Love Me Hate Me ~Namjin~

§ Chapter 28 §

§ Namjoon §

(Tw ~ mentions self harm and suicide. If you feel like you can't read that then please for your own good, don't read this chapter.)

Doctor~"I'm sorry guys, but there's nothing more I can do. Jin is dead."

Jungkook burst into tears and Tae hugged him, also crying. Namjoon felt like he could barely stand up. He fell to his knees, too weak to even hold his head up. Tears streamed uncontrollably down his face. He just couldn't believe that his one and only love was dead. Namjoon didn't know what he would do without him. It was like he was incomplete without Jin. He didn't even want to continue living without Jin, he felt that there was no point in living anymore anyways. Then he remembered Jin's last words.

"Be happy and please adopt a child for me."

Namjoon wanted to do what Jin told him to, but how could he be happy without him in his life?

Tae~"Come on, let's go back home."

Tae helped Namjoon stand up and they walked back to Jin's house. Once they got there, Tae and Jungkook went into the basement. Namjoon went up the stairs. He went into Jin's room. It still smelled like Jin, woody and coconut-ish. It smelled just like his perfume, Diptyque Philosykos Eau de Parfum.

(A/N ~ yes, that's his actual perfume and yes, that's basically what it smells like. Idk why Google knows this but it is what it is🤷)

Namjoon flopped onto Jin's bed and cried into his pillow. He felt completely empty without Jin. No purpose, no happiness, no life. Just depression and grief.

Namjoon~"Why couldn't she have just killed me instead? I wish I was dead. Maybe if I died then I would be with Jin again. Maybe I could just kill myself to see him again? No, he said he wanted me to live a happy life. But how can I live a happy life without him!?"

Namjoon walked into Jin's bathroom. He looked around at all of his stuff. His perfume on the counter, his shampoo and conditioner in the shower, his razor and shaving cream in a small purple purse on the counter. Namjoon walked to the counter and looked into the mirror.

Namjoon~"This is my fault. If I wasn't so caught up with Sana's henchman then I would've been able to save Jin. I'm so stupid! Why am I so weak and incapable!? Why can't I do anything!? I'm a sinner for not saving Jin!"

Namjoon began to cry again. He looked at Jin's razor in the purple bag. He picked it up and studied it.

Namjoon~"Maybe there's a way I could atone for my sins?"

Namjoon ran his thumb over the razor's blades. It cut him and he began to bleed. It hurt a bit but he felt a bit of his pressure go away. He looked at his arm.

Namjoon~"I need to atone."

Namjoon placed the blade on the top of his wrist and quickly slashed it. It started to bleed a little bit. That wasn't enough, he needed a more intense punishment for his sin. He kept slashing at that spot on his wrist until there was blood all over his wrist and the razor. He looked at the underside of his wrist.

Namjoon~"Maybe I should cut there too? No, Jin wouldn't want me to kill myself like that. I just need to atone for my sin and be done."

Namjoon turned his arm back over and chose a spot on his arm a bit under the first wound. He slashed it a few times until it was bleeding as much as the first wound. He cut his arm in 7 more places until he felt that he should stop. He felt more and more pressure escape him with everu cut he made. He was still sad, but a lot less stressed.

Namjoon~"I guess this is good for now, though this still isn't enough. I'll continue tomorrow so that I can make sure that I've gotten what I deserve."

Namjoon grabbed a tissue and cleaned the blood off of his arm. He found a box of bandaids in a drawer and he put a bandaid on each of his cuts. He cleaned Jin's razor and put it back where he found it. Then he left the bathroom as if nothing had ever happened.