Lost Without You

Chapter 30

Dr: "Do you want to know the gender of your baby?"

I turned to Jay before shaking my head: "No, not right now. Jay and I talked about it and we want it to be a surprise."

Dr: "Okay, that's awesome! Are you ready to hear the baby's heartbeat?"

Kinsley bounced from Jay's lap: "Yes!"

The doctor laughed: "Look like your little one is very excited"

By the time it gets to the fetal doppler, I could feel the sinking feeling in my stomach. I lightly squeezed Jay's hand. As the probe was placed onto my stomach, we were immediately met with static noises. Time seemed to slow down as the doctor moved the probe around my lower stomach. The doctor was focused, trying to find what she was looking for. As time went on, my heart began pounding in my chest, worrying that it will be picked up on the doppler. More static fills the room and I could sense the doctor beginning to become frustrated from hearing the same noise repeatedly. Jay's hand intertwined with mine, his thumb gently stroking the back of my hand.

Kinsley's voice broke through the tension in the room: "Daddy, what's wrong?"

Jay tries to keep his voice' stead: "Nothing's wrong, sweetheart. We're just trying to hear the baby's heartbeat."

Kinsley's eyes widened with understanding, and she nodded, settling back into Jay's lap.

After what felt like hours has past, a faint but steady thumping sound emerged from the doppler. Relief washed over me, and tears of joy streamed down my face. I let out the breath I been holding and turns over to Jay. He leaned toward me, still holding Kinsley in his arm. He gives me a kiss on my forehead and ran his fingers through my hair.  I closed my eyes and focused on the sound of the heartbeat. It was a steady, rhythmic sound, like the beating of a tiny drum

Jay whispered, his voice filled with emotion: "There it is"

Kinsley looked up at me, her eyes shining with excitement: "Mama!"

The doctor smiled, her eyes filled with warmth. "That's a strong heartbeat. Everything looks good"

We sat there, surrounded by the sound of our baby's heartbeat. After the appointment, we walked back to the truck while Jay and I swung Kinsley in our hands. As we settled into the car, Kinsley's excitement bubbled over, filling the space with her infectious energy. She sat in the carseat, her eyes sparkling with excitement, as she eagerly began sharing her thoughts and dreams about the baby. She spoke about having tea parties, teddy bear picnics, and secret hideouts. Everything we have done with Kinsley in the past three months. 

Jay: "Hey Kinsley, do you want to go to the park?"

Kinsley threw her hands up in excitement: "YES!"

As we drove to the park, Kinsley's excitement grew. When we arrived, she ran straight to the playground, giggling with delight as she soared through the air. Jay and I sat on a nearby bench, watching her play.

Jay squeezed my hand as he looked at me: "Hey, you excited?"

I smiled: "Yeah"

Jay leaned closer to me, our nose touching before his lips met mine: "I love you Hails"

I broke away: "I love you too Jay"

Jay leaned back into the bench, his eyes fixed on mine: "You know, you will be an amazing mom to this baby. I mean, you are already doing amazing with Kinsley"

I sighed happily: "Thank you Jay. You know the adoption hearing is coming up soon- In just a few weeks"

Jay's hand found mine once again, his thumb gently stroking the back of my hand: "Whatever happens, we will face it together"

In that moment, surrounded by the love of my family, I knew that everything would be okay. I leaned back onto the bench as Jay gets up, chasing after Kinsley. She laughs as she tries to run from Jay.

Kinsley shrieked in happiness, her eyes shining with mischief: "You will never get me!"

I watched as they ran around the playground, eventually Jay caught her, lifting her into the air and spinning her around.

Jay: "I got you!"

As Jay set Kinsley down, she sprinted to the swing. Jay followed her, helping her sit on the swing. He pushed her gently, his eyes fixed on her as Kinsley's smile grew bigger with each push

I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling the sun warmth on my face. The gentle breeze carried the sound of children playing and birds singing. I imagined Jay with a new baby in his arm, with Kinsley peeking over his shoulder. As I opened my eyes, I saw Jay and Kinsley running towards me, their faces filled with joy and excitement. 

Kinsley launched herself into my arms, her small body filled with energy: "Mama, did you see me?"

"I saw you! That was amazing!"

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A few hours later...

After dinner, we all sat down to watch Kinsley's favorite Disney movie, Cinderella. Although, it changes every months, last month it was Frozen. Kinsley's eyes were glued to the TV, and every once a while her laughter would filled the room during the funny scenes. Each giggle was like music to my ears and it made my heart melt. Jay sat next to me, his arm around my shoulder while I laid my head on his chest. 

Kinsley turns to me, laughing: "The mice are funny!"

After the movie ended, Jay lifted Kinsley into the air, making her giggles. 

Jay playfully placed his finger on Kinsley's nose: "Boop! You ready for bed?"

Kinsley giggles while her nose scrunched up: "Yeah!"

Jay carried Kinsley to her bedroom, her small arms wrapped around his neck. I watched them disappear down the hallway, a smile playing on my lips. A few minutes later, I could hear Jay reading a story to her. The noises began to drown out and a sense of weariness settled over me as my eyelids grew heavy. And before I knew it, I could feel arms going underneath my neck and my knee. I was carried to a cozy bed, and a soft blanket was pulled over me. Then I felt a kiss on my cheek. 

*Author's note: UHM.. I THINK this is one of my favorite chapter I have written in this book!! LIKE SERIOUSLY.. KINSLEY! SHE'S SO CUTE! UPSTEAD TOO! And, I'm sorry. You will have to wait to learn about the gender of the baby :)