Insomnia

25| This Counts

Chanel's POV

The morning sky dawned outside as my eyes batted open. I heard a heartbeat in my left ear as I began to check my surroundings. I noticed I was laying on Landon's chest and the steady heartbeat was his. I climbed off of him and yawned. We were still in the cabin, in the living room. I was changed out of my swimsuit and into a hoodie of Landons. I looked for my phone and found it on the floor by the couch. I sat down next to Landon's feet and checked my messages. "Saw you guys sleeping and decided you deserved to experience sleep. I love you, and I'll see you later. P.s. It's cold today don't go outside without a jacket." Realization hit me. I fell asleep. And woke up because I wanted to and not because of a nightmare. I looked over and realized that Landon is also asleep and is yet to have woken up sweating in fear.

He looked at peace, like nothing was hurting and it warmed my heart. However when I thought of myself and how I felt right now, I noticed how bad of a headache I had. How my craving was strong this morning. And also this sharp pain in my stomach. I did feel rested though, and felt like some weight was lifted. I got up and shut all the widows and curtains before heading upstairs. I went into the bathroom and threw some cold water on my face. It was only day three and I felt disgusted in my own skin. Even last night while eating my taste felt off. I knew my carvings would be here. I just didn't think it would hit me that hard. I sighed and got in the shower. I took a very hot shower, to try and distract myself.

"Hi dad. You probably aren't even listening to me anymore but if you are, I just want you to know that I'm trying. It's not easy but I owe it to you and Lucas to try. I Love you daddy and Lucy." I opened my eyes and the smoke boxed in with me. The only thing keeping me going is the fact I know Lucas wants me to try my hardest. I shut the water and folded myself in a towel before getting out. I grabbed Landon's hoodie from the countertop and folded it, to put in his bag. When I leaned over to unzip his duffle bag, his sketch pad was sitting on top. I placed it on the floor and put the hoodie inside. I sat on the edge of the bed with his pad in my hand and looked back on the bed. He gave his life to me here and it felt good.

I laid back and opened the sketch pad. I flipped through the pages and adored his work through brief looks. His work was so unique, and I can tell he loved drawing things and people only if they were feeling a strong emotion. However, never was the emotion happiness. He was best at drawing loneliness and fear, even in objects. As I got near to the end of the sketch pad I stopped and looked to the ceiling. I paused before flipping backwards. I sat up and a smile washed over my face.

"Chanel?" I heard my name get called out but I didn't answer back. The door swung open as Landon walked through, rubbing his eyes. "Can you believe I actually fell asleep?" He asked me, excitement in his voice. "When did you draw this?" He looked at me confused as he walked over and looked over my shoulder. "You weren't supposed to see that." I looked up at him and smiled. "You drew me and weren't going to show me?" He shrugged and took the sketch pad out of my hand. "It doesn't even look that good." He said closing it. I stood on the bed and held my towel shut, I cupped his face and looked down at him as his hands met my legs. "Is that how you see me?" I asked. "I see you as the most beautiful being alive."

"Then it's perfect." I explained. He showed me a weak smile and I can tell something was wrong. "Is your craving starting too?" He nodded and laid his head on my stomach. Half the day was gone so there was no need to even worry about school. I ran my hands through his hair and after a moment I felt kisses through my towel. "Do you want to talk about last night?" I felt his hand tighten around my thighs. "If it includes you telling me it doesn't count, no." He went back to kissing on my stomach as I chuckled. "Last night was more than just counting. It was worth it, and perfect. And I actually felt something real for the first time."

He laid me back on the bed and moved over top of me. "I'm growing on you." He whispered. "I wouldn't push it if I were you." I laughed as I wrapped my legs around his waist and touched my forehead to his. "What does this mean for us?" As I looked into his eyes there was a mix of lust and crave, I knew when he looked at me he saw the same. "It means if I see you with another girl, I'll cut your head off." Before he could even say anything I kissed him and crossed my feet behind his back. In this moment as I kissed him I felt nothing but calmness. "It also means that you're holding whatever it is keeping me together. Don't drop it."