bad idea

Chapter 67

Kai's Pov

If you would've told me a month after Lucy's party, I'd be sitting in front of a mirror beside Zayn, getting dressed for a funeral, I wouldn't have believed you. I wouldn't have believed that I had just been released from the hospital after Lauren shot me. I wouldn't have believed that the people I loved most were sitting in a hospital, while I was here, minutes away from the event.

I was going through it and so were Zayn, Tommy, Victoria, and Cole, who were the only ones also discharged from the hospital. I remembered the night everything went down, how scared I was to lose Ariana while she was dying in my arms. I couldn't sleep because of it, so I was spending most of my time in the hospital, waiting for the others to wake up.

"Hey, we should go before we're late," Zayn said while simultaneously tapping my shoulder and breaking me from my thoughts, "We don't have to go,"

"No, I owe it to her to be there," I replied, knowing I wouldn't forgive myself for missing it. I didn't miss Malcolm's, Kehlani's, or even my parents, it would eat me alive for the rest of my life to miss this one. And that was the same thing Victoria told Zayn when we were loading inside of the car, about to be on our way.

I had never seen her like this besides when our parents died, grieving as bad as she was. I knew she blamed herself for what happened, still not being able to grasp everything since. It was starting to affect how she was with everyone else, pulling away from John and Hazel and spending most of her time either in the hospital or with Willow and Matt.

Zayn was different than the rest of us though, I think when Lauren died, he realized that Lauren was never on our side to begin with. So it was almost a relief to him that he could finally leave this ongoing situation and focus on his family. I'm sure a part of him missed the Lauren we used to know, but all of his memories and emotions about her got buried two weeks ago at her funeral.

Shawn didn't really like Lauren, so of course what happened was sad, but he accepted what happened and sorta just moved on. He was around the house a lot more, deciding to pick up while everyone slacked. He handled a lot of the business, even deciding to move Lauren out and replace her room with one of his own.

Tommy was really passive about that night, even though he lost two friends. He was around helping Shawn and Cole, so that he could bury himself in his work and not have to think about it. Tommy would also check up on Victoria whenever he could, bringing her food or even flowers sometimes to distract her mind...sometimes for some reason, he was the only one to get her away from the hospital, even if it was just for an hour.

Standing outside of the church, I wasn't surprised to see as many people as I did, in fact, I thought I would see more. She was amazing, always there for everyone around her, and never asked for anything in return, no matter what. Truly one of a kind.

It was weird seeing her picture in front of the building, everyone holding little books in their hands with details about her life in there. I saw Joan coming inside, seeing how she was barely keeping it together herself. I knew I had to talk to her soon, but I couldn't bring myself to yet.

Meanwhile, her family and friends were all heading inside while I struggled to get out of the car. What if they blamed me for what happened to their daughter? This was all my fault to begin with. I should've just dealt with Lauren without involving anyone else, then she'd still be here, and my friends would be okay. Zayn said it himself, we couldn't afford to fuck up and I did.

"She would want us all to be there," Tommy spoke up, noticing everyone had grown hesitant, "We can't fix what happened and she knew what she was getting into, so we just have to live with that and at least show up for her one last time, guys,"