Her Touch ~Tomura Shigaraki x OC AU~

Chapter 14: Walking Through Shadows

Tomura

The sound of her palm slapping my cheek snaps.

It echoes through the stillness, breaking the silence as a sharp pain burns where she struck me. It throbs, blood rushing through my vessels to it. I reach up, brushing a gloved fingertip along the area. She's got a good arm on her.

"Toga!" Compress gasps in disbelief. He stands, about to hurry to us. "What in heavens are you doing? What could have possibly possessed you to do that?"

"Shut it, Compress!" she snaps. "This doesn't involve you."

"Toga..."

We stand – Toga, Compress, and me – for several beats as more silence fills the room. Just this heavy quietness. And yet, it's as if I can feel the electricity of rage humming from her still. Finally, I look at her.

"Okay," I say. "What makes me a prick now?"

I know she's pissed off at me. I can see the glimmer of rage in her eyes. It whips and burns. Yet, I feel no fear. Not for her.

"You're an ass," she growls.

"Well, I gathered that." I straighten my posture. "Care to elaborate?"

She shifts her weight, jabbing her index finger into my chest. "You are a heartless bastard. Have you not gone to see her at all?"

Ah. I see. That's why I'm an ass. Because I haven't gone and seen her yet. Illika, all held up in the infirmary. Tucked away from anything remotely chaotic. Safe and sound. If that makes me an ass, then so be it.

I shrug. "No. Why would I?"

Even as those words slip off my tongue I can feel this weird ache grip my chest. It hurts, but I ignore it.

Toga's eyes widen and the rage ensues. "Are you fucking kidding me? Are you kidding me?" She slaps me again, and Compress gasps once more.

"Toga, is that really necessary?"

She ignores him, instead shooting daggers at me with that glare. Just a cold and bitter stare. This completely contrasts with the new wave of stinging emanating from my cheek. I place a hand on it and shoot her a cold glance.

"Watch it, Toga. You're really starting to piss me off."

"And you're pissing me off!" she bursts. "That poor girl is up there, traumatized by what happened to her, and you don't even have the gull to go see her? To simply ask if she's okay? That's a real dick thing to do!"

Traumatized. That's a strong word, but accurate, I guess. I mean, she did almost lose her arm because of what I did. I'm pretty sure she has nerve damage. Will she even be able to use that hand again? Maybe I'll ask Dr. Garaki that.

"It's better that way," I say. Deep in my chest, there is this strange ache. It feels like my heart is beating, but there is something hollow. Distant, almost. "She is better off if I just remove myself from her life."

There are several seconds of silence as Toga stands, her expression twisting from anger to confusion. "What the fuck are you talking about?" Her posture once again shifts. "Do you... Do you think she's traumatized by you?"

Now, it's my turn to be confused. "Yes? I hurt her. You've seen –"

"Oh, my God!" Toga bursts, a rattle of laughter bellowing from her.

Both Compress and I stand, each watching her as she wraps her arms around herself, cackling. At one point, Compress tries to reach for her, but she waves him away, still laughing. This continues for several moments when she calms down, composing herself. She regathers herself and straightens her posture, looking at me.

"Has Dr. Garaki told you nothing?" she asks.

I knit my brows. "He's told me everything."

Including anything about the kit, but I'll keep that part to myself. I doubt she wants to know that I'm aware of that. Of the fact that they examined her and found no traces of anything – no semen, no tears, no signs of forced entry, nothing. Which means we must have got there in time, and that everything Asahi said was a bluff.

She lifts a brow. "Did he? Because there's no way you're this dense." She leans closer. "Illie has PTSD. I don't think Dr. Garaki officially diagnosed her, but it's pretty obvious." She once again leans back, crossing her arms over her chest. "And no, it's not because of you. Even if those pricks didn't do anything, they still did something. And she's terrified because of that."

It's instant. The way my heart falls. The way the hollowness in my chest spreads throughout me. How my breath hitches. How cold my fingers suddenly feel.

I was so consumed by self-pity that I didn't even consider that. That she would be shouldering the pain of what she went through while she was there. And then I remember the bruises. They littered her body. All those little wonky black and blue circles dotting her skin. Even now, just thinking about them pisses me off.

Those fuckers.

Even with them being dead and gone, they're still fucking with her. Those thoughts and her memories... I have my own battles like that. I know exactly what that feels like. It sucks. It's annoying. It hurts.

"Tenko!"

My eyes widen. I have my own demons. Don't we all? Each of us... We all fight and hide, moving through our shadows alone. She happened to see a snippet of mine. The flicker of emotions I had seen in her eyes flashes through my mind.

She had been...worried. Scared, on my behalf. Reaching and wanting to know more, and I hurt her. Why? Because I was scared? Because I was wrapped in my own shadows?

Now, she's trapped in hers, trying to navigate and swim through them all alone. I've done that, and it was a cold and bitter swim to trudge through. I don't want her going through the same. I don't want that for her.

"Do you get it now?" she asks, her tone cold. "She is traumatized, Shigaraki. She is scared and afraid, and the man she loves hasn't even come to check on her."

I perk up. "She...loves me?"

"You're kidding me. You mean to tell me that you couldn't figure that out?"

Compress looks at me. I suck in my lower lip. "I..."

"God." She rolls her eyes. "You two are infuriating. Listen, just...go fucking see her! You two can figure out whatever you two have going on after that."

She's talking – I know she's speaking. I can hear the faint murmurs of her voice and see her lips moving, but my heart is beating too vigorously.

Illika loves me.

**Bello lovelies! Woo! Two chapters in one day. I feel accomplished. A bit of a Shiggy POV today. It appears Toga might be helping to move things along, eh? Hopefully! Tonight was the second D&D night and it went pretty well. Better than last week where we spent two hours killing three goblins. Tonight we killed about ten goblins! Lol progress. Also, since I've been reading more I've found it easier to write. That just might be the current situation, so that could change. But for now, I'll take it lol. But that'll do for today. Keep being awesome and coolio! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross