Fatalé (18+)

Chapter fifty

Nico

Silence.

Pin drop silence.

The only peace I could get temporarily as I'm watching my son fall fast asleep. I haven't neglected this routine ever since I got him back five months ago. Since the day I got him back, it felt like Santos was born again. Perhaps its the way I've been around him since I've had him back. I was so careful with the things I said, careful with the things I did for him and was extra cautious. He may not like it but I wasn't taking any chances.

These past five months felt like victory, yet I felt stuck in a vicious cycle of defeat because there was something missing in my life. My soul was aching and I couldn't find it in words or ways to relieve it. Nothing would be able to relieve it, not until I have her back, by my side. I blink at Santos, the room was dim, I could still see his face, my boy was at some sort of peace when he was asleep, I wondered what he dreamt about.

"Hey..."

I close my eyes and keep them shut as I feel fatigue weighing down on them, and hearing a second voice wasn't something I appreciated in this silence. I was tired of hearing myself speak, I didn't need the fucking world to speak.

"Nico." She calls out again. I inhale a sharp breath and open my eyes, anger swells within me but when I throw a glare over my shoulder, and watch as Stella stood at the door with nothing but concern on her face, my anger slowly begins to melt away. I soon come to a realisation that expressing my anger on to her would be futile when all she is ever trying to do was help me. "It's midnight. You should freshen up at least, Santos isn't going anywhere. I'll make sure."

I look away and close my eyes again, I was tired and sleepy but no matter how much of that I felt, I'll never fall asleep in peace knowing Ilaria is out there somewhere suffering.

"Stella, go to your room." I grunt, settling back down on the armchair that sat across Santos's bed. "You haven't rested yet today, it's not good for you."

"What about you?" She whispers, now padding into the room with a tired breath. As much as I hate having her do these exhausting things, I found myself appreciating Stella's presence for a second because without her pestering, I'd for sure go insane from the loneliness. I exhale out a breath and calm down because no matter how much she's speaking, getting angry at her would be futile, and it wouldn't help me or her. "What you're doing isn't good for you." She states. She reaches closer to me and stops, she then leans over and checks on Santos who was fast asleep.

"Stella, just leave." I plead. Having that constant thought of anger for everything was dangerous, and you don't realise this until you've lost everything you have. When I told Stella to leave, I thought she'd finally leave when she releases a tired sigh, like she was done with speaking to me. A part of me felt relieved to be out of her pestering because that meant, I could be alone in my thoughts for a little while longer, before the sun rises and wakes Santos up. But when she walks around me and sits on the bed in front of me, I don't move. Instead, I tense for some reason. Perhaps it's because she's starting to see a vulnerable side of me that I've always hid.

"Nico, we're all worried just as much as you are. We all want to find her, and we're all doing everything we can to find her." She says, empathy laced her tone and stirring in her face as she blinks. I haven't really got to see Stella much, but now that I am, she's exhausted. She's shattered, this pregnancy might just be the death of her.

"Stella, where is Stefano?" I ask. She paused for a moment, and then she blinks in slight incredulity, like she wasn't entirely pleased to hear his name. "Don't tell me you're doing this pregnancy alone, where is he?"