How to save a life (a Loki fanfic)

Chapter 18 Sleeping to snow, waking to flowers.

 Snow drifted around him, as he walked. It was so dark he could hardly see anything, and the snow was piled up to his thighs. He wanted to cry, but his eyes were to frozen to let him. He put fourth great effort, to fight back every cell in his body, trying to keep himself from changing to his Joten form. He didn't want to let the monster take over. He stumbled in the snow, and fell over, the cold engulfed him, and he knew if he didn't change he would freeze to death, so he let go. In an instant he felt warm again. He laid there in the snow, looking up at the sky of this strange planet. It occurred to him, it may not even be a planet, he could be on a moon, or a large commit for all he knew. He squeezed his eyes shut, and tried to remember his home. He laid there for a long time, trying to will himself back to Asgard. He finally gave up, and stood. He started walking again, with ease this time, his feet gild through the snow so easily now. He stopped and squinted, he could see a figure of a man in the distance. Little did he know who that 'man' actually was.

Loki woke up, to see Lillian laying across from him, fast asleep. He smiled and brought his hand up to her hair "I love you Lilly." He whispered, and she opened her eyes, and yawned. "I love you too." Loki bit his lip "sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." She smiled sleepily at him "It's fine, I'm glad you did." she yawned again. Loki smiled "you are beautiful Lilly, in every way, I love you so, much." He said, unable to tear his eyes away from her's. Her smile wavered "..I wish you could love your self as much as I love you." Loki closed his eyes and sighed, reopening them when he spoke "I wish there was something to love about me." he said offering a small, pained smile. They sat up a little. "Loki" She tried, but failed to hide the pain from her voice "everything about you is something to love. You are funny, and affectionate, and I, I love you so much. Please, just, try to see the good in yourself." He sighed and looked up at the ceiling, fighting to keep tears in his eyes. "how can I see the good in myself, when there is so much bad, I'm a monster, I, I can't, " tears rolled down his cheeks."I can't do this, I can't live this life anymore, you are the only good thing about my life, I can't live with myself, I have done so much bad Lillian, so much." Lillian shook her head "it wasn't you Loki, not really, it was Thanos." Loki's face turned red with anger "Where does the blood lie, Lilllian, by who's hand did all those innocent people fall." His volume of his voice never increased, but he was in fact, yelling. "mine, I am the one who slayed them, who ripped them away from their families, mothers from innocent children, I gave in, I could have stopped at any time, but I was to cowardice, I couldn't handle any more torture, not even for hundreds of innocent, pure souls." He backed off a little "I wish everyday, that I could go back, and refuse his offer, at least that way I would probably be dead right now." He took a deep breath. "The worst part is..I don't even think I regretted the things I was doing, as I was doing them. I was so hurt, and just happy to be alive that....I was thankful to not be the one taking the pain for once. Lillian...I think I might have, enjoyed it! This is why I say I am a monster Lillian, now, it's up to you to decide, am I really worth it?" He asked shaking with the overflow of emotions. "...Loki." She reached up to cup his face, but he jerked away. "you are good Loki, you just need to stop blaming yourself, it was not your fault." She shook her head sadly "and yes, you are worth it."

Tony swerved around Bruce. They were working together to try to figure out a way to upgrade his suit to have a longer lasting battery, right now it lasted up to five days. Bruce leaned back and sighed "I can't get it to last longer without increasing the size." Tony sat in the chair next to him. Massaging the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. "what if we added more carbon electrodes?" He asked looking up at Bruce "it would last longer, but the possibility of it short circuiting would sky rocket." He replied, rolling his shoulders. Tony shot up "okay, we need a break. Jarvis, what can we do that will take our minds off of work?" The AI's voice came over the over com "I believe Dr.Banner needs to rest Sir, as do you, although I do believe you will do as you always do and ignore me." Bruce laughed "when did Jarvis become a smart ass?" "I take after my creator Dr.Banner" Jarvis said, in an all to polite tone. Tony pointed his middle finger clumsily at the ceiling. "so, coffee?" Tony asked, Bruce nodded and they went to his kitchen. They silently sipped at their coffee until simultaneously, got an idea.

**Author's Note**

Um...I don't really have anything to say, I'm just board, Thanks for all the reads and votes, and comments, bye bye.