Mixed Direction

Chapter Twenty- Five: Escape

"You forgot?" Louis asks, walking over as the others play with the twins in the lounge room.

"Yep," I respond with fake enthusiasm to Louis, another yawn escaping my lips as I try to think about what I need to prepare for them to eat. Toast, eggs, bacon, cooked tomato, porridge, fruit, juice, coffee, tea and anything else they want.

"Hey lad," I hear Harry say cheerfully. "Woah! Which truck hit you last night?" Harry chuckles and I look up momenterially to see Zayn walking into the living area, his hair everywhere and still wearing his pyjamas, shuffling towards me.

"Aye! Don't come near me! Both of us don't need gastro," I move away from Zayn and he gives me a hard stare. "Here," I toss him the panadol box and then grab him a glass of water. "Now go away, no one wants to be sick too." I body shuffle Zayn back out of the kitchen and he heads back towards the stairs as the others watch him, trying to decide whether to laugh or to sympathise.

"You're a lovely wife," Harry jokes with me and I just give him a cold stare like Zayn gave me, not in the mood for all of this.

I bend down besides Ellie and check that she's packed everything she needs for school, and it looks like she has, so now she is ready to go when Zoe gets here.

"Hello," Zoe suddenly appears from the hallway and I let out a sigh of relief. Thank goodness Zoe is here and happy, because Ellie really needs to see a happy face before she goes to school because I am far from happy faced.

"Hey Zo," I put on a fake smile and stand up as Zoe greets all the others. "Thank you so much, I'll take Arlen any time you need," I tell her, making sure she knows I can help out, just not right now.

"It's fine Perrie," Zoe laughs. "We can take Ellie time, she's no trouble," Zoe tells me, helping Ellie put on her bag. A few people in the lounge laugh at Zoe's comment and I just roll my eyes whilst Zoe laughs too. "She's an angel for me!" Zoe picks up Ellie as my daughter laughs.

"Okay," I worry. "See you this afternoon, remember your manners, have fun," I place a kiss on Ellie's cheek. "Love you El," I give her one of my fake smiles (I'm getting quite good at these).

"Bye Mummy, love you," Ellie waves. "Bye Uncle Lou!" Ellie waves at him and then others all complain. "Bye!" Ellie waves to them all and they laugh, waving back.

Zoe leaves with Ellie and I head back behind the bench, placing bowls into the sink and then grabbing bowls and plates, kind of slamming them down onto the bench.

I then go to the fridge and grab out the milk carton, kind of enjoying the cool air on my face as I collect the dairy product.

"Okay, what do you want for breakfast?" I ask, looking up to the lounge room where they're all watching me from where they're all sitting. They either have worried, confused or blank looks on their faces, which really aren't helping me.

"How about you calm your farm for a moment?" Jesy asks me. My fucking farm is calm! Okay.... maybe not. But still.

I curl my hands around the edge of the bench as I stand there, resting my body weight against the sturdy counter, the silence being a strange presence.

"Lillie, Rosie, how about you go play in the front room?" Harry asks them and I watch as they nod their heads for 'Uncle Hally' and then head off into the other lounge area.

"Are you okay?" Louis asks me, sitting down on the back of the couch as they all continue to look at me, making me slightly uncomfortable.

"I'm fine," I reply, running the tap and filling up the kettle before turning around and putting it onto the stand so it can boil, hoping that when I turn back around they will have all stopped staring.... but of course, when I shift back to face them, they're still looking.

"Perrie?" Jade asks me, her voice shaking a little.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Danielle's also worried voice continues on from Jade.

"Yes, I am fine."

"You don't seem very 'fine'," Harry points out and I close my eyes to stop myself from giving him another stare that could turn him to stone.

I rub my face again with my hands, trying to soothe the multiple different emotions bouncing around my body like crazy. I let out a deep breath and open my eyes again, this time looking at the bench.

My mind goes flooding back through memories again, but of this year in particular. This bloody year....

"My buckle Mummy!" Ellie exclaims. Oh bloody hell Ellie! I check the road again and then turn around and keep my right on the wheel whilst I try to do the buckle on her seat up again.

My fingers fumble with the clips and I push them both in, the clicking noise indicating I've done it up again. As I turn around to face the road again the last thing I hear is Ellie saying 'thank you' before our car gets hit...

Every accomplishment starts with the ambition to try and believe me I am trying. I am trying. But nothing is happening!

I want to be a good mother. I want to be a good parent for my children, but I will never be like Zayn is to them. I want to be a good friend but I seem to be an absolute worry more than a friend. And bloody oath I'd like to be a good wife, but that's never going to happen because I cannot figure out whether I'm in love with my husband.

I look at them all watching me, their eyes still big with fear, with worry, with kindness, with genuine concern.

"Perrie, in all seriousness, are you okay?" Louis asks me, his voice hitting me harder than it has in previous times, as if it has hit something that has set off an explosion.

"No," I shake my head as I feel my chest tightening. I grip at the bench and look at the ceiling, the tears swelling in my eyes, my teeth pushing down hard on my bottom lip. I need to get out of here, I need to go.

In a quick movement I grab my car keys and shove my phone into my back pocket, walking towards the hallway to the garage.

"Perrie! Wait!" Louis' voice makes me stop in my tracks and I turn around to see them all on their feet now.

"I know bad things happen," I tell them, my fists curled up to contain my rage. "Every bloody thing, all of it!" I exclaim at them. "But this, this is getting fucking ridiculous!" I yell and without second thought, or looking back, I escape. I run.