Shattered Pieces

Redeemer

TW SELF HARM ANOREXIA SUICIDE ATTEMPT PANIC ATTACK 

It was now winter break, me and Hunter were still boyfriend and girlfriend. But now Hunter and his family are in Main to visit family. I really miss him. 

Dad and my uncles were busy a lot lately, working on their newest music video and finishing all the recording for the new album that was going to be released in a few months. 

Sebastain has moved in with Larisa but is around a lot almost every day, but it still isn't the same. 

Shy and Larisa were also gone, visiting family so I was home alone a lot. Dad every day does ask me to come along with them either to the set or recording studio, but I know I would only be in the way.

They are gone almost all day, from seven to eleven and when Dad and Emerson get home, they almost instantly fall asleep. 

So, when I woke up today feel more depressed than usual and no one was home, it wasn't helping. For the past week I haven't eaten anything except an apple, so I feel very faint and when stand my vision blacks out sometimes for minutes at a time and makes me dizzy. My legs look like Wolverine attacked them multiple times and are always bleeding nowadays. 

I got up and did my usual routine of cleaning whatever mess that was created yesterday, "forgetting" about breakfast, and watching a movie. 

Halfway through the movie though the voice came back again. 

kill yourself.

I have become accustomed to the voice by now but still I have never had it tell me to kill myself. But the more I think about it the better it sounds. 

No I am not going to kill myself.

I tell the voice in my head, no matter how much I may want to the thought of what it would do to my dad keeps my from doing it. 

Go on kill yourself, no one even loves you anyways. 

That's not true, dad loves me, my uncles love me, my aunts love, Hunter loves me. 

That is a lie they never have loved you. They wished you would just disappear.

No that isn't true.

You are just a burden to them. 

Just cut yourself, it's so simple just cut to deep and say goodbye. 

You are just a burden.

Kill yourself.

Burden 

 They wouldn't stop, I felt that I was going crazy. I ran up to my room hoping that if I moved or something that they would stop, but they wouldn't.

I felt that I couldn't breathe, I could feel tears falling down and hitting the carpeted floor of my bedroom. Sometime in the time span that felt like hours, but was probably only a few minutes, I started screaming trying to do anything to stop the voices. 

If anyone saw me right now, they would think that I was crazy, but who's to say that I'm not. 

The screaming finally stopped as I went back downstairs trying to find my phone. I could barely walk down the stairs and almost fell multiple times. Between not eating and not breathing I felt like I was going in and out of consciousness. 

When I got to my phone, I remembered that Dad was working at the studio and if they were recording, he wouldn't have his phone. I couldn't call Shy or Larisa because they were out of state, I didn't know what to do.