Bright Shadows 2: A Hinterlands Anthology

Chapter 1: A Most Auspiciously Fishy Birthday

Isabel was full and at noon. Hence the swirling bands of the brown dwarf's violently turbulent weather were visible. Homestead's thick atmosphere added a wavering effect that was as beautiful as it was unpredictable. Without Isabelle's proximity, Homestead would've been in a global ice age. While there still would've been an ocean, there would've been no open water.

One of the two, binary suns had set. Most of the sky was a shimmering green, but it tinted towards red at the horizon. The sunset tinted toward scarlet. Neither of Homestead's two, shepherd moons were in the sky. However, seven of Isabel's other moons were barely visible.

Of all the utterly, hopelessly unromantic places to give birth...

A subtropical island's rural fish market probably ranks pretty high. And it was certainly rank!

(Don't ask what the umbilical cord was cut with. Ever.)

😐

Despite all of that, even this birth should've been a cause for celebration. Instead, all five impromptu, amateur midwives looked utterly perplexed. The mother's first clue was that they were arguing about whether or not all of the baby had come out!

Her second clue was that this argument included calling the baby a derogatory term: "half-breed." The precise term normally described crossbred livestock — like pigs.

Understandably furious, the young mother screeched a barely coherent curse. However, it was thoroughly inclusive and disturbingly graphic. Then she demanded to be given her baby.

It became rather quiet, other than the perpetually raucous seagulls. Falconers were employed to keep the four-winged scavengers from raiding the fish market. This trick kept the feathered kleptomaniacs at bay, but it also made them noisier.

Everyone within earshot was deathly afraid that the mother's curse would come true. Moreover, they felt tremendous shame. This was a difficult birth under bizarre circumstances. For any woman, that's a great triumph worthy of supreme bragging rights! And they were souring this mother's victory!

Nobody, but nobody, wants to be righteously worthy of bad gossip!

Thus, the eldest midwife was contrite as she handed the mother her newborn daughter . . . a beautiful, Afro-Asian, baby girl. With no arms. And an "abnormally" dark complexion. (Of course, all newborns dramatically resemble a cross between naked iguanas and elderly elves.)

The mother stared at the squirming, two-legged frog kin. Then she grinned! "She's perfect!"

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There was great joy for happiness! (Mostly because the jubilant mother had forgotten to confirm her curse.)

Footnote 1: The sea salt cured placenta was auctioned for an impressively high price. After the five midwives were paid generous fees, the rest was spent on ridiculously abundant baby supplies — most of which were equally ridiculous.

Fortunately, fish heads make excellent pacifiers. Therefore, the child never wanted for "binkies."

Footnote 2: Since the unwed mother was well regarded, the fact that she had no idea who the father was carried extreme weight. The consensus was that he was either a wandering fairy or a vile criminal worthy of a lynch mob. Either way, the fishing village was fanatically united in its defense of both mother and child.

The unfortunate side effect was that men were afraid to marry the vibrant, young mother.

Footnote 3: Without the mother's consent, the baby was "gifted" the heroic name Katrina-Katrina. That was the name for a courageous, three-legged dog that'd died shortly before the birth. (The dog had been half-deaf. Hence the repetitive name.) The villagers knew better than to ignore such a powerful omen. Nor did they believe in coincidences.

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Footnote 4: Whilst "Katrina" was still young enough to resemble a naked iguana, her eldest midwife was babbling and cooing at the infant.

Suddenly, Katrina-Katrina reached up with her right leg, grabbed a foot-full of hair with her toes — and then she yanked... Hard!

When the midwife cried out in pain, Katrina-Katrina crammed her left foot into the woman's open mouth.

Not wanting to hurt the infant, the tremendously amused woman bent down further to enable extricating herself.

Not to be so easily foiled, Katrina-Katrina promptly peed in the woman's face.

But of course, this incident rapidly became a local legend that was gleefully exaggerated.

Footnote 5: A few years later, some little boys became quite distraught that Katrina-Katrina was, um, better at shooting for distance. They were gently reminded that they couldn't out squirt a fountain.

Katrina-Katrina, however, was simply told that that was "unladylike." Ditto after she gave one of the boys a black eye for calling her a fountain.

Side effect: That year she had twelve "boyfriends." Each one asked her if she'd marry him. She said "yes" all twelve times.

Katrina-Katrina never forgot that her mother wept profusely when she found out. That was when the girl first understood that there was something "hor-ri-gibbly" wrong with her.

Katrina-Katrina stopped eating solid food for five days and stopped speaking for three weeks. It was misdiagnosed as laryngitis. Her mother didn't know that she'd witnessed the crying fit.

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