One Year Time Bomb

It's Love

It was love, Lan Wangji can't understand at first. Maybe it's a feeling like he's dreaming with his eyes open. His heart feels troubled for no reason. He also experiences yearning. But now... everything seems like a thing of the past. He had never felt this happy before.

To stand by his love's side. Their hands intertwined like they were made for each other. To stay like this, sitting in front of their treasure piano, playing their lovesong as there was no sweeter sound than it.

His Wei Ying's head lay on his shoulder, it was warm, warmth he knew in the middle of winter. His supposed broken heart mending on its own. His shattered soul piecing each other. With Wei Ying by his side, he felt whole, he felt like he had never been true to any of his life.

With time as his enemy, Lan Wangji knew everything will not end well.

Time has been the cruelest enemy to fight.

Time makes the most of regrets. It never smothers the sorrow, yet he has to tend and cherish it till it comes to separate them. Such worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it saps the life and joy of counted moments.

Lan Wangji has decided. Even if his world were to cave in tomorrow, he would look back on all pleasures, excitement, and worthwhileness. He had been lucky enough to have things fate has deprived him. Not the sadness, not the loneliness, or Wei Ying leaving any time, but the joy of being able to spend what little time he has. It will have been enough.

It is sadder to find the fault of his past and find it inadequate to the present. More than it is to have eluded himself and remained forever a harmonious conception of painful memories.

There was no despair so absolute as the first moments of his sorrow. When he has not yet known what it is to suffer for love and be healed, to have despaired and had recover hope. How this happiness will turn out gray at the end.

Lan Wangji tightened his grip. His heart clenching so hard with painful memories replaying in his mind.

"I regretted hurting you.." he said.

Wei Wuxian paused, his hand in the air flinch.

"I regretted not choosing you.."

Their hearts beating loudly, yet Lan Wangji's free hand continued to play their song.

"I regretted not being honest when all I know is how much I love you..."

"You were never at fault... I never told you..."

"No..." Lan Wangji replied, "If I am brave enough, to be honest... I would have chosen you even then... I am... A coward..."

Lan Wangji was raised in an atmosphere devoid of freedom. As he got older, he was like, 'I have to do this... Not his... Everything is not fine.' That stuff's sad, he was a sensitive person. He has his own choice, his freedom to follow, his own heart to protect.

"I wasted it all."

The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities.

When we realize it, it was far too late.

"I took you for granted... And that is my mistake..."

The most saddening things in life, try as much we may, one can never be certain of making people happy, whereas we can almost always be certain of making them unhappy. Push them away, chose them as a relief, and yet, we would come back, it's not the way it was supposed to be.

Finally stopping, Lan Wangji faces Wei Wuxian, his eyes staring at the silvery hues.

"Wei Ying..." He called, "I love you."