Bright Shadows 2: A Hinterlands Anthology

Series-9: Turning The Page

##

"Don't tell me, private. Let me guess. A Series-8 ate your pet camel and all of your furniture."

"Uh... No. A saber-toothed tiger ate the furniture. Twelve Series-8s... Never mind. The janitors will have that all cleaned up in a year or so. Maybe three." Ahem! "We've received our first Series-9. A curious critter. She, um... She peed all over the, um..."

"Private? Sometime this year?"

Deep breath: exhale! "Sir, she peed all over the furniture, before..."

"Wait. Don't tell me. The saber-tooth thought that the furniture was scent-marked... And that's why it 'ate' the furniture."

"Yes, sir. That's the working theory."

"Great. A new series rolls out — and we get one that's not even potty-trained."

"It may get worse, sir."

"Oh?"

"She's still teething. Sir."

"What?!"

"Teething."

"I heard you, young lady! I just had my ears flushed!"

"Sir?"

"I mean — it has teeth?!"

"Apparently. And, um, her sonic mouth tentacles can, um, cut bamboo. Then there's the matter of her hooves."

"Hooves?"

"Yes, sir. At the terminal ends of her dorsal strikers. Reminds me of a deer or a goat. Cute claws, too... -if you like that sort of thing-"

"Hold. Let me get this straight. It's not even potty-trained, but its mouth tentacles and strikers are fully weaponized?"

"Apparently, sir. I've never seen one her age that matches her IQ. She seems, well..."

"Out with it."

"Sir? She seems . . . almost — human. And, and...."

"Yes...?"

"She can, um, speak by vibrating her mouth tentacles. Her favorite word is 'no.'"

"CENSORED"

"Um...?"

"More bad news?"

"That, sir, is entirely relative."

"Let me sit down first... Ok. Out with it."

"The cat's dead."

"A sabretooth?"

"Yes, sir."

"Don't tell me that she killed it with her tongues."

"Correct, sir."

"Well, that's comforting."

"Not at all, sir."

"Oh?"

"She used only one tongue." Beat. "Right between all three eyes." Beat. "Then she ate its brain." Beat. "Which gave her a tummy ache."

Silence.

"Sir?"

... "-dismissed-"

***

"Um. Don't they normally mature a lot faster?"

"Well, sir, they're more complex organisms than before. That includes their brains. Lord Gairon assures us that they're his most advanced design yet. That huge of an upgrade is only possible with a slower gestation, followed by slower maturation. He also said that if we want programable war machines, then we should build robots."