Healing Hearts: A Second Chance, Small Town Romance Novel

Chapter 2

Sage

I wake to my alarm going off, it's practically still night time as I reach for my mobile and swipe to turn the noise off. It's just five a.m and I hardly slept last night thinking about Miles and what we had, my job at Michigan State and the life we shared.

All those dinner parties, all the theatre events, galas and functions. I miss everything so much and even though I should be bitter and twisted that Miles ended our long-term relationship, I'm hurting too much that I feel physically in pain and sick.

I groan, wishing I had just turned the alarm notification off. It's not like I have anything to get up. I've only got a few more hours to drive to Willowbrook where my parents and my sister, Ali will be waiting for me. I'm hoping my mother hasn't gone all out and decided to invite the whole town.

Laying with my arms behind my head in the darkness tears slide slowly down my face. This time three weeks ago I had no idea my life was about to change. None. Zilch. Only it did and it has left me speechless. How can you possibly carry on when the man of your life for the past ten years tells you he's taken a new role, a fellowship? Which of course is admirable and I know this is what Miles was always working towards. Only I didn't expect him to tell me he was going to London.

There was no discussion and I think if I'm being perfectly honest this is what hurts the most. It's tearing me apart. The fact that he just announced it over dinner one night. A special dinner, the dinner I thought he was going to propose to me during. How stupid and wrong could I have been?

There we were, seated in a romantic corner of the best restaurant in Michigan, The Ocean Prime with its elegant blue seating, round white damask table coverings, the best crystal and cutlery enjoying a glass of champagne. I'd worn my elegant full length black dress, Audrey Hepburn style and yes with the pearls. All I lacked was the long cigarette holder and the tiara. I'd done my make-up all smoky eyes and luscious red lips, and as we sipped our champagne and chatted about our days, my breath kept catching in my throat. Butterflies were swarming my stomach. The expectation of his proposal was killing me.

Now, I feel like such an idiot. We hadn't exactly discussed marriage, not openly like adults that we were. Sure we'd touched on the general stuff like yes we'd like to be married, yes we'd like to have kids. Preferably two you know the ideal, one boy and one girl. You get the picture. How we'd make our money move to the country side or buy a house on the lake and live happily ever after. Okay, so now the tears are rolling down my cheeks. I remove my left arm and wipe my face with my left hand. I'm stripped bare, torn up and seriously ugly crying.

Why can't I just be mad at him? Why can't I truly hate him? Because I still love Miles. I think perhaps I always will. My chest hurts like I can't breathe. There has only been one other person in my life and that was when I was about fifteen. I dated Logan during school and we split up when I decided I wanted to go to college elsewhere and follow my dream of being a doctor in a bit city. Logan didn't want to move, he didn't want to go out into the big world. Not back then, who knows where in the world he is now. Probably snapped up by some gorgeous woman with a couple of kids in tow. My life, how I thought it would be.

I met Miles and he took me under his wing from day one when I joined Michigan State. He was pretty damn difficult to resist and with his boyish charm and good looks, he had me pretty hooked from the start. It didn't bother me that every nurse practically in the hospital, male and female I hasten to add were after a piece of him. He was everyone's favourite, handsome doctor. Corny but true. Oh, so true. I exhale.

Anyway, I digress. Dinner. Ocean Prime restaurant. The best in Michigan, the most romantic restaurant where couples become engaged, proposals happen every day as couples look adoringly into one another's eyes. A bit like I was looking into Miles' eyes.

"I've got something exciting to say." He told me. I took another sip of champagne thinking, this is it. It's really going to happen. I'm going to be married. I had already visualized my wedding gown, a delicate ivory Vera Wang with kitten heel shoes. Bridesmaids in jade green straight dresses with fitted bodices. My hair would be up in a French twist with blush miniature roses threaded through. I was smiling from ear to ear, I could feel how my eyes were dancing and sparkling. Of course, the amount of champagne I was knocking back probably helped.

I reached my left hand out to his right hand across the table, in readiness for the Tiffany ring to be placed on my finger.

"I've been accepted." I narrowed my eyes wondering what the word accepted actually had to do with a marriage proposal. Perhaps my ears needed cleaning out. "To the Royal Marsden in London. Can you believe it? It's been my dream."

His dream, since when? I can't ever recall him telling me he wanted to go to London for his oncology fellowship and there he was sitting across me not evening touching my hand, which I quickly withdraw as if it's been scalded with boiling water and place it in my lap. I was dumbfounded.

My eyes cast downwards taking in the sea bass sitting untouched on my plate, dressed perfectly with broccoli, pearly onion and potato puree. Good job I hadn't touched it otherwise I'd probably have heaved it all up at his words.

"Say something." Miles encouraged me. Like what? What does he want me to say? He's made a life changing decision without even talking to me about it. Not even hinted it to me. I felt dizzy and faint. My breathing was shallow, my chest tight.

"Sage." Miles leant forward. "Are you okay?"

I cleared my throat. "London. Fellowship. Oncology." I stammered. "When did you decide this? We've not ever discussed this and why can't you go to one of the main hospitals here. Why London? Miles, you do realize I can't just give up my career in medicine and follow you." I gulped and almost choked on the lump forming in my throat.

"Of course, Sage. I wouldn't expect you to give up your life. I know you love it here, this was your dream. Only it's not my dream."

I interrupt him. "But it was your dream. You told me when we first met all those years ago. You told me you'd always wanted to work out of Michigan State like your father." Bewildered doesn't cover the turmoil my mind was in.

"Once it was, for sure. I'm not denying that. But I've moved on and I want more. I want to be a specialist and I want to travel. I've achieved what my father achieved, I have followed in his footsteps. Now it's time for me to branch out and I know I'll make a brilliant oncologist specialist."

"I don't disagree, Miles. I know you will but what about us?" I realize I sounded upset, I was clutching on to straws. He had that look he gets when he's made his mind up and is focused on an end goal.

"Why didn't you discuss it with me?" My voice is just a whisper, the last thing I want to do is draw attention to us both whilst my life is shattering into pieces.

"I knew you would try to fight it and dissuade me." He pushes his own plate slightly away and clasps his hands in front of him, resting them on the table. Would I have done? Yes, probably.

"But no notice, Miles. You can't just walk away from ten years together. You simply can't." And now as I lay here in the early hours of the morning crying like a goddamn baby, I wish I'd stood up that evening and punched him right in the face for being deceitful and arrogant instead of whimpering like a dog and hurting inside like my heart was torn apart, thrown to the ground and stomped all over.

"We could do long distance?" Ever the hopeful person me.

"I don't think it will work, Sage. Not with your schedule at the hospital and me doing a fellowship. We wouldn't see each other and this way we're not trying to hold on to something."

"Some things are worth holding onto, Miles." Least way, that is how I felt. Clearly the man I'd spent the last ten years with, didn't feel at all the same way. That is such a kick in the teeth. Your gut feels like it's gripped by a vice, you can't break, suffocation almost consumes you.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, I was totally unaware I had more bad news to come.