Changes - Minsung

Part 37

Jisungs POV

The bar Felix dragged us to looks extremely fancy. There is a large dance floor and even separate karaoke rooms.

It turns out that hyunjin knows the owner and we have a room with dance floor, drinks and karaoke all to ourselves.

Pretty cool actually, but I can't find much enthusiasm in me right now.

The others are all there already, Seungmin and I are the last to enter our room.

My friends greet us cheerfully and Chan, Changbin, and Minoh also greet us from their seats. We are really starting to mutate into a group of friends.

I avoid looking at Minoh or even risking coming near him.

I sit down next to Chan at the edge of the seat. He puts an arm around me and offers me a drink. Together we toast to the successful exams. Right after that, Jeongin already jumps up and grabs the remote control for the karaoke.

"Lets go. Who wants to sing first?" he beams to the crowd.

"Come on Innie we'll sing a duet" comes Seungmin's response, grabbing the second mic. They choose the song Replay and put on a pretty good performance.

I enjoy watching them but I can't forget my worries. Everyone is having fun, clapping their hands and singing along. One drink after the other is taught and I also go along well with the drinks.

Again and again I squint over at Minoh. He doesn't really dignify me with a glance, his focus is entirely on the others. This is all so unpleasant, I have the feeling I'm going to be sick.

I get up and leave the room while Changbin and Chan perform a song.

My way leads me to the toilets. I lean my hands on the sink and look at myself in the mirror.

Calm down Han. Everything is fine. Why is my life so fucked up... I don't understand myself and my feelings. Minoh just drives me crazy.

I feel myself shaking a bit and my breathing is uneasy. I am extremely bad at dealing with stress and uncertain feelings.

What if he hates me now? Or no idea what he's thinking after I practically harassed him in the pool? At the dance rehearsal, I'm sure he was just being nice so I wouldn't mess up the performance...I'm such an idiot, why did I do that...?

I feel a tear roll down my cheek.

"Jisungiie?" I hear softly behind me and startle.

Felix is standing next to the door, looking at me worriedly. He must have noticed that something is wrong. After all he's always been my best friend.

I want to hide my feelings and say nothing is wrong, but instead I run into his arms and sob up.

"Jisungie what's wrong? I could see something was wrong for a while. Tell me, I'm here for you" the little sunshine says calmly and strokes my hair.

"Lixx, something happened and I know... I do not know why and what to do now..." I sob into the crook of his neck.
"At the party... I... well... I kissed Minoh. I was totally drunk and fell into the pool. Well that doesn't really matter... but yeah. I don't know why... it didn't mean anything... We're always... I don't know. He's in my head all the time and I'm just causing trouble... he's so annoyed... and now... oh god... he hates me for sure." I whimper more again.

Felix strokes my back soothingly. "Do you think maybe you have a little crush on Minoh, Sungie?"

"What no... I don't have a crush on Minoh after all. He's always just teasing me and making fun of me..." I mutter, not actually believing myself.