding in from the skylight highlights the red tinge of her neatly brushed hair in a loose bun.

"I need to go to the bathroom." I say quickly as I stand up and make my way to the door. Before she had a chance to say a word I open the door and enter the passage. Instead of going left I turn right.

I enter the room I was given and make my way to the long mirror bolted against the wall next to a small window.

Standing in front of the mirror I see a woman, I know it's me but nothing about her looks familiar. I examine myself carefully, my long black hair that reaches the lower part of my back. My skin looks like it hasn't been kissed by the sun in ages. My body is small but everything seems to be in proportion.

I stare into my deep gray eyes as I look for my soul.

The eyes are the window to the soul.

For some reason the woman I remember as mom always used to say that. I don't quite understand why I seem to have memories of such trivial things.

A sudden knock jolts me towards the mirror. I spin around and dive onto the bed.

"C-come in!" I yell in a squeaky voice.

"Here you are."

"Here I am!" I quickly repeat Shane in a playful tone.

"Sage, you can't keep running away from Dr. Spencer." He says as he closes the door behind him.

He starts walking towards me and pulls out the chair that's in front of the dresser. He sits down and hunches over while his hands rest on his knees. He stares at me with his piercing green eyes and sighs.

"You know," he says as he leans back and rubs his hand over his short dark brown hair and down the back of his neck. "Maybe if you try a little harder you will be able to remember."

Sitting with my legs crossed I look down at my wrist. I rub fancy cursive writing, 'when it rains it pours'.

I wish you could feel the pain I feel every time I have to sit and think back on that horrific night.

"Sage, are you not going to talk to me?" Shane leans forward in the chair as he speaks.

"It has been six months Shane! I barely recognize myself and now you want me to try a little harder... Shane, my memories are gone, I have no idea who he is. I have no idea if he even is involved in this case. Yet you keep me here on the basis of hope and that he is dangerous. I am trapped in here knowing I am alive, while the people I am supposed to know as my family think I am dead including this man!" I snap, waving my hand towards the window.

I get up and make my way to the closet. I start grabbing my clothes and throw them onto the floor. Barely able to see what I am doing as tears fill my eyes.

"I want to leave!"

Feeling Shane's hands on my shoulders pulling me closer to him, sends a small shiver down my spine.

"Shh" He comforts. Feeling the warmth from his body against my back, I close my eyes and for a moment I allow myself to bask in it.

"I want to leave Shane, I can't keep doing this, and I can't keep living like this." I speak in a tone so low I can barely hear myself. Shane turns me around and looks deep into my eyes.

"He thinks I am dead, let me go far away and start over. I want to live a normal life and when I remember something I'll tell you. But being kept like a caged animal constantly going through therapy and tests is not a life." I say feeling his hands wrapping around my arms firmly.

"Okay, I'll talk to them and make arrangements." He answers as he lets out a sigh. Before I can utter a word Shane walks off and shuts the door behind him.

Them?
Arrangement?

Damn it Shane! I need to get out of this place. All I ever see is Dr. Spencer and you.

My legs feeling weak, I sit on the carpet. Unable to keep my head up I decide to lie down right where I am.

I only have bits and pieces of vague memories stuck in my head. None of them useful to Shane and Dr. Spencer.

I start drifting in thought and try to piece together some of the information Shane gave me.

Nikolai Ivankov, my so-called boyfriend.

Surely I should remember something, feel something?

Shane's words start to echo through my mind.

Try a little harder...